Going to a wedding. No not that one. What is a fair amount for the gift these days?

[NNN0LHI]

I know weddings are damn expensive now. I used to give the standard $50.00 cash gift and be done with it. But that was 30 years ago. That can't be enough anymore. Can it? I am not trying to impress anyone, but I don't want to be a cheapskate either.

Whats the going rate in this day and age? Its a neighbors kid getting married. Nice kid too.

Don

[NV Whino]

1. Call me a cheapskate

but I think $50 is generous, especially for someone who isn't a relative.

[NNN0LHI]

2. No I won't call you a cheapskate

I am no big spender myself. I just want to give what is kind of the going rate. If $50 is still the going rate that makes me happy.

Thanks for your input.

Don

[noamnety]

3. We went to one last night

and put a hundred dollar check in the envelope (covering my and my spouse). That was for a coworker's wedding (not a coworker-acquaintance, but someone I hang out with on my own time and consider a good friend). I would have put less but I know she's got some debt - I figure in their needs, my financial state at the time. If money was tight right now I would have been fine going with less.

At a minimum I would try to put in enough to cover what they probably paid for a catered meal for you, if you can swing it. When we got married, we were grateful that the checks we got totaled enough to cover the reception costs. We weren't looking to make out, but breaking even was a nice surprise.

If the parents are covering the wedding costs that might be a different story, there's probably not a direct relationship between the costs and checks then.

[hippywife]

4. I'd say those are some

very good points to consider when trying to decide. :hi:

[lunatica]

5. Most people are registered in some store or other

they usually want a set of China or silver dishes (who knows why) and no one is going to buy the entire set for them. Get them a dish or whatever and they can exchange it if they get too many of one thing.

[quakerboy]

6. $50 is fair, in my mind. But then I hang with a low cash crowd

This was about 4 years ago now. At my wedding, we had a mix, $10 up to $500.

My family averaged around $50 per family, which I was grateful for and humbled by, because I know their financial situation. My grandfather did $10, which if you knew him, is quite something. His standard gift is $5, generally in coin. My wifes family averaged around $100 per person.

Our friends hovered $50, Our Canadian friends around $100. BTW, its a royal pain in the arse to cash a low amount check written in CA dollars in the US.

A few people came in on a general open invite to the members of the church it was held at, and a couple friends of my parents, and they came in around 20.

Then again, our reception was done potluck style, there was no bridal party to outfit, and our entire cost was around $150, paperwork included, so we were able to foot the bill with relative ease. We had established that whatever we were given, that was what our honeymoon would cost.

[tigereye]

9. love how you have it all averaged out!

I would not be able to tell you how much we were given at our wedding or from whom.. :rofl:


What I really treasure are lovely art and pottery pieces we got from dear friends-



I often try to get something for friends who marry, that fits their taste and will remind them of us...

[quakerboy]

16. Im a numbers guy

Its kinda my thing. Plus I had to have some sort of database to track where thank-yous were going, and also to add up so that we could determine which of our honeymoon plans fit the amount we had. Averaging and categorizing it all was kinda incidental, cause I like numbers.

Somewhere I believe I still have the fake cigar that one of my friends gave me, along with a pouch full of change. I think the fake nose/eyebrow glasses bit the dust a while back though. What can I say, my friends know me.

[Curmudgeoness]

12. I don't agree that the cost of the wedding has any bearing

on how much you give. They make their choices on what to spend money on, and so do I. I think that $50 is a lot to expect from a neighbor. Just call me a super-cheapskate.

[quakerboy]

15. I agree, kind of

$50 would be a lot to expect from a neighbor, generally speaking. However, if it were a family friend who was a neighbor, who has a comfortable life and happened to be close to you for some reason, then $50 would not be inappropriate. If this neighbor was the lavish spender that people some are, $50 might seem cheap.

And no, the cost of the wedding has nothing inherently to do with the gift. But it could have something to do with the set of people invited. I would have different expectations of an informal group of my friends than I would if I happened to hang with a crew of high spender types.

I don't call you super cheapskate. Note that my Grandfather gave me $10, and I was impressed because it was more than I would have expected of him. Conversely my new father in law gave $50, and I would call him a cheapskate, seeing as he spent the year before telling my wife he was going to pay for everything from beginning through the end of the honeymoon. Even his girlfriend at the time gave us a larger gift. Fortunately for us, we knew going into it that he is a liar, and were not counting on anything.

If you said that the recipients should come without expectations, and accept with gratitude whatever people can afford to give, I would agree. But does that mean that everyone should drop a 5 spot and feel good about it? I would say no. What do you want to give, what can you afford to give, and if you want to bring others expectations into it, to what degree do you care what someone else thinks of your gift? That's how I would go about deciding.

[Curmudgeoness]

19. You hit on a point that I think is important...what someone thinks

of your gift. This is where I do not concern myself. I will give much more (within my budget) to a close relative or friend than I will to someone I work with or a friend of the family or even a relative who I hardly know. And if they think that I am not giving enough, I think that it is their expectations that are screwed up. I have gotten to the point where I am tired of invitations from ever person I have ever known for every possible event in their lives. With that said, I also would not go to an event if I think that my invitation is just a cry for money.

I have often been told that you should give a gift equal to what you would spend on that same night out if you were to have to pay for it. I do not do this because I did not choose to go to a formal dinner at a high-priced venue of my own free will. I went because this was the choice of the party givers. I still think that the expense my gifts all comes down to how much the people mean to me. My low is $20 (if I do not choose to ignore the invitation altogether), and my highest ever given was $250 to my sister. This was more than I could afford, but it was too special to me not to dig deep.

[quakerboy]

20. And there we are of a mind

I rarely concern myself with what others think of me. I am aware, but it rarely effects my choices, except for a few carefully picked people who's opinions I have chosen to value. So I give what seems right to me, based on what I can afford and what I want to do. But a lot of people, probably even the majority, put a lot of stock into public appearances, social acceptance, etc. And to give realistic advice to other people, I have to take that into account.

That equal to what you would spend on a night out is interesting. I also don't go to high priced venues, except on extraordinarily rare occasions. And Ive gone and not given a gift. In fact, I (opps) did this about 3 weeks ago. I was the best man, and I had other things on my plate(including being in mid move myself, and work issues). I will rectify that at some point, but they are both teachers and decided to make the summer their honeymoon, so it may be a while till anyone catches sight of them again.

[carlyhippy]

7. I consult their bridal registry, and buy a mid-priced gift, which in my opinion is 50.00 or less

I guess I am a cheapskate.

[tigereye]

8. 75? 100?

I usually try to get em something from their wish list...

[pitohui]

10. me too that's just crazy

no way i'm giving "the neighbor's kid" $50 just to get married

i don't give wedding gifts, at most, i give a card -- if it's an obvious gift hustle, as in i don't even know this person, they're the kid of some person i kinda sorta know, i just pretend i never got the invite/hint

if it's really abt the marriage and wanting to be together, they don't care if i give them something they can return to the store for $150, if it's just about making a "score," they shouldn't be getting married anyway

either way, i don't give wedding gifts, i see nothing good that comes of it

a friend spent $20K on his daughter's wedding, a year later, yeah, you guessed it, she's living back w. dad because they're getting divorced

i will frankly admit i eloped and NO ONE not even my mom was allowed to buy me gifts, a wedding shouldn't be abt material things and if it is, i'm not getting involved

i'm sure as shit not giving out $50 to every "neighbor's kid" who gets married, i'm tired of people who think they can spend my money better than i can

if the neighbor's kid wants money from me, he can mow my lawn, otherwise, just say no

a neighbor's kid is just not in that category of persons who should be getting gifts from me on any occasion whatsoever

[mokawanis]

11. I went to a wedding today

someone my wife works with. We gave them $50.

[proteus_lives]

13. Whatever a toaster or blender costs.

[oustemnow]

14. Best gift you can get them

is a gun with one bullet in it with a note attached reading, "You Decide."

[demmiblue]

17. Not funny.

[Lindsey]

18. I think either going to their registry and I think $50 is fine..

these days I would suspect that money would always be a welcome gift.