Piles of more loss. I really do not want another new year, and haven't for a while.

[AlienGirl]

Sometimes I can brave-face my way through things when I think it'll help someone else. Not right now.

For complicated reasons involving the power imbalance inherent in an unemployed person living off the wages of an employed one, a tiny living space in a crappy condo building with leaks and wiring problems, depression vs. OCD, and everything else, my room-mate needs me and my stuff and my critters out of here very soon. Not to disappear entirely, just to be a lot less here.

A friend is willing to put me up for a while, but his place is also tiny and crowded and he is even more broke than me. (This is the same friend whose house my first ex-husband dumped me at as soon as the chemo and radiation were done.) I don't know how long I can stay there.

The connected guy who'd told me he was willing to solve all my problems in one fell swoop dropped out of sight just after Thanksgiving. No emails, no calls, I leave messages...he had just come into town to surprise me the day after Thanksgiving, we had what I thought was a fine evening together, he was supposed to call at noon the next day and never did. Last I heard, he hadn't been in touch with his son, either, so there's that: I can't be sure he isn't just Doing Something Important But Secret or else in the hospital again. (Hospitals have phones, though.) I'm not sure whether to consider myself dumped or not.

I had a fight with my mother over health-care reform. She's agin' it and I'm for it. When I told her how being uninsured affects me, she pretty much told me straight out that it's because I've made bad choices (which I have, undoubtedly). I had imagined that maybe my family didn't think of me as a total loser, but they do.

Everything since 2000 has been downhill. Every time something's about to turn for the better, it collapses and I have to start again at the beginning. Work, love, family, stability, home, health, money, and sex are pretty much over for me, and I know it.

Tucker

[laylah]

1. I have nothing to offer but

:hug: So sorry to hear about your situation.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

2. No advice - just a hug and hope for a better tomorrow

~~ :hug: ~~

[Deep13]

3. Jesus Christ, I don't know what to say.

:hug:

[GoCubsGo]

4. This last decade has been horrendously sucky for me, too.

That last sentence pretty much describes it all, except for "family." I still have them, although my parents' health issues are part of my problems. Keeping my hopes up for the both of us. Don't write off your family. That situation may not be as dire as it seems.

[AlienGirl]

5. I was more referring to my kids and my role as mother.

[GoCubsGo]

6. I understand...

However, I referring to your notion that your family considers you a "total loser." Don't be so sure about that. Either way, don't sell yourself short. :-)

[dembotoz]

7. just hang in there and do the best you can.

I just erased a bunch of stuff that i thougt would be encouraging and just somehow sounded hollow.

Keep fighting girl.
you are worth it.

[KamaAina]

8. Say it ain't so, Alien!

I mean, on one level, I can relate -- but I'm still plugging away, well into my forties.

Could you be depressed? Sure sounds like it. Is it a seasonal thing?

And it's totally uncalled for for family to dump on you like that. Kind of puts my own Mom's nagging into perspective.

:hug: