women, what would you think if a man said this to you?

[grasswire]

I know a 40-something man who has told three women in the last year that each was the prettiest "girl" he had ever met.

What do you think of that remark? Would it be offensive?

I suggested to him that some modern women might be offended by it.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear grasswire...

I refer to myself as "girl." I'd have no problem with it. To me it indicates youth, and since I'm no longer young, I'd like it.

YMMV...

:shrug:

[proteus_lives]

2. Context is everything.

I wouldn't venture a opinion until I heard the conversation.

I'd imagine it would offend some but not others.

[RandomThoughts]

3. Much of information is context.

For instance I posted songs, that has a context in my thought that is really good, but could mean something else to someone else. And some try to spin context of many things. I just enjoy the context I see things in.

To need people to see it as you do would, in my view, would be playing a game, and :shrug: people will see things how they want anyways, but I find it really enjoyable to find certain contexts in some things.


Like the most recent songs posted, I think on 'the legend lives on' as a compliment to a person of what seems to be good character, and 'never giving up a person', to think in good ways about good things and how people are not lost. Although there are some misses in things, you can still see things that are wonderful.

In the same way, there is violence in many things, so you have to change what they mean in your mind to enjoy a clip with the right context in many cases. It is interesting for sure.

[Crystal Clarity]

4. I'd take it as a compliment,

say "thank you" and leave it at that. I'm 44, therefore not exactly a 'girl', but thats ok. As long as the guy means well, then fine with me. :-)

[wickerwoman]

5. I think offended is a bit strong,

and yeah, context is important.

It could be seen as trying to put a woman in her place.

On the other hand, it could be a corny kind of compliment.

Would he be offended by being called a "cute boy"? Or would it just seem like a kind of odd observation give his age?

[Richardo]

6. Whether the women are offended or not, his age is not an issue

I agree, context is everything.

That said, American men in their 40s have grown up in a post-1970s-womens-lib era where they KNOW that some women won't like it. I'm in my 50s and I know that. I'd excuse my dad based on his age, but he's almost 80. I'd say any American man younger than 50 knows better.

[Crystal Clarity]

7. Well

Someone in his 40's should know better, but that doesn't necessarily mean he does. He may just be blissfully unaware of social no-no's. Some people just are not as attuned to societal norms as they should be. They can be brilliant in other ways, but have a low EQ. If the guy is well intentioned (and most people can tell the difference) then I (personally) wouldn't beat him over the head about it.

That said, I think the OP is doing the guy a favor by pointing out that calling an adult woman a 'pretty girl' may not always go over well.

[Richardo]

8. There's always the possibility of social shortcomings I suppose.

I'll amend to say he SHOULD know better. :D

[Crystal Clarity]

12. What a cutey-pie Beagle you've got there! nt

[Captain Hilts]

10. Yes. An astute observation by the original poster here. nt

[Captain Hilts]

9. The insulting part is that he seems to say it to a lot of women. It's a wee bit archaic...

in some circles as a lot of women want to think they've got something more going for them than their looks.

[cwydro]

11. I'd think

he needs a new line.

[seabeyond]

13. i wouldn't find it offensive, but i shrug remarks like that off. they aren't genuine and feel

a little creepy. men, i dont know from adam, making a comment like that, does nothing for me.

as far as the girl part.... for whatever reason we just cannot call a woman a woman. lady, girl, ho, bitch, broad.... but woman is beyond our grasp. i understand. and i dont.

[Chan790]

18. The answer to your question is formalism.

It's the same reason people make up cutesy words for their genitalia...the proper term feels clinical and over-formal so people refuse to use them because they don't want to project an image of being clinical and over-formal. Or as my collegiate philosophy of language professor said: "The two un-sexiest words in the English language are "penis" and "vagina"." It's an issue of semiotics and linguistics as much as gender.

You're going to counter that men are called "men", but really they're not with any greater frequency than women are called "women" and typically in the same contexts. Guy, dude, pal, gentleman, boy,..

The real problem lies that the vernacular terms of gender used tend to be empowering towards men and dis-empowering towards women.

[seabeyond]

20. good post. i dont necessarily agree. i have no hiccup using men.

i have caught myself typing both girl and lady and having to retype woman. not feel natural.

the other night talking to hubby about a possible woman hired. first he said girl, changed to lady then i asked, why not woman.

but we were talking about the possible hire of a man and there was no adjustment or thought. man came out easily

since i have noticed, colbert the other night used girl, and if not that, lady. never woman.

he has no issue with man.

the three people in example, hubby, colbert and me are not sexist or old, or behind times or whatever.... culturally, for whatever reason, woman trips us up.

now, i have also noticed, since i noticed, woman is coming much more naturally for me.

but i agree it is the same feel as with penis and vaginal. raising boys, i have adjusted to the clinical, now they are as easily a part of vocabulary as the cutsey. just a matter of awareness to overcome. not hard.

[Richardo]

24. You need to get out more.

...for whatever reason we just cannot call a woman a woman. lady, girl, ho, bitch, broad.... but woman is beyond our grasp.

PLENTY of people refer to women without using the terms 'lady', 'girl', 'ho', 'bitch' and 'broad'. Most of the people I know, in fact. But maybe I just hang around with a better group of people than you do.

And why would you use the term 'we' in that sentence? You're including yourself? Or is it just that collective liberal guilt we're all supposed to subscribe to? I personally don't subscribe to collective guilt.

Anyway, all generalizations never work. <--self-referential humor

[seabeyond]

26. firstly, yes, i probably need to get out more but living in texas, i have become a bet of an

isolationist.

secondly, .... the "we", yes i include self as i put in one of the posts, dont know which

thirdly, .... thanks for letting me know that is not the norm, even though said rather bitchy, i am going to pay attention in the future, because i think things like this is interesting. seeing how i noticed recently colbert doing the same makes me think company i spend time with are not so low on the wrung.

generalization is just what it is. no more or less.

[MissMillie]

14. Maybe he's looking for an "old-fashioned" woman

and this is his way of weeding out the "modern" ones.

I don't know that "offended" is the right word for how I'd feel.

I'd think he wasn't very enlightened, but I don't know that I'd take it personally.

[PassingFair]

15. I would think he was full of *hit.

But I wouldn't be offended...

[raccoon]

16. I prefer the term "woman."

Or "active adult" or even "little old lady." :hi:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

17. I would not think much of it or him. n/t

[Deep13]

19. I would NEVER say that.

First, as noted elsewhere, adults are women, not girls. As a 42-yr.-old hetero man, I'm attracted to women, not children. Second, it's bullshit and she would know it was bullshit. Besides, a fair response to that remark might be "so what?" Prettiest ever? That and $3 will get you a cup of coffee.

[seabeyond]

21. exactly. it is more the comment than the girl part. how many times does a woman hear that

in a lifetime.

[grasswire]

30. I think he means "I'm really interested in you"

....and he comes on VERY strong when he finds someone attractive. It fails. He says "I'm very intense, and I have to be the way I am. If she can't deal with that, then I haven't wasted our time." It fails.

But the guy is two years out of an emotionally abusive marriage, so he's kind of rudderless about relationships at this point.

[seabeyond]

31. interesting

you are right, his comment still really does fail. i dont know what type of woman that would work with. but really is a " ya fine, sure" and off i go kinda, comment for me.

again, i think cause it is used so very very much. this guy is an example. he says intense. we are saying sincere.

interesting. thanks. out of a tough relationship, i do hope he finds peace. i am always for the person that insists on being self, regardless. i think he could find a different way to be true to himself and do this interaction thing better.

[grasswire]

33. yeah, it's almost a shield

If a guy routinely and early on tells each woman something that has a 90 percent chance of her thinking he's insincere, maybe that's just his way of protection.

He's a family member. That's why I see it up close.

[seabeyond]

36. good point. thank you

i can absolutely see that. protecting self from putting self out and being vulnerable. this has the excuse why not successful. interesting.

i bet that has something to do with so much of the jerk male stuff (and there are jerk female stuff too, we just arent talking about it). what i have found, the biggest male asses are the ones that are, also are crying about being alone and not connected. as a whole. not talking individually. all uniquely different.

i love this perspective. all this time chatting this subject, i havent heard it said in this manner.

[carlyhippy]

22. It wouldn't bother me at all

there are worse things he could have said....

[lunatica]

23. I'm 61

A very nice young man in a mom and pop store always asks me for ID when I buy wine there. It invariably makes me laugh.

But when I was younger it probably would have bothered me. Not anymore.

[dawg]

25. I refer to women as girls all the time - I don't think it should be a problem.

Likewise, I wouldn't mind it if a woman referred to me as a cute boy or her boyfriend or something similar.

As for the prettiest girl I've ever met, I surely wouldn't be throwing that one around. It's obviously insincere.

[Captain Hilts]

27. As a collective, I don't mind it - our 'boys' overseas, 'good ol' boy', and so forth. nt

[old mark]

28. At least he doesen't call them "Honey".......nt

[Captain Hilts]

32. During the campaign the president addressed waitresses as 'sweetie'.

[Fire Walk With Me]

29. Perhaps he has Alzheimers.

[Gormy Cuss]

34. I'd tell him that's the nicest thing that a little boy has said to me in a long time.

If it's flattering for women, it must be flattering for men too. :D

[Tikki]

35. Truth is...I might just be the...

prettiest 'girl' 'women' he has ever met. Though I doubt it.

Sometimes a line is just a line and I'd say the majority of women or girls would be on to that.


Tikki

[Courtesy Flush]

37. Do these offend women?

The golden Girls

Material Girl (Madonna)

Spice Girls

Suicide girls

Girls night out

Girlfriend

Girl Talk

It's just a word. Lighten up.

[bigwillq]

38. I would think he was a lying fool

but pretty harmless. I wouldn't be offended. Yes, I know, I am not a woman, but I've had many men that age say basically the same thing to me a few times. I wasn't offended.