Small town gossip

[KurtNYC]

I'm in a small town these days, about 7,000 people and although I grew up in a fairly small town I am no good at the gossip thing.

A neighbor is doing construction, I ask how long to expect the noise. She says 'none of your business' (which I expected her to say bc her attitude is pretty selfish usually). But then she goes on: "You know somebody sent me a letter about your dogs and I wrote back.." I cut her off bc I hate this stuff, it was bad enough in 5th grade, but as adults (?!)

Me: what do my dogs have to do with your construction noise?
Her: well I wrote them back to say that you love your dogs.

So at that point I'm thinking 'did she just threaten to gossip about how I treat my dogs ?' And I'm like a deer in headlights. I don't know what to say to that. But I press it:

Me: Who wrote to you?
Her: I can't tell you.
Me: Barbara ?
Her: I don't know who that is.
Me: the Landlord's sister.

This goes for a while and then she say the construction will last about 3 weeks.

I really don't care what she says about me bc it reflects more on her (and people in this town try in vain to be 2 faced but the cliques are obvious to any newcomer). But I have to deal with her occasionally because she is my downstairs neighbor.

Any strategies or thoughts on how to stay out of gossip wars?

[madmom]

1. Totally ignore them. I live in a very small town and have for about

20 years, yet I am still the "outsider" because my family didn't live here. I go about my business, my friends (from other locals) visit , I remain cordial, but other than that I mind my own business and have nothing to do with them.

[murielm99]

2. Be careful.

In my small town, you can be forced out of the community if you cross the wrong people. I have seen it happen.

I've lived here for thirty-two years, but I will never be accepted because my parents did not live here, either. I try to ignore them, too, but sometimes it hurts.

[KurtNYC]

3. these guys are not locals

they moved up from the City and Long Island. This city is divided into at least 3 major groups -- locals, "City people" (includes me and her) and "Section 8." Many of the City people seem determined to play up the 'big fish in a small pond' thing and the locals hate that. The locals are mostly pretty cool -- they tend to call BS on the City people when they cop attitude.

The town I grew up in was interesting. People who were adults there when I was growing up there consider me local enough but many of the kids I grew up with there and who never left consider me an outsider. I was specifically told not to come to the high school reunion by some in this group. I moved to California during high school so I did not graduate with them (and a local who won an injury lawsuit was funding the whole reunion and making the rules). The reunion was poorly attended and many of the locals who had left town and been successful did not come.

Some of the cliques and politics stuff is not unique to small towns. I have seen similar stuff in work environments, especially in non-profits. People get territorial. By and large it is insecure people that push the issue.

I would ignore the guys downstairs altogether but we share the backdoor to the building and a thermostat which is in their space (although the bill is in my name). Ugh.