Should a married couple share the same last name?

[Pryderi]

[elocs]

1. Since I am not a woman and never will be, it is none of my business.

Simply, it's up to each woman to decide for herself.

[rug]

8. There's nothing stopping a man from changing his name.

[elocs]

9. The OP was edited and now says "married couple" instead of "woman".

Either way it is up to each individual and not for me to say.

[JonLP24]

2. Whatever the woman wants

There is no option in your poll for that choice. Whatever a woman 'should' do is what she wants to do.

[stray cat]

3. A woman's right to choose right?

if we have choice over reproductive rights we sure better have a choice in something as minor as a name.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. My dear Pryderi...

I would never say "should."

I did change mine, but lots of women don't.

It's a personal decision.

:shrug:

[GOPisEvil]

5. Should?

I don't tell people how to live their lives. Do it, or don't. I don't care.

I don't even care if my future wife changes it. It's up to her.

[AsahinaKimi]

6. I think it should be a choice..

One that both husband and wife can compromise about.

[Pryderi]

7. I edited the question.

[nickinSTL]

10. uh - that really is the choice of the people involved

there's no "should" about it.

My wife didn't take my last name, and I'm fine with that. Not my decision, and it shouldn't be.

[Iggo]

11. If they want to. (n/t)

[Vidar]

12. Strictly their choice.

[hippywife]

13. There is no correct answer

except that it is entirely up to the people involved, which was not an option included in this poll.

[Bertha Venation]

14. It's up to the couple to decide and it's none of my business. n/t

[EndersDame]

15. The couple should keep the coolest Last name

I have an extremely strong way cool uncommon spanish last name. If my bf and I were to get hitched there is no way in hell I would trade mine for his weak anglo name (not that all are weak just his is very common and doesnt have any OOmph! Spanish names can be plain too like Garcia)

[noamnety]

16. Other

Engaged couples should all submit their current names to me, and I will grace them with a new last name of my own selection.

[kedrys]

17. Up here, many people don't

There's paperwork involved, and since the state has to know which one you are in order to take care of you, changing your name has deliberately been made a pain in the arse. Also, there's a cocktail of relationship types that are recognized, so nobody's too hung up about the whole name thing.

[Blue_Tires]

18. let them decide on their own...

[prolesunited]

19. It's up to them

Where's that choice?

[Quantess]

20. If they want to, yes.

And if the husband has a unfortunate last name, he shouldn't hesitate to take the wife's last name.

[Rhiannon12866]

21. No, it harkens back to the days when women were considered chattel. n/t

[Bucky]

25. Is that why they call endless, insipid discussions "chatting"?

Thank you, thank you... I'll be here all week.

[Rhiannon12866]

27. No, "chattel"means "property..." n/t

[Bucky]

31. I was making a joke. But actually chattel means "mobile property" (as opposed to real estate)

It's all tied up in medieval "king owns the land" thinking... the king can tax the landed property cause he rules the land based on God's authority. However chattel property (same root derivation as cattle) belongs to the peasants and isn't subject to royal (in Latin "real") property.

[Rhiannon12866]

39. Thanks for the additional info., though I do know the difference.

And sorry that I didn't get your joke... :blush:

What I meant was that a woman changing her name goes back to when a wife was considered property, rather than a partner. Times have changed, and so should this practice. x(

Two of my childhood friends found me after many years and I more recently found my boarding school roommate. If any of us had changed our names, that wouldn't have happened. Changing one's name means that you disappear... :shrug:

[sakabatou]

22. If the couple wants to. So it's up to them.

[Bucky]

23. Either solution is okay. But never, ever hyphenate. That's a suck-ass loser's solution.

Sorry, but the test of something being right or wrong is whether you can imagine a world in which everyone makes the same choice. Obviously if everyone hyphenated their parents' combined last names, you'd have a pretty unmanageable situation within a couple of generations.

I read about one couple in Seattle several years ago who had an interesting solution to this delimma. Her name was something like Wolfowitz and his was something like Freiburger... and so they named all their kids with the last name Wolfburger or Freiburg, or something like that. Obviously this solution wouldn't work too well with one-syllable surnames. Like if Molly Jones married Tommy Schmitt, their kid would be named Stew P. Jitt.

[Fleshdancer]

26. In other countries, hyphenating is the norm. n/t

[Bucky]

32. That doesn't make it not wrong, only the foreign kind of wrong.

[Fleshdancer]

24. It's up to the couple

I don't think the word "should" really applies in this scenerio. A couple either wants to share the same name, or they don't, or they don't care one way or another.

Regardless, changing your name is a big pointless pain in the ass IMO.

[quakerboy]

28. Personally, I think they should both change and share a new last name

New name for a new family. Seems to make far more sense to me.

We didn't do that, for two reasons. First, double the paperwork. Second, our new name would have been Crismith. Festive, but with a lisp.

[tigereye]

29. should?

are you serious?


No.

[TCJ70]

30. Why is there no "It's up to them." option?

Because that's what I'd choose.

[old mark]

33. No reason not to- we decided to use my last name because my wife

was pretty tired of hers.No big statement to be made, just our individual choice.

mark

[LeftyMom]

34. Whatever they want to do.

A couple I know both changed their names. She was pretty traditional and wanted to have the same name as his, he came from a crappy family and really didn't want to saddle her with a name that reminded him of messed up relatives. So they made up a name that represented something about their personalities, and both legally changed their last names. I thought that was a pretty cool solution.

[lildreamer316]

35. HE took MY last name. I insisted.

No, really...he hates his stepdad, so he didn't really want to keep that name anyway.
Our son has my name, we agreed to that. So he just took mine!
Confusion at the courthouse, however.

[Skittles]

36. it's a choice, but I'd certainly never do it

I think it is ridiculous

[lukasahero]

37. Where's the "it's up to them" option? eom

[Gormy Cuss]

38. A better question is, should the law treat this name change as a gender neutral situation?

In most states the law isn't gender neutral on this point. Simply by getting married women are afforded the choice of assuming their spouses surnames or retaining their own. For men it involves a separate name change procedure in court, similar to when a person wants to change first names or change surnames at some point other than marriage.

It's more expensive and time consuming for men for no particular reason other than traditionthat assumes women will change surnames at marriage and men won't.

The ACLU successfully challenged CA law on this point and now the marriage certificates have gender neutral name changing options.
http://www.aclu-sc.org/releases/view/102870

Of course, there's another option, that of making all name changes require a court petition and public notice of the change.

[pitohui]

41. it costs women who change their name money and nuisance to change their name

i guess you don't know that because you're not a woman and apparently never met any

i honestly don't know why women change their names but it sure as shit ain't because it's cheap and easy -- even tho millions of women get married in america and large #s still opt to choose to change their name, the law acts like this is the first time it ever happened and the women who change their name jump thru all kindsa hoops

don't believe the hype, nothing is giving to women, NOTHING

*i* had no expenses because *i* did not change my name

but i've heard endless stories from other women abt the expense, loss of airline tickets, change of all kinds of paperwork, and so on if they were so foolish as to think that going along w. tradition would be the "easy" way to go

[Gormy Cuss]

42. It doesn't cost women anything for the legal change if they assume the husband's name

beyond the cost for the marriage license itself.

I believe you're writing about all of the time and expense it takes to make the change everywhere else, but men who change their name at marriage have at least the same level of expenses in that regard.

I honestly don't know why women change their names either and I sure as shit never wanted to do so.

[havocmom]

45. But it costs a woman to get her own name back if she wants it after a divroce

At least in some states.

A big consideration for many women is professional identification. If marriage comes after a career started or built, name change can be a professional loss. Same with second marriage. Many choose to stick with the name they have been known by for that reason.

Changing names really doesn't make much sense, especially considering just about all women are in the labor force or professions.

[Gormy Cuss]

46. Again, it costs both genders money to change their names at any other juncture.

In many cultures there is no tradition of women changing names solely because they marry. It's one of the curiously sticky traditions here in spite of changing roles for women in our culture.

[Captain Hilts]

44. They are also lost to friends, alumni assns, etc. nt

[pitohui]

40. well not if they're both grown-ups

it's a practical matter, if two people marry and both of them are actually adults and have established careers then both of them need to keep their names for professional reasons

if kids marry it's different who cares they can have any name because they haven't any professional name already established but i don't particularly approve of kids getting married and i don't think most kids who marry go on to enjoy any great success in life so it prob. doesn't matter anyway, the name whatever name they choose will be unknown anyway to anyone except their probation officer

[Captain Hilts]

43. The cultural default is that all shared last names, are the man's. Not fair. nt

[unpossibles]

47. eh, it's up to whomever is getting married, imo

I have some friends who both changed their name to a new name when they got married. I love it.