Family - Can you relate at all?

[Darth_Kitten]

My runs-hot, runs-cold sister actually called my parents today!!!! Wow.
We are so honoured!
I mean, actually getting :eyes: contacted, a simple phone call, isn't she just wonderful? :shrug:

I really wanted her to call my parents, for my Mom's sake, but geez, is it wrong to feel so burned about her past behaviours? She's actually moving back to my province soon.

She apparently keeps in contact with more distant family members and my old friends (via Facebook)

So, it's like, what? how she behaved doesn't matter? Does anybody else have family members like this? You just can't really trust them and are not ready to give them a hero's welcome? :(

[UndertheOcean]

1. Maybe she needed to sort herself out and mend all her broken pieces

Always forgive . ALWAYS.

[Darth_Kitten]

2. Hey, the door was always open. She shut it.

:(

I think people need to earn trust. I'll be wary.

We communicated via Facebook before (long distance, etc) so she can contact me. :)

[some guy]

3. My initial thoughts were

similar to UndertheOcean's.

You're vague about "her past behaviours" and "how she behaved" so it's difficult for us to evaluate that.

Thus we fall back on the aspect of minimal familial contact. Family wants to be supportive and helpful of family; if you're in a position where you need to sort yourself out, family can't really help with that, and their isn't a lot of good news to share with family as one goes though the process, so limited contact often seems best.

edit to fix UtO's name. :)

[freshwest]

5. My experience too.

[Darth_Kitten]

7. I'm the one who was there for my family, she wasn't.

She was the one calling up my mother and literally screaming at her for things she didn't do. She's the one who never bothered to call ever. She's the one who kept her kids away from us. She's lied to them about us, etc.
She's the one who just shrugged when told a family member died.

But, yeah, I'll need to sort myself out. :(

[some guy]

12. No,

maybe I wasn't clear.

Reread what I wrote, but change "you" and "your" to "one" - I was thinking maybe your sister needed to sort herself out, and that was why she avoided contact.

[Darth_Kitten]

14. fair enough.

:)

[Bluzmann57]

4. Nope. We're a close knit bunch.

My parents brought us into this world, taught us about family values, and we carry those values on to thiis day and we also teach our kids those same family values.
And when I say family values, I mean respect for others, if you can't love everybody, at least respect them, Don't call everyone names (something that goes on here in DU and bugs the hell out of me), have compassion,it's ok make money but don't be greedy and don't stomp all over others to do it, and so on.

[eShirl]

6. Maybe she dreaded having her past behavior angrily thrown in her face?

Seriously though, whether you feel you can trust them or not, yes Family should be welcomed with open arms.

[Darth_Kitten]

8. We've always walked on eggshells around her.

Nobody has tossed anything back at her. She never needed much encouragement for her anger/resentment issues.

[seabeyond]

9. middle brother. 50 yrs of drama trauma. 50 yrs of i deserve, you owe me

50 yrs of stories what happened when he was young and totally bogus. did you know we are half native american? no we arent. not a drop. he was a bullrider when he was a kid. no he wasnt. my parents did this and this and this.... nope. my dad wouldnt take him to hospital for a borken shoulder???? wrong.

and still... we love him.

i went thru periods of being angry with him. he is a mess. he is what he is. we learn to detach. not be a part of it or take it personally.

[Darth_Kitten]

10. And I don't hate my sister, not at all, I just don't trust her....

and I'm of the mindset that if you've hurt people, you make amends. :)

[seabeyond]

11. lol... no one trusts my brother. and fool if they do. lol. not even, kinda, sorta

and i dont buy into his many many lies. pisses him off, but if he is going to talk to me (and he does often cause he has unconditional love, too) he knows i am not taking his bullshit.

ownership of her behavior? good luck. doesnt happen.

i do hear what you are saying. i could get awfully mad at him at times. now, he is just sad.

[hedgehog]

13. I think there's one of those in every family. Apparently, after

my mother's memorial, while my Dad and the rest of the siblings and their families ended up having a picnic in a favorite old spot, my sister went over to a cousin's and told them all the horrible ways my mother had ruined her life.

Ya know, even if every word was true, you can't be mad at age 54 over things that happened when you were 16! Get over it! Instead she's spent 40 years adding and embellishing her complaints!

(I'm not talking serious child abuse here. Folks that have to deal with memories of that have a heavy rock to carry.)

[Darth_Kitten]

15. That sounds so familiar.

Too familiar.

[Tikki]

16. I never got in contact...worked for me....

I don't know if it worked for them...because...I never got in contact with them.

But, I did get in contact with lots of people...just not them.

As you said...it was a 'trust' thing...I couldn't trust them. I hardly cared if they trusted me.

Tikki

[hunter]

17. I can relate...

...if any of my siblings are keeping score, I'm the biggest loser.

Me, as a sort of autistic kid growing up in a large very noisy very high drama family, I do my best to maintain a quiet place in my head.

A "simple phone call" ain't simple.