Gary Bogue: Basic Rules for Cats Who Have a House to Run

[Gormy Cuss]

http://www.contracostatimes.com/ci_13834673?source=most_emailed

Cat Rules

Back in 1991, my now long-deceased Siamese, Isis, compiled a list of "Basic Rules for Cats Who Have a House to Run."

These provocative rules were amazingly well-received. Feral cats from as far away as Tasmania faxed in requests for copies, and some jerk in Canada posted a copy on his personal Web site with a note thanking me for my permission to use it, which he didn't have.

I guess it's time to share Isis' rules with the world once more.

Here they are:

-- Chairs & Rugs. If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get onto an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug, shag is good.

-- Doors. Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things.

This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow and mosquito season....

[La Lioness Priyanka]

1. ...

:rofl:

[Gormy Cuss]

2. This is the one that resonates with me:

--Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

This is Mr. Cat's prime directive :P

[Skittles]

6. there's no mystery there though

Mr. Cat is a f***ing perv

[kedrys]

7. My mom didn't know what to think when Imhotep followed her

into the bathroom. I tried to explain, but no dice. :rofl: At least she got to know him and his interesting quirks of behavior before he passed on.

[schmuls]

14. Mr. Pierre added another rule to bathroom conduct

Instead of staring, the rule is to bite my thigh when I am on the pot

[david13]

3. Based on my cat, you are lucky to have such a well behaved cat. dc

[murielm99]

4. I think this cat forgot a couple of rules.

When someone places a newspaper on a table to read it, always sit down on it.

Make yourself comfortable on a board game being played by two or more players. Then, stare around innocently.

Always help make a bed. That cat lump under the sheets or blankets is essential to a well-run household.

[Skittles]

5. and

if human is doing pushups walk in front of them, making sure to fan your hairy tail across their sweaty face :mad:

[meow2u3]

9. If your human is on the computer

be sure you jump on shoulders to obstruct his or her view of the monitor.

[meow2u3]

8. Based on my cats' actions, here's the rule of lap sitting

Always jump on the lap of the human who's wearing clothes in a color that contrasts that of your fur.

[Beer Snob-50]

11. and the more important rule about lap sitting

sit in the lap or next to the person who hates cats the most (the cat knows)

[carlyhippy]

10. the rules of Carly's cats

Always use the door frames as a scratching post, you are doing them a favor by making this bold decorating move, every home should have whittled door frames....

hungry at 6 a.m.? The proper way to gently awaken your pet human in this order....
1. paw gently at face
2. walk up and down stomach or back
3. sit on stomach/back and stare
4. knock items off of dresser
5. chew on plants, this move usually gets the pet human up

always make sure and cough up a hairball right after the pet human shampoos the carpets....they will appreciate your decorating touch....

[Louisiana1976]

12. I had a co-worker who used to say, "The cat is always on the wrong side of the door."

[TZ]

13. Thats hilarious

Lets not forget help edit posts on the computer. Human language is gibberish..Everyone knows and recognizes cat language TREOWETW$)(T%)Eg9405ojtg4j45096u2v n40v593i[5q32jgo[ ..See easy!

[CreekDog]

15. Don't ever throw up on tile, vinyl or wood flooring

if no carpet or upholstered surface is available to barf on, wait until some is installed. :eyes: