Update on my stupid shit-head of a cat:

[Orrex]

Since I last vented about him two days ago, he has twice pissed on the carpet and once on my son's blanket--on the bed.

The only reason that I haven't killed the damn cat already is that my axe is in the shed and it's under a ton of stuff out there.


He's a spiteful little asshole who wore out his welcome a little over five and a half years ago. We've made every effort to accommodate the bastard and make him happy, and every effort is met by a deluge of piss with a smattering of shit.


If there are five people who believe that there's no such thing as a "bad" cat, let them step forth: I will mail a piece of him to each of you.


:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

[femmocrat]

1. Life is too short to put up with a demon cat.

Do something about him already (something legal, I mean).

[Orrex]

2. The issue has been complicated...

by my six year old recently declaring the cat to be "part of our family." This, in spite of the fact that the cat never comes within 15 feet of either child and flees in a panic if either of the approaches him.

Also, the six year old is not the one whose blanket keeps getting pissed on.

[femmocrat]

3. The child will get over it. Believe me.

Losing a pet is part of growing up. Just tell him or her the cat went to live with the "nice farmer". Then get a cute kitten, and demon cat is relegated to "family" history.

[rainbow4321]

21. You've heard of the binky (pacifier) fairy?

The one that comes in the middle of the night and whisks away all the binkies in the house? Time for a cat fairy.

[madinmaryland]

4. You've put up with him for over five and a half years!!

:rofl:

Looser!!

You've been pwned, BIG TIME!! By a cat no less!!

:rofl:

[Orrex]

5. He's closing in on eight years old, but he's only been a major problem for five and a half

Though I admit that he's been kind of fucked up since we first brought him home.


If someone could tell me "he'll expire naturally within four to six weeks," I could bear it. But I'm tormented by the possibility that he might live another whole decade or more!

[Brickbat]

6. I would show that cat the door.

And I mean the door to the next world.

[azmouse]

7. I could send my friend over to talk to kitty.

[alphafemale]

8. You could just put him on a plane by himself to Russia.

:hide:

[seabeyond]

10. you're funny. nt

[Orrex]

13. Curiously, my wife floated the same idea

If we could get him a passport, we'd do it in an instant!

[woo me with science]

37. LOL! nt

[Arugula Latte]

9. Is there any way you could provide adequate, warm shelter + food and keep him out of the house?

It seems better than some of the alternatives.

[Orrex]

12. We thought about that, but he has no outdoor instincts.

Also, our neighborhood has a number of street-bred strays that would kick the shit out of him.

Despite my axe-based fantasies, I truly don't want him to suffer any more than is necessary!

[jobycom]

26. Sounds a lot like an outdoor cat trying to get out.

I've seen cats who hated to be indoors, and acted like you're descibing. One used to poop on our counter while we were watching. Usually when a cat does something like that--relieves itself on something of yours or in plain site--it's trying to tell you something. What it's trying to tell you may make no sense to anyone other than a cat, but it's a form of communication, not retribution or vengence, usually. If they just hate the litter box, they find hidden places to go. If they hate you, they'll just bite you, or more likely just stay away from you.

Remember, these are animals barely removed from the wild, where they mark their territory by peeing on a tree or pooping on their boundary. Your cat is giving you a message that something is wrong. Maybe he wants outside, maybe he's sick, maybe he feels bullied by something else in the house. You may never figure out what it is, but that's what's happening. He's trying to tell you something.

Cats are amazingly communicative. I've had cats come get me to tattle on younger cats for getting in the garbage or eating off the table--they will meow until you follow them, then stop when they've shown you what's wrong. I had one cat tell me another cat was locked on the balcony--she kept sitting outside my bedroom and meowing, and when I ignored her, she finally went into the other room, got the trapped cat's favorite toy, and dropped it in front of me and started meowing again. When I got up, she ran straight to the balcony door and meowed until I got there, then she walked off and laid down, like she'd accomplished her goal. She did stuff like that all the time, so it wasn't just coincidence. She was the worst cat for going off her box, too, but every time she did, I eventually figured out she was sick, or that something else was wrong.

I doubt that helps you any, but oh well. :)

[snooper2]

38. It would at least be worth a shot...

We have our own Shit Fucker (his real name is Littles) who used to take a dump every day twice a day on the floor. Every morning when I got up I had to clean it up and as soon as I got home from work. It was just concrete slab as that room was pending remodeling so we didn't care TOO much.

New carpet installed a week ago...Shit Fucker has been staying outside but my wife felt bad as it has been getting hot so she let him in for a bit. Not 5 minutes, 5 Fucking Minutes and Shit Fucker took a dump right in the middle of that new carpet.

He's outside Shit Fucker for good now....


Our Bichon has only went maybe twice inside in all the years we have had him, the other two cats are perfect with the litter box. But not Shit Fucker....

[bif]

11. Have him put down and tell the kids he ran away.

Live is too short to put up with an asshole cat.

[demtenjeep]

14. its time to take kitty to the shelter

and when enough time has passed, adopt a new little baby. Kids will adapt

[Walk away]

15. Why not build him a little house in the yard and move his food dish,

blankie and the last thing he peed on out there too. You can heat it with a light bulb in the winter if you insulate it well. You just have to get good at opening and closing your back door to keep the "Deamon Spawn" outside.

He sounds like he would be a lot happier beating the crap out of the neighborhood mice and peeing in your crabby neighbors flower bed anyway. Make sure he has an annoying little bell around his neck, a name tag and all of his shots. That alone should make it worth doing just for his embarrassment and temporary discomfort. Be a good pet owner and get a little of your own back.

[cwydro]

29. I think that is a good idea.

He might be happier outside.

I think people tend to anthromorphosize and project "people" feelings onto animals.

This cat is just acting the way he does for his own cat reasons. No reason to think he is "evil".

My old cat hunts shoes, always has. Annoys the crap out of me when I am going running and can't find a shoe. She usually only steals one from the pair.

Of course, one would think after 16 years that I would put my shoes out of her reach. but no.

[flvegan]

16. This has probably gone far enough. n/t

[Orrex]

17. That's what I keep telling the cat.

If he'd listen, I'd stop ranting about him.

[MiddleFingerMom]

18. Reading your OP...

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...I suddenly flashed on this parody title for a book on cat pathology...
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...(or maybe cat owner pathology):
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ORREX: THE MAN WHO MISTOOK HIS CAT FOR A HAT
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That vision...
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...that sodden, poo-speckled vision...
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...is worthless without pics.
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[mcctatas]

19. you'll have to forgive me...

but your cat rants always make me laugh my ass off :rofl:

[Gormy Cuss]

20. The cat probably thinks that you're a stupid shit-head too.

:P

He's been trying to tell you in as many obnoxious ways as he can that he hates living in your house. Maybe it's the loss of his buddy, maybe it's the young children, maybe it's something else but he couldn't make it any clearer unless he knew mime.

I hope that you can find some crazy cat rescue willing to rehouse him.

[Orrex]

22. He knows where the door is.

And if indeed he hates living here--rather than being a filthy wretch--I'll be happy to help him exit.

[AngryOldDem]

23. You've put up with enough out of that creature.

Just open the door and show him the Great Outdoors.

There is no sense in letting a cat make your life a living hell.

[fortyfeetunder]

24. Does Wil.E. Coyote live nearby?

Out my way, coyotes regularly have cats as dinner guests :evilgrin:

[grasswire]

25. have you considered a companion cat?

Maybe the poor thing is really bored and lonesome.

[MajorChode]

27. Cats are the new chicken

[UndertheOcean]

28. You haven't barbecued that critter yet , I heard catburgers are quite tasty.

[carlyhippy]

30. he's an outdoor cat, put him outside or put an ad for a farm to take him

it would be best for the both of you.

[TZ]

31. Nice post you cat hating

Hannibal Lector wanna be....:P
One actual suggestion..have you tried using some of that feliway stuff? Its really supposed to have positive effects on soothing cats and sounds like your cat could use it...

[stray cat]

32. Those who believe all cats and pets are good should step up and adopt him

and really prove their hypothesis.

[cwydro]

34. I will take him if Orrex is serious.

He has to be a shorthair...too hot here for longhairs.

You got to get him to Key West somehow though.

[mnhtnbb]

33. Sounds like you have an outdoor cat. Make a shelter with some bedding

and start feeding him outside. Don't leave cat food out, though, or you'll attract other critters.

[PassingFair]

35. Frist Clinic and Retirement Villas

I'm sure he'll be well cared for there.....

[Touchdown]

36. He's the perfect mate to my puking, ass wiping on the carpet female calico.

We should get them together... at you're house, and let them kill each other.

[Bryn]

39. Have you talked to your cat's vet?

Once I had a cat that started doing that until I took her to her vet & found that she had infection in urinal tract (sp?) & was treated. Then she stopped doing that.