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Ugh, and I was really looking forward to Thanksgiving. I need advice DU.

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grace0418 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-24-09 11:39 AM
Original message
Ugh, and I was really looking forward to Thanksgiving. I need advice DU.
Edited on Tue Nov-24-09 11:41 AM by grace0418
After last year when my m-i-l was gravely ill with cancer (she's since made a full recovery), I was really looking forward to Thanksgiving with my husband's family while everyone is healthy, and NOT eating hospital food. I especially enjoy my husband's sister and her husband, we always have a great time. In fact, this year we are switching things up and traveling to their house for the weekend. They moved out of state and usually come back home for all the holidays.

Well, we just found out that they are on the verge of divorce, are not speaking and are not even sleeping in the same bedroom. They still want us to come down because we are bringing our two nieces (my husband's brother and his wife have to work and can't make it) to visit their cousins. I don't know how aware they'll be (they're all between the ages of 10-14), but it sounds like the adult conversation at least is going to be filled with tears, or awkward silences, or a combination of the two. I'm so sad for everyone involved, as there are no bad guys in this. But I really, really, reeeeaaaalllly don't want to spend the weekend stuck in the vortex of a failing marriage.

What do you all think? Should we suck it up and bring the girls down and spend the weekend in hiding? Or should we suddenly both get the flu and unable to drive down? I know the girls will be disappointed, but I highly doubt it will be the fun weekend they think it's going to be anyway.

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rurallib Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-24-09 11:43 AM
Response to Original message
1. I will just wish you good luck whichever you choose.
Now for my choice:
I would probably go down, but cut the visit short. I would think that the first day or so would be tolerable.
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grace0418 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-24-09 12:13 PM
Response to Reply #1
4. Maybe we can escape on Saturday. I just have to come up with a good excuse
to tell the girls why we have to leave early. I don't think I can bear to stay until Sunday. Thanks, that's a good idea.
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elehhhhna Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-24-09 12:45 PM
Response to Reply #4
7. Maybe stay at a hotel? And please ask them to go to marriage counseling --
it will help them manage the breakup, or it'll save the marriage. Either way they can tell their kids they did EVERYTHING they could.

You're meant to be there for a reason. Perhaps to facilitate a Thanksgiving miracle.
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grace0418 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-24-09 12:52 PM
Response to Reply #7
10. They live far away from any hotels. But I suppose it could be an option if it
came down to it. I know the girls will want to have slumber parties though.

I talked to my s-i-l about counseling and she's said they've had it several times but nothing changes.

I hope you're right. I'd like to see such a miracle. They are two really fantastic people and I'd like them to stay together, but ultimately I want them both to be happy.

:hug:
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BlueIris Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-24-09 12:08 PM
Response to Original message
2. Wow, that beats my soon to be Thanksgiving Hell hands down.
Sorry, grace.

I'd do what I can to keep the visit brief.
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grace0418 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-24-09 12:44 PM
Response to Reply #2
6. Yes, good advice.
Thanks. I hope your Tday is great.
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Sweet Freedom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-24-09 12:11 PM
Response to Original message
3. My family visited for Thanksgiving during similar circumstances
and it was a great day. (There was no crying! :) ) The STBE and I were more than civil and having family around was a great support. You should go. It if gets bad, then leave, but this may be their last Thanksgiving together and having you and children there may mean a lot to them.
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grace0418 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-24-09 12:49 PM
Response to Reply #3
8. That's Sweet Freedom for your excellent insight. I keep going back and
forth. My s-i-l pretty much told me that it was going to be awkward but she'd do her best. But I can see how the support would really help. Oy. :hug:
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-24-09 12:14 PM
Response to Original message
5. My dear grace0418...
I think you've gotten some good advice here...

Just hugs from me, and my wish that your weekend turns out a lot better than you expect...

:hug: :hug:
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grace0418 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-24-09 12:50 PM
Response to Reply #5
9. Thanks for the hugs. CP.
You always know just what to say. :hug:
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grace0418 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-24-09 05:15 PM
Response to Original message
11. UPDATE. My husband doesn't want to go at all. I can't get a hold of my b-i-l to see
what he thinks about us not going (it's his two daughters we are supposed to be taking with us). My s-i-l still wants us to come but admits it's going to be awkward as hell.

And since everything is up in the air I can't even go food shopping because I don't know if I'm buying ingredients for side dishes to feed 10, or buying ingredients for a whole dinner for just us two.

What a freaking mess.
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CaliforniaPeggy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-24-09 08:47 PM
Response to Reply #11
12. You have my complete sympathies, my dear grace...
I'm sure it'll work out, but it's hell in the meantime...

:hug:

Take care, sweetie!

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handmade34 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Nov-24-09 09:12 PM
Response to Original message
13. go
tradition is important for kids - being adult means doing the right thing, not always the comfortable thing
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