What's the deal with people that work at ethnic food restaurants?

[Bennyboy]

Why don't they recognize me when I go there? Especially ones that I have gone to hundreds of times?

I just came back from my favorite Chinese place and again (This is the third time THIS MONTH I have had lunch there)and it was like they had never seen me before. Same thing at the sushi place I go to ALL THE TIME and have been going to for YEARS! And the taqueria up the street, where I have dined hundreds of times and had the same server on every occasion.....

Why is that? I got to other types of restaurants and they all recognize me and greet me warmly but if it is ethnic food (not some bastardization of that ethnic food)they always act like it is the first time I entered the building.

[Iggo]

1. Order in Chinese.

They'll totally remember you.

[Bennyboy]

2. In a sushi restaurant????

I bet they would!

[CreekDog]

17. okay, then just write it in Chinese

:evilgrin:

[HEyHEY]

23. I do, they don't remember me

You'd think being the one white guy in the neighbourhood and speaking chinese they would remember me.

[grace0418]

3. You all look the same to them.

;)

My husband (who Asian) teases me with that one all the time. "All you whities look the same!"

[trof]

7. All round eyes look same.

;-)

[carlyhippy]

55. LOL! n/t

[KamaAina]

4. "All look same" applies to haoles too, I guess.

:-)

[CBGLuthier]

5. We go regularly to a Thai restaurant. They always recognize my wife.

She has made an effort to get them business and they have recognized her every time since the first time.

And this place is 100% authentic. The greatest flaw is none of the three people that work it have very good english skills. But the food is incredible.

[arbusto_baboso]

8. That seems to be the case at Thai restaurants.

There's one I frequent where a certain waitress still asks about my mother, who has been out of California since 2002.

[Curmudgeoness]

69. Come in with a crowd, and make sure you are loud and crazy.

They will remember you then. The Thai restaurant we went to every Friday night not only knew us all, they wouldn't let anyone else sit at "our" table on Fridays and they would often join us. But we were wild and crazy at that time.

[Bennyboy]

6. That can't be it...can it?

I can tell people of different ethnicities apart, especially if I have seen them once a week for ten years.

[Moondog]

9. Do you honestly believe

that all racists are white?

[Bennyboy]

10. Do you think it is a racist thing?

I don't. I just wonder why it is that way. I mean if they were racists, why would they be in the restaurant business in the suburbs where almost all of their customers would not be of their ethnic group...?

[Moondog]

15. I think it could be. If all whites look the same to them, is

that not racist? If they refuse to acknowledge anyone other than those accompanied by one of their tribe, or who speak their language, is that not racist? If it isn't, I'd sure like to hear why not.

[mzteris]

19. it's not racist - it's just a matter of recognition -

"whites" tend to think that all other ethnicities "look alike" - why is that? Because of the intricate and subtle differences in the facial makeup that we don't see because the "gross difference" deters us from seeing those small differences.

The same holds true the other way around.

Look at this this way - have you ever met identical twins? Ones you don't "know"? How they look JUST ALIKE (well younger ones who are still dressing alike and same hairstyles, etc...) - but to people who really KNOW them, they look NOTHING ALIKE. Hell, I used to could pass for a twin with two of my best friends in highschool - we looked similar enough, that if I was with one of them, people just automatically assumed I was the other. The funniest time was their OWN MOTHER! Although, I had put on one of the twin's clothes...

[meow2u3]

30. This phenomenon is known as the Cross-Race Effect

It really is difficult for a member of one race/ethnicity to tell apart those of another race, unless you've been in contact with them. It's universal, not just among whites.

Read this article in Wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross-race_effect

I found this one about facial perception when it comes to race: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Face_perception#Race

[mzteris]

41. yeah - that explains it better. n/t

[jberryhill]

56. Uh, no, it's a cognitive feature of the brain

You learn to distinguish features as an infant. You facial recognition apparatus is thus trained on a sample set having a limited range of variation, because it starts by learning to distinguish members of your own family.

It's the same reason why native speakers of some languages can distinguish between sounds that non-native speakers cannot. Like the "R/L" problem typical of Chinese speakers of English. They actually have a sound in Chinese that is approximately "between" R and L. But, to us, it sounds like they are pronouncing R as L and vice versa. If you listen closely, it's actually the same sound every time, because they didn't train on the difference between two sounds which are not in their language.

It's a cognitive development thing, not a racism thing.

[jobycom]

11. This has to be a spoof of something, but I have no clue what. nt

[Bennyboy]

13. Could be the "Chinese restaurant" episode of Seinfeld...

Where the guy doesn't recognize the gang even after they have spoken with him numerous times.

"I say Cartwright and nobody answer"....

But it is not. I just came back from lunch at a place I go to all the time and nobody seems to recognize me. And if you know me and my meness, that hardly seems possible.

[valerief]

12. I guess you're just not as impressive as you think you are.

:rofl:

[Bennyboy]

18. Well there is that....

but that is a road I'd just as soon not travel down....

[Chan790]

14. Next time...

go pants-free. They'll remember you after that.

[arbusto_baboso]

16. Thinking there wouldn't be an "after that".

Just sayin'.

[The Midway Rebel]

20. Try Vietnamese.

Cordially try to order in Vienamese and tell them you want something "authentic". Eat it, enjoy it, and find out what was later on.

I have had some of the best meals that way. My wife and I are such regulars at our favorite Vietnamese Cafe', we were invited to the son's wedding reception.

[MiddleFingerMom]

21. I used to go to a little Greek "fast-food" place...

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...where two brothers worked the front -- one at the order counter and the
other right behind him on the grill.
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I'd order a gyro, pronouncing it as authentically as I could (KHEE-roe) and
the brother at the counter would call over his shoulder (much like Belushi with his
"cheeseboorgercheeseboorgercheeseboorger") -- "ONE KHEE-ROE!!!!!!"
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The other brother would put the meat on the grill and start SLAMMING the grill with
the side of his metal spatula while shouting, "JI-ROW, JI-ROW JI-ROW!!!!!"
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The next time, I would go in and order it THAT way -- a "ji-row". The brother at the
counter would call over his shoulder "ONE JI-ROW!!!!!!"
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The other brother would put the meat on the grill and start SLAMMING the grill with
the side of his metal spatula while shouting, "KHEE-ROE, KHEE-ROE, KHEE-ROE!!!!!!"
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They didn't play this game with anyone else and not ONE of the three of us ever tired
of playing that game over and over and over and over and etc.
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Oh... ... ... ... ... ... they KNEW me, alright!!!!!
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:rofl:
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If there's an ethnic stereotype that I HAVE found to be true (from my experiences, anyway)
it is that first-generation Greeks that I have had the pleasure to know (both here in the States
and in continental Europe) are just BURSTING with life and laughter.
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[jberryhill]

57. Gyros...

Someday I'm going to find out where they get that meat, and I will rule the world.

Then, I will unlock the mystery of tzatziki sauce, and I will rule the universe!

[MiddleFingerMom]

66. Took me a while to remember just where I had seen this.

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[HEyHEY]

22. Sorry, Laowie, you look just like me

There was a "western" place under me, the owner was Chinese, I was in there ALL THE TIME for breakfast and used to talk to her all the time. I moved out of the neighbourhood and went back after four months.... she pretended to remember me, but I could tell she was confused.

[HEyHEY]

24. Next time try this......

Walk in and say, "Ni men hao? Ni men zhi zhu wo ma?" If they say "Zhi zhu" you're gold if they say "Bu Zhi Zhu le" you're still unremarkable.

[m00nbeam]

25. Wow

I am sure you are not intending it, but your post sure sounds insensitive at best and downright racist at worst.

[LeftyFingerPop]

28. Welcome to DU, m00nbeam. A word to the wise...

Please think long and hard before implying in here that someone is a racist. The OP has a lot of life experience with a lot of different people, and I'm sure that if you have seen his posts over the years, you would know that he is far from "racist".

The OP is simply making an observation about his experience. The fact that he is writing about it does not make him insensitive or racist.

Please do not throw this serious term around lightly...especially with someone you do not "know".

Welcome, and I hope that you have a rewarding experience at DU. :hi:

[Bennyboy]

46. Thanks LFP....

I knew someone would take this the wrong way and thought pretty hard about posting it.

[mtnester]

48. Don't worry, it's a duck

welcome to DU!

[Book Lover]

26. Maybe they're too overworked to care? (nm)

[mtnester]

27. Maybe if you walk in wearing your underwear on your head like you just now did

they will, because I know I certainly will.

Everyone really should learn to read their posts as if they were someone else before they hit that Post Message button.

[LeftyFingerPop]

29. Hi mtnester...what is wrong with his post?

Seems to me that he is just talking about something that he has personally observed. Am I missing something? :hi:

[mtnester]

33. Yeah, I think you are

and if you don't know what it is, I cannot help you..sorry

[LeftyFingerPop]

34. Ok. Thanks for clearing that up. n/t

[Name removed]

39. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[LeftyFingerPop]

45. .

[TZ]

31. And I'm sure that its the EXACT same staff everytime you go in, right?

Honestly, there are some really unpleasant assumptions in your OP. You realize that restaurants have more than 2-3 different staff members and that they don't work the same time all the time?
If this isn't some type of parody....

[LostinVA]

32. +1

[Bennyboy]

47. Yes it is the exact same staff everytime...

especially in the Chinese place I go to, every week. It is one big family, and I have the same servers etc all the time. In another place there is only one waiter, and he has been serving me for about ten years, yet he never recognizes me. I order the same thing too almost every time.

At the taqueria, it is a very very very small place where the owner is the cook, server, etc.

I only go to small places too, Usually where there are only one or two servers. And in a good number of them, they are families, that all work together and have been working together since I started going there.

But nice try to make me out be a racist.

[HipChick]

35. Are you a cheap tipper?

What's ethnic? somewhere that's not American?
My sushi places welcomes me...hell they even throw in a few freebies..

[Jokerman]

43. Good question.

I thought the exact same thing when I read the OP.

I've was once recognized by a sushi chef the first time I walked into a new restaurant. He remembered me from a previous place that closed over a year earlier.

I'm regularly greeted like an old friend at all kinds of restaurants but then again, I tip well.

[Bennyboy]

49. Actually I am a great tipper....

having worked in the food service industry before, that is part of the deal.

[HipChick]

50. Then I'm not sure what you are doing wrong..these folks remember me by name

[Bennyboy]

51. Me neither...

If you know me I am very talkative and gregarious etc. And when i got to other places, of the non ethnic or Americanization'
But in the places I am talking about in the OP, They don't give much of an opportunity to be talkative. They take you order and split without any other conversation past "thank you". It is not that I don't get great service, it is that it is cold and impersonal.

[HipChick]

52. See..I've not had that experience..in fact they engage in conversation so much I have to excuse

myself so that I can just eat my darn food..

[Dr. Strange]

36. I feel a song coming on.

[HopeHoops]

37. All white people look alike.

:evilgrin:

[bbernardini]

38. One guy at our favorite Indian place always recognizes me.

That's pretty much the only "ethnic" place we go.

You know, the older I get, the more I think it's strange to call restaurants featuring the food of other countries "ethnic". Everything's "ethnic" to somebody, right? Same thing with "world music".

[whistler162]

40. Welcome to DU Bennyboy! How did you find the site?

;)

[supernova]

42. You're not regular enough

A handful of times during the month doesn't make you a "regular." You need to go at least once a week, even 2x for them to remember you.

We go to several places around town. Some "ethnic," some not. Believe me, they know us. And I'll give credit to my fiance. I'm fairly reserved and shy. He's gregarious, funny, and totally charms the waitstaff. English-speaking or no.

The sushi chef at our fave Japanese place likes to make us special rolls. Why? Because we tell him, make whatever you're into right now. This guy is an artist. I swear he'd make a roll out of asphalt roof tiles taste good.

The last time at our fave seafood place, he told the cashier that I'm marrying him because "he's only been stalking me for three years." :silly:

The taco hole in the wall loves us because we love the homemade salsas and daily specials and their warm-heartedness. And they introduced us to Sangria cola. :9 Plus HtB has been pestering them for a company T-shirt in his size.

In short, engage with them a little bit, about their jobs, their lives. Why they decided to open the biz. Anything that shows you are a human being connecting with other human beings. Everybody loves that, trust me.

You want to be remembered? Be memorable.

[tigereye]

44. hmm, they always remember us at most Thai, Chinese, Middle Eastern

places we go. :shrug: Probably because go so much that we have paid for their boats and second homes many times over! :rofl:

[applegrove]

53. I don't have a great memory for faces though after a time I can recognize people. I used to be very,

very shy so I wasn't all over the customers with friendlyness. Actually I am getting shyer again. Don't know why.

[dropkickpa]

54. Maybe you are just one of hundreds of customers

that visit daily and aren't nearly as memorable as you seem to think you are?

[soleiri]

58. Maybe they do recognize you

But aren't the type of people to make a big deal out of it.

[Hell Hath No Fury]

59. Maybe it's not them --

maybe it's you.

[LibDemAlways]

60. My husband and I once spent six weeks in Paris while he was on

an assignment for work. We were on a very tight budget and found a little Italian place with cheap, but good, food. We ate there just about every night and usually ordered the same dish. Not once did anyone on the staff show a glimmer of recognition that we'd been there before. It became a running joke with us.

I don't think it's necessarily only ethnic restaurants that get amnesia when it comes to their repeat customers - just ones with indifferent management who don't care enough about their customers to give them a second glance.

[Arugula Latte]

61. I think you should have said "some" ethnic food restaurants.

But, yeah, that's annoying to feel invisible after giving them your business over and over.

We frequently go to a Thai restaurant and the woman who works there always remembers our names and is SO warm and friendly. She even knows our voices when we order takeout.

[Bennyboy]

63. You know, you are right....

I thought hard over the title, but not hard enough apparently.....But apparently it is something that I encounter and yet many don't... I don't eat Thai, Indian, or Vietnamese (curry allergy) so I don't really have a idea about them.

[MilesColtrane]

62. "Why don't they recognize me when I go there? "

How much do you tip?

[Bennyboy]

64. Very well.

good tipper, especially at lunch time, when I dine out the most.

[MilesColtrane]

65. AHA!! You are overtipping!

No one respects an overtipper.

:shrug:

No, really. I got nothing here.

[Xipe Totec]

67. I've never had that problem.

Not only do they recognize me, they notice when my children aren't with me and ask about them.

Then again, we do tip generously for good service...

[Lucian]

68. Maybe it's because they get so many customers...

and they don't remember one person to the next.

I mean, god forbid if they don't know who you are after showing up to a place three times in a month. :eyes:

And I wouldn't consider an egomaniac like yourself important enough to remember you every time you came in anyways.

[S n o w b a l l]

70. Why is this snark necessary? Has he personally done something to you to

deserve that?

Bennyboy is a good guy and you're complete off base.

[Lucian]

71. It's a pointless rant.

I don't go into establishments expecting them to remember me from one day to the next. Especially if the establishment is busy as hell and gets a lot of customers.

Why should anyone else?

[S n o w b a l l]

72. Egotistical is expecting everyone to think like you.

[Lucian]

74. Well, in this instance, they should.

And I'm glad to have someone like you tell me about egotism. :eyes:

[Skittles]

73. ? the local Chinese restaurants know me by name

they pronounce it wrong but they do know me :D

[MiddleFingerMom]

76. Skittles... THAT'S JUST NOT FAIR!!!!!

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If someone threatened to come back and administer one mu shu pork ass-kicking...
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...well, who the HELL is gonna forget THAT person?
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Yes, indeed.
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[Skittles]

77. LOL

my name is Susan - they call me something like "SUE-WIN" :D

[AwakeAtLast]

78. That is because your a$$ kicking reputation has gotten around

:hide:

:D

[Skittles]

79. YES

although I've never had to kick Chinese restaurant ass - they've always done right by me :D

although - I tried using chopsticks once and was so bad at it, an elderly Chinese woman came over to my table, grabbed my hand and forced me to do it right, babbling Chinese the entire time. The young folk with her - probably her grandkids, were mortified but hey, she had me using chopsticks in five minutes :D

[Odin2005]

75. The folks at the family-owned Chinese restaurant I frequent know me well.