I had dinner tonight with a gentleman who lost his wife just a very few weeks ago....

[Mind_your_head]

He OBVIOUSLY loved her very much to do what he did for her for the past several years.....yet, again, he seems to be 'moving way too fast' (not on *me*, necessarily).....I don't know/understand how all of this *grief stuff* goes

Guilt/relief/moving-on......

[KT2000]

1. Have seen that in

some retired men.
They did love their wives but I think the ones who move fast just cannot stand to be alone. Some men are at a loss about keeping the household taken care of - eating, cleaning etc.

[Mind_your_head]

2. Thanks for your reply.

I think it's a little bit weird.

But, hey....I was the one who initiated the divorce between my ex & I....and I didn't have any desire to *date* for quite some time after that....

Granted, a divorce and a death are HUGELY different things from each other.

[peacefreak]

3. My dad did that, too.

My mom died in February, he re-met an old flame from high school in May & was re-married by August. All of the kids (from both sides)were aghast. We all planned to break it up. Fortunately we didn't.
They were married for 10 years until my dad died. It opened up a world for both of them. It could have worked out differently & I'm glad it didn't. It was a 10 year honeymoon.

[Deep13]

4. Life is short. There's no reason to wait just because...

...others might think it odd.

[cbdo2007]

5. He's probably just looking for someone to talk to, and doesn't know how to process

his grief. To him, he may feel like he needs to be intimate with a woman to share with her.

He may not know it but it's probably in both of your best interests to take it slow. His grief won't even really hit him for a few months. He's still in shock right now.

It sounds like his wife may have been on Hospice. They have bereavement counselors that are there just for this reason. Have him talk to one of them so that he can better process what he's going through.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

6. If it was a lingering illness, he may have already worked through

a lot of stuff ahead of time. Knowing that the end was inevitable, he has had time to process a lot of emotions.

[Fleshdancer]

7. he's living a hell that most of us can't comprehend

There are no rules for how someone grieves the loss of a loved one. Sometimes the only way to numb the pain is through physical companionship. The human touch is a very powerful thing.

[Biker13]

8. I Read Somewhere...

I wish I could remember where it was, that people that where in a happy marriage tend to remarry quickly after the death of a spouse. They understand the joy a good relationship can bring, and have hope they can once again obtain that same degree of happiness.

In short, don't mistrust what is happening here.If you like him, go for it!!

[Shell Beau]

9. Grief is a strange thing.

It does seem pretty soon, but there is no time table.

[LibDemAlways]

10. I have a friend who lost her sister about a month ago. The

deceased woman's husband has already had his teeth whitened and has been out with the ex of his wife's brother.

My friend isn't too happy about the speed with which he's moving, but recognizes that he went through two years of hell taking care of a bedridden, cancer-stricken wife. Now that he can once again start enjoying life, he isn't wasting any time.

[Mind_your_head]

11. Thank you very much for all of your replies/insight. eom