If I'm paying for your dinner...

[CreekDog]

Is it gauche to tell me not to text you with the directions to the restaurant because it will cost you 20 cents (because your plan doesn't include free text messages)?

(further info: yes, they can receive text messages; they don't want to be charged for them)

the real annoyance however is mainly directed at cell phone companies for which it costs less to send a text than to make a phone call.

[TZ]

1. Yes, in my opinion it is.

i don't think one 20 cent text is going to bankrupt someone...however...:popcorn:

[HipChick]

2. were you expecting anything afterwards?

[mike_c]

3. texting would appear to be off the list of possibilities....

:rofl:

[seabeyond]

5. lol. nt

[CreekDog]

7. if she's not letting me text her

i mean... :rofl:

[seabeyond]

4. she probably didnt put the two together and would be embarrassed put like that

on the other hand, she sounds like she said it motely, being fiscally conservative and watching her pennies. that is a good thing in a person. but probably said it out of hand without much thought.

she is probably facepalming self rethinking what she said... or not

[CreekDog]

16. which is why i'm saying it somewhat anonymously here

and not to the person directly.

i don't want to cause a facepalm moment.

[BethCA66]

6. Feel free to pay for my dinner and text me ANY time. n/t

[Symarip]

8. I'll tell you one thing's for sure:

I'm really fucking hungry so will you just email me where you're buying me dinner already?!

[tango-tee]

9. Yes it is.

A sign of the times to come. Put on your running shoes, lace them up and run in the opposite direction.

[Rosie1223]

10. I guess I'm in the minority but I don't think so

I would have to tell you not to email me the directions because I don't have a smartphone. I don't want to pay the extra $$ monthly charge for internet on my phone. I would tell you I would look up the directions before I left home.

It would be gauche, however, if you went ahead and texted them anyway.

:hi:

[wickerwoman]

32. I don't think so either.

If there's a whole day between now and the dinner, it's more polite to e-mail than to text if the person gets charged for receiving it.

I would only text if I was meeting someone in an hour or two and there was a chance they wouldn't see the e-mail.

It's not really chivalry (which I guess is the point of paying, no?) if you take it as an excuse to be rude in another area.

I don't even like getting phone calls on my mobile. E-mail is free, Skype is free, talking is free. I'm on a fixed income and can't afford to burn through calling minutes and text charges like there's no tomorrow. They add up really damn fast.

If it's only 15 seconds of your time to send an e-mail is it worth alienating your friend over?

[CreekDog]

37. chivalry isn't the reason for paying, it's because it's a birthday

:hi:

[Rabrrrrrr]

11. Not gauche at all.

Though she should have just said "My phone doesn't receive texts" instead of mentioning the cost, but in this day and age when a simple "no" is not accepted by people without forcing a belabored reason and unassailable defense of it, she might have felt the need to be proactive and offer the reason why she didn't want to be texted. I empathize with her.


Maybe the question could be "Is it gauche to assume that because I'm buying someone dinner I therefore have carte blanche to do to that person whatever is convenient for me because they are in the position of inferiority and thus I have no boundaries on my actions?"

[CreekDog]

17. no matter how you slice it, it is not gauche to assume i can text someone once for 20 cents

before a dinner if in fact they can actually receive texts.

there is such a thing as proportionality.

[Rabrrrrrr]

25. Why not assume that she's adult enough to find the directions?

Why not assume she's adult enough to know whether she wants to be texted or not?

Why not assume that she's smart enough to figure out how to navigate in the world without the manly man forcing his help on her, at her expense?

proportionality my ass. This is totally about you and your needs.


Did you ever stop to think that, gee, maybe other people would like to text her and she's also told them "no"? Of course, by your logic, she should accept any and all texts, no matter how much they pile up in costs on her, because, fer fuck's sake, it's only 20 cents!!!!!!

:eyes:

Shit, why not go to the restaurant and demand your meal for free, because, fucking hell, it's just one meal out of hundreds served that night. They won't even notice it! Fuck yeah!!

Jesus.

She said she doesn't want to be texted. Either accept that fact, or stop hanging out with her because you're gonna piss her off if you demand that every time you "do something nice for her" she bend over backwards to accomadate you and fit in with YOUR financial/logical/interpersonal ideas.

See my above note about requiring ludicrous amounts of reasoning and defense for saying "no".

Do you really not know any other way to give someone directions other than texting them? You have a mouth. You have a phone. You surely can write. Lots of ways.

[CreekDog]

28. .

:rofl:

:bounce:

:wtf:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Rabrrrrrr]

29. Obviously you don't see it.

Here's how it went down:

You: Please come to dinner
Her: I'd love to! Thank you. Where?
You: I'll text you the directions.
Her: Please don't. I have to pay extra for texts.
You: Goddammit, I'm buying you dinner! I'm doing something for you, now you have to do something for me!! That's how it works! That's porportionality!!! I'm gonna go bitch about this on a public anonymous forum, and will call you gauche and cheap, because as I see it this isn't about you not wanting to get text messages on your phone, this is about you being too goddamn cheap to accede to my demands for convenience and/or quid pro quo gift giving.


Here's how it should have gone down:


You: Please come to dinner
Her: I'd love to! Thank you. Where?
You: I'll text you the directions.
Her: Please don't. I have to pay extra for texts.
You: That's perfectly okay, and thank you for letting me know so that I don't mistakenly do this in the future. In fact, you would have said enough just to state that you'd rather not be texted. You owe me no explanations or defenses as to why, and as I am a gentleman, it would be rude of me to ask for or expect any. How would you like me to give you directions?



Just as with an invitation to a wedding or other party, the party responding "no, thank you" has no obligation whatsoever to offer a reason why, and the person doing the inviting has absolutely no right to expect a reason. Or the person who gives someone a gift has absolutely no right to expect that the giftee should then, someday, proffer a return gift.

She said she didn't want to be texted - and, in my opinion, she has a fair enough reason (but if she hadn't given a reason, it's not up to you or me or anyone else to judge her on it) - you should have etiquetted up and accepted it without such complaining.


What irritates me most about your diatribe is this typically American no-sense-of-etiquette attitude you have, that since you were buying her dinner, then dammit, she should be willing to spend some money on you.

How very sad.

I think it's more fun to give gifts and be generous for the sake of being generous, to make someone's day a little better, or to enjoy the time together and build a memory.

[CreekDog]

30. He got so annoyed at Rabbrrr he told him to shut his blank

:D

[Shining Jack]

39. You are quite melodramatic.

Maybe you should write soaps? Just my 20 cents. :P

[madinmaryland]

12. What? You are unable or unwilling to use your cell phone for actually

making cell phone calls?? Especially since he has said that she does not want to be charged for them. Common courtesy dictates that you should just call him and not text him.

[Sanity Claws]

13. How did the topic come up?

I meet people at designated places and don't expect them to send me messages with directions. I expect them to treat me like a competent adult; they assume I know how to get there and that if I don't, I will find the directions or specifically ask for them.

I get the feeling there's more going on here than just one twenty cent message.

[Kali]

14. kinda what I was thinking, too

[CreekDog]

19. Well it's not DU until we all want a good look at the transcript

:rofl:

we made the plans for tonight and were supposed to touch base with the time/place sometime today. i said i'd text the info.

she said not to because they cost money and are not covered by the plan.

now, anything beneath the surface that could explain this, oh, if you knew us, perhaps you could come up with something but you'd have to know us, which you don't or i'd have to explain that, which of course i don't really want to do.

but the point of my post was not to do psychoanalysis...i simply thought we could have a discussion based on the empirical observations in this situation.

[TZ]

21. Well that...

and some shit stirrer urged you to post this here. I wonder who that was...O8)

[Sanity Claws]

22. I think you misunderstand

I wasn't trying to psychoanalyze you. After all, DU does not have any means for me to charge you for my expertise. :)
Rather, I was trying to find out your friend's side of the issue.

But since you want us to limit this discussion to your "empirical observations," I can do nothing more than agree with you. After all, yours are the only facts I am permitted to work with.

[CreekDog]

27. hey, you can ask for what you want, i can ask too

:shrug:

:rofl:

[MrCoffee]

15. I don't have a text plan, and yes, I get irate when people text me.

But that's me.

[CreekDog]

18. Years ago when I started getting texts at 10 cents a pop, I was a little annoyed BUT

I never complained. If that's how they wanted to talk to me, I could either pay or tell them not to send me them.

Personally, I'd rather hear from people.

And once I got a smartphone, I preferred texting anyway.

If you doubt the value of texting, try calling someone from a concert that you are trying to meet them at. :wtf:

[Shell Beau]

20. Why not call her with directions?

But I would've just paid the 20 cents. If the date went well, maybe I'd tell you that I really don't like to text.

[CreekDog]

23. It's not a date, well I didn't intend it to be

And I of course did call her and didn't bring up the text thing.

[Shell Beau]

24. Why did I assume it was a date???? Duh!

Oh, then hell yeah it is dumb. Send a text anyway!! lol! No, don't.

[CreekDog]

26. Well now I'm wondering if she thinks it's a date

We'll be okay. :rofl:

[Debi]

31. A gentleman would offer to drive rather than expecting his date to find her way

[CreekDog]

35. you're right if it's a date, but it really isn't

:hi:

[petronius]

33. Who is paying should not be relevant - if a person requests not to be texted for whatever

reason than you simply don't text them. No further thought is required.

And, as Debi has pointed out, the offer of a ride should come before the offer of directions.

Enjoy your dinner (and don't read too much into her menu choices... :P)

[CreekDog]

36. she should let me text her

then order the lobster. :rofl:

[petronius]

40. If it's not a date and she still orders the lobster, you should text her

right there at the table... :)

[Iggo]

34. Toss her a couple of dimes after dinner.

"Sorry about the text, toots."

She'll dig it.

[TheCentepedeShoes]

38. You are dating my mother

Run away

[Critters2]

41. I think it's gauche to post about this on a public message board.

:)

[TZ]

42. !

WIN! :rofl:

[CreekDog]

44. Hush you...you were the one told me to post this scintellating question in the 1st place

:spank:

[TZ]

46. Yes and I've gotten GREAT enjoyment

From it!!! Stirring shit is fun!!!

[CreekDog]

43. To be fair, I thought of that before you did

Sadly, not before I posted this. :rofl:

:hide:

[TK421]

45. all that, over 20 cents? If I didn't want the directions, I wouldn't want them tex ted

to me, but it kind of sounds like you were just trying to be courteous about giving directions while this person was worried about a 20 cent charge...shit, according to my carrier ( AT&fuck ) I can't turn that option off....which means that even if I don't use texting ( which I don't....I fucking hate it ) when someone sends ME a text message, I STILL get charged for it even if I don't respond to it!!! THAT is utter, fucking, BULLSHIT....still and all, I wouldn't have given much thought to your wanting to give directions to someone

[struggle4progress]

47. What? You're paying for my dinner? When? By the way, it would be pointless

to text me, cuz I don't have a cell phone. Do you mind if I start with a slice of the caviar pizza? I don't really like caviar, but I think I'll take it home in a bag for my dog. How's the wine cellar there? Do they have 1945 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild Jeroboam? And it it possible to get gold-leaf-covered baked Alaska for dessert? You don't mind if I bring my girlfriend, do you? It's, like, our six-week anniversary of going out

[MiddleFingerMom]

48. It was 20 cents. Go through with this -- but then RUN AWAY!!

.
Of COURSE, it makes much more sense to text directions -- unless you want to spend
all that time WRITING them down or getting them verbally and forgetting them later.
.
It was just plain rude, needs no "excuse", my non-texting black... um berry.
.
There are too many folks out there completely lacking in any kind of graciousness --
and this "Don't you cost me 20 cents" is a pretty good indicator of what she would
be like in general.
.
What would have been reasonable behavior would have been to thank you for the
consideration of texting her the directions... and a frank "this-time-only" follow-up.
For THAT she need give no explanation or excuse unless she wished to.
.
But it's 20 freaking cents.
.
RUN AWAY!!! RUN AWAY!!! RUN AWAY!!!
.
MAYBE... if you really think it MIGHT have been a facepalm moment, tell her that
what she said was not justifiable for the 20 cent cost and give her a chance to
say that it was a regrettable way of expressing her wishes. THAT would show the
graciousness that I mentioned and some character that would be worth your time.
.
My bet is you'll get an unreasonable HOW DARE YOU EXPECT ME TO TAKE A 20 CENT
TEXT MESSAGE BECAUSE YOU'RE BUYING ME DINNER.
.
Geeeeezzzzzz.
.
Those EXPECTATIONS have revealed you for the fucking unenlightened misogynist
that you are.
.
And this is a forum where people ask for all sorts of advice and opinions, both from
strangers and (ahem) FRIENDS whose opinions they know and trust about subjects
ranging the gamut from frivolous to life-and-death and all of a sudden THIS post
is "tacky" for having been placed here?
.
Uh-huh.
.
Rudeness in exchange for saving, not any accumulated amount as she could have THEN
set her limits, but 20 cents? That is not a good sign at all.
.
Move on. Nothing to see HERE, CreekDog. I'm sorry for that.
.
But there are better people and things with which to occupy your precious time.
.

.

[klm55500]

49. I wouldn't mind