Need Advice on relatives "Saying Mass" for ailing relative. (I'm researching it too on Google).

[Mike 03]

My father's health is failing rapidly and there are so many matters to attend to and probably not much time left to spend with him.

Late last week a beloved cousin of mine phoned me (we had not been in touch in years) and told me that she had heard our father was not doing well and that her mother (My dad's aunt, and my dad's mother's sister) was "Saying Mass" for my father every week or month (I am sorry, I can't remember, it was a very brief, emotional conversation). She had wanted me to know.

My father was raised Catholic but he is not a practicing Catholic at this point in his life, although his mother and the family on her side is very Catholic.

This sounds like a good thing, and we need all the help we can get, but I am wondering if this is something I should tell my parents. My questions: Why did she tell me instead of my parents? Is this something that my parents and particularly my father should know? Would it cheer him up or depress him, because "Mass" sounds like a serious thing, like they might be expecting him to die, and I am not sure if that would cheer him up.

Very confused. Any advice would be welcome. I am seeing my father tomorrow and debating whether this is something he would like to hear or not to hear.

THANKS SO MUCH FOR ANY HELP! I post a lot of nonsense, but this is really serious to me, and help would mean a lot.

[blogslut]

1. Tell your mother

I doubt your cousin had some ulterior motive in telling except that these matters are often difficult to broach to the parties most directly involved, meaning that perhaps your cousin didn't want to burden your mother with superfluous information.

[Mike 03]

2. Thank you so much.

Is that a good thing that they are "Saying Mass" for my father or is it like the last rites.

I am in the processing of researching Mass as I write this.

Thanks again.

[Gormy Cuss]

3. It's meant to be a good thing.

Saying mass is shorthand for having the priest name the ill person in a supplication. Unless your father is openly hostile about his former faith or about his family, it would probably be welcomed news to your parents because it's his family's way of saying they care.

[hedgehog]

4. +1 - It can apply to someone who is ill, looking for work, just married, etc.

BTW - "The Last Rites" aren't reserved for the death watch any more. Nowadays, we call it "Anointing of the Sick" and it's more a prayer for strength and healing, regardless of outcome. It can be comforting if the person receiving the anointing finds it comforting.

[Mike 03]

5. Thank you so much.

This info is vital, and I appreciate it more than you know.

[Mike 03]

7. No, he is not hostile at all. He is open to any help he can get.

Thank you all so much for your help. This means a lot. I have posted a bunch of silly stuff in the lounge, but this is different.

[WolverineDG]

17. Last Rites wouldn't be done outside your father's presence

if/when that time comes, & your father requests it, a priest will come to him & perform that ritual.

When I was very ill, knocking on Heaven's Door, my friend's mom held a rosary with her friends while I was in surgery. Of course, the surgery lasted way longer than they thought it would, so they were at it for about 3 hours instead of 1. ;)

I'm not Catholic, but I appreciated what she did.

dg

[rug]

6. Absolutely tell him.

Unless he became hostile to the Catholic Church he'll know it's a good intention.

Here's an article on it.

http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/religion/re0812.html

Here's how they announce it in my parish's bulletin
http://www.saintpatricksmilford.com/PDFS/bulletin.pdf

I'm glad you can be with him at this time.

[Mike 03]

8. Thank you so much! No, he is not hostile at all. Thank you from the bottom of my heat. Just

trying to learn what to do.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

9. Just say thank you and

you appreciate it. Nothing else is required. It's a very formal way of saying "our thoughts are with you at this tough time"

[May Hamm]

10. You are thinking too hard

Someone whom you used to be close to called you to express condolences and knowing they could do nothing else but pray, told you they were praying.

Should you mention it to Dad? Why do you ask? Is that the ONLY relative who called? Is this the DEAREST relative he has? Would he even remember her? Does he even care?

Unless he has been asking for updates on who has called and specifically if SHE had called I'd say you are making a needless pile of gossip guaranteeing YOU to be the center of attention at a time when only your father should be.

[Kali]

11. hey

the guy is going through a rough time, no need to be so harsh

[blue_roses_lib]

12. I didn't get that impression at all. ~~ n/t

[Mike 03]

21. No, I love my father and just want to do the right thing

I am asking for help, not attention.

[Curmudgeoness]

13. This is just like *we are praying for you*. nt

[Amerigo Vespucci]

14. Here's how it works in my church (I'm Catholic)...

...you go to the office (Rectory) and give them the name of the ailing person and ask that that person be the "intention" of an upcoming Mass. They have a schedule book for upcoming Masses, and they look up the date you request, enter it, and the overall "intention" of that Mass becomes to pray for the health of that person, and everyone in attendance also gets to offer up their own "intentions." It is common practice to offer a donation when making the request but it isn't required, and certainly not for anyone with financial issues.

A couple of years a friend of mine had a colorectal cancer scare, and before he went in for his tests, I had a Saturday Mass said for him, and we both attended. His wife was also unfamiliar with the practice and thought it had a "last rites" connotation. That is never a "given."

ON EDIT: The "scare" was a scare indeed and he passed his tests with a 100% clean bill of health.

Also, during Mass, at the point where people are voicing their own "intentions," every once in a while someone will pray for a "special intention." This means it's private and they want to keep it that way, but it could be anything...health, finances, broken relationships.

If your Father was raised Catholic, he knows what this means and unless he has issues with the church (as many do), he will know that this is meant to be a good thing.

[old mark]

15. It's not an indicator that they think he is going to die. It is meant as a good thing.

Don't worry about it.

All the best.

mark

[begin_within]

16. I hope this will clarify...

They have a sacrament called Anointing of the Sick, which used to be called "Extreme Unction" or "Last Rites" in the old days, but "Anointing of the Sick" is a little less terminal-sounding. Any Catholic can get it at any time, if a priest is willing to come over and give it. I would tell the church office that your father is requesting that sacrament, and if they are a decent church at all, a priest there should be perfectly happy to visit the house where your Father is. He can administer the Anointing of the Sick, and if your father wants to, he can also hear his confession (now called the Sacrament of Reconciliation) and can give him communion (the sacrament of Holy Eucharist). A deacon from the church can also give communion if it is first consecrated by the priest, and even a Eucharistic Minister (a lay person who has had some training) can also give communion. There is a lady who comes once a week to give communion to my Mom. However, the confession, and the sacrament of Anointing of the Sick, can only be given by a priest. It's not clear what your cousin's mother is doing by "saying Mass." If she is saying a mass herself, she can't do that. If she is simply asking the church to include his name in the list of intentions announced during a Sunday Mass at the church, that is very common, in fact every week there is a list of sick parishoners and parishoners who have passed away, that is read during the intentions in the middle of the mass. She cannot "say Mass" for him herself. She can say a Rosary, which anyone can do, and if it helps her, she ought to say one every day for him. The Mass is the gathering every Sunday (and a shorter version on weekdays) where the parishoners go to the church for services. Only a priest can "say Mass" in the strictest sense. She could be asking the church to "say Mass" for your father, but they are really just mentioning his name out loud during the regular mass.

[Richardo]

18. Nicely done.

:thumbsup: begin_within

[hamsterjill]

19. No advice, but wanted to say

That I'm sorry about your dad. I hope you will be able to make the most of his time remaining. I wish you both comfort and peace.

[Biker13]

20. I'd Tell Him.

"Saying Mass" is as much for the ones praying for your Dad as it is for him, but it shows how much they care. I'd think he'd like to know he is loved and of their concern.

Hang in there Mike, I'll be thinking about you.

Biker's Old Lady

[Mike 03]

22. I had to stop reading, it was too painful

I was just looking for help.

Thanks from the bottom of my heart to people who tried to give advice.

I was not raised Catholic, that is why I had so many questions about whether this would cheer my father up or not.

If my questions offended anyone, I am sorry. They were innocent. My father is dying, and I don't know what is going to help him vs. what is going to depress him.

Thanks from the bottom of my heart for people who understood my issues.

Thank you.