Poetry Lovers, Your Opinion....

[Demoiselle]

A young man I know wrote this...I've told him I really love it. He is very modest. What do you think?

APRIL SNAPS GREEN FINGERS

April snaps green fingers,
Gentlemen line up like dominos,
Rogues, like dog faced soldiers.
The sundress imperative
Exploits our psychology
Through the folly of biology
As benched old men count the ways to burn
And watch the day's egg divide.
Hup to!
Hup to!
You soldiers of the bill and coo
Following the orders of a silky captain's eye.
Hup to!
Hup to!
One milkbone for a collared dog
Who lifts his leg on heath and log
And never asking why
Takes aim.
Take aim!
The magnolias on boulevards bloom quick as death in war.
Take aim!
Take aim!
The tanks roll over winter's bones and May is at the door
And we are as before...

[abq e streeter]

1. As a poetry lover as opposed to poetry expert, I think that's outstanding

[Demoiselle]

7. Ah, I'm a non-expert poetry lover too. Thank you.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear Demoiselle...

I like this too, maybe not as much as you do, but still...

I'm really glad to see that he didn't feel he had to make it rhyme. So many new poets (I assume he's new) feel that rhyming is the only way to go. And of course, it isn't.

I would encourage him.

Has he had any classes, or workshops?

He definitely has a gift for poetry.

:hi:

[Demoiselle]

6. Thanks, CP.

He's a singer-songwriter, and I think he enjoys the freedom of looser rhythms and no rhyme scheme for a change from his other work.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

3. a few minor changes in structure and it will read more easily and

make for better impact.

I like it.

April snaps green fingers
Gentlemen line up like dominos
Rogues, like dog faced soldiers.

The sundress imperative
Exploits our psychology
Through the folly of biology.

As benched old men count the ways to burn
And watch the day's egg divide.

Hup to.
Hup to!

You soldiers of the bill and coo
Following the orders of a silky captain's eye.

Hup to.
Hup to!

One milkbone for a collared dog
Who lifts his leg on heath and log
And never asking why.

Takes aim.
Take aim!

The magnolias on boulevards bloom quick as death in war.

Takes aim.
Take aim!

The tanks roll over winter's bones and May is at the door
And we are as before.

just a suggestion.

[Demoiselle]

5. You're absolutely right. I'll pass it on.. Thank you very much!

[nuxvomica]

4. I don't understand it but I love it

The language is very pretty. That's what hooks me with poetry, whether I get the meaning or not.

[Demoiselle]

8. Thank you! I think that's the best way to enjoy poetry.