What's the wierdest thing a doc ever said to you? Does it beat what was said to me yesterday

[snagglepuss]

after a colonoscopy? After the colonoscopy the doc said my colon was so clean he could eat out of it.:wtf:

[Madrone]

1. LMAO

Perhaps he has a fetish?

[snagglepuss]

2. That's what I was thinking. Then I thought here is man who really likes his job.

[tigereye]

3. I think it's funny!

Last time I saw my doctor she said she didn't know how to answer her smartphone! :D

[snagglepuss]

5. He was nice but had strange sense of humor. Said that the sedation was same stuff that killed

Michael Jackson but that it is magic because it so quickly disappears from ones system.

[GOPisEvil]

4. Maybe your doctor was craving menudo.

:rofl:

[snagglepuss]

6. Well he certainly looking up the wrong tree. What was worse is that I didn't know whether I should

thank him for the compliment. I mean just what should one say?

[Lars39]

7. Ask for his autograph on the pics.

:D

[Fleshdancer]

8. I was very flattered when....

my new gynecologist complimented me on how "lovely and perfect" my vagina was. She's definitely on my xmas card list this year.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

9. And here I was feeling all proud of myself because

a plastic surgeon once told me I had a perfect nose. You totally win.

[snagglepuss]

10. LOL nt

[Fleshdancer]

12. No no no no! YOU win

A plastic surgeon told you your nose is perfect???!? Plastic surgeons never think ANYTHING is perfect. Total win.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

13. No, no, I bow to you.

A perfect hoo-ha trumps a perfect anything else.

[marzipanni]

16. A nose is a readily observable body part

Without a speculum, you can only speculate about a vagina. ;)

[Fleshdancer]

17. exactly

The nose is on your face for everyone to see

[Kat45]

37. Mine once told me mine was "pristine."

I got a kick out of that one.

[Bertha Venation]

41. WIN

:D

[La Lioness Priyanka]

49. LOL

:)

[Haole Girl]

11. When I saw a GP about my jaw, he said...

"I cry Uncle when it comes to jaws." I asked him if he failed that chapter in Anatomy. He suggested I find another doctor because he said we didn't have "a good working relationship." D'uh. :eyes:

[snagglepuss]

15. That is so bizarre. Could he not at least take a stab at it before crying uncle?

Your response is a riot. I just can't imagine myself saying what you said, I would think it but wouldn't say it. He sounds like a prig and you're probably better off with a differnet doc.

This reminds me of an former boss who'd always say that not all doctors get A's in med school.

[Bertha Venation]

42. What turned out to be the problem?

Please don't say "trigeminal neuralgia." :scared:

[Obamanaut]

14. I was in my 40's, getting the results of an annual physical in the Navy.

The dr asked me if I knew I had flat feet and hemorrhoids?

I asked him if the thought a man could be in his 40's, have flat feet and hemorrhoids and not know it.

I got stared at.

[snagglepuss]

18. ROFLMAO.. That's hysterical. What a comeback.

I have a weird hemorrhoid story. I had one flare up one day and was in agony waiting to get home. An unkempt crazed street woman boarded the bus after me and as soon as she sat down she started raving about how someone on the bus had hemorrhoids and she went on and on. I just there squirming, staring nonchalantly out the window and wondering what the hell was going on.

[Bertha Venation]

43. *cue Twilight Zone theme*

Weird.

[struggle4progress]

19. "I wouldn't know, Doc"

[snagglepuss]

26. That's a good response. "I wouldn't know DOC, I'll let you be the judge."

[struggle4progress]

28. "I'd suggest you try the China Buffet. It has a better menu"

[snagglepuss]

29. A bigger selection and all you can eat.

[Rowdyboy]

20. My Jewish urologist thought my adult (age 55) circumcision was hilarious.....

but he never said anything quite that outrageous. Congratulations! You win....

[snagglepuss]

27. Prior to this the most outrageous remark I got from a doctor was when I went in to see him about

constant headaches. Other than yearly checkups I never went to see him so it wasn't like I was a hypochondriac but his reply to me was that "if I was lucky maybe I had brain tumor". I failed to see the humour and found myself another doctor.

[driver8]

21. A dentist once told me that I had "a large tongue." He then said...

"...the women must love you!"

True story.

[Haole Girl]

22. Reminds me of the Dental Hygienist who told me I have an "untrained tongue"

I just got a sort of silly grin. She became pretty embarrassed. She never commented on my tongue again.

:rofl:

[snagglepuss]

24. LMAO. What exactly were you doing with your tongue that elicted that remark?

[Haole Girl]

25. I don't know...

guess I didn't move it once or twice when she told me to. To be honest, my jaw hurts so much when I have any dental work done, my tongue is the least of my worries!

[snagglepuss]

23. Sounds like a case of "tongue envy". I wonder if he sizes up everyones

tongue when they come in. I think it would be mildly disconnerting to one's tongue sexually appraised by a dentist. You kind of have to wonder how focused he was on your tooth.

[merh]

30. Send him a nice chianti and fava beans as a Christmas gift

[Quantess]

31. That's gross. I got an equally weird comment when I had an IUD inserted in my uterus.

I had taken a painkiller before the insertion, so it was only mildly painful. Then I saw the doctor waving bloody gloved hands in the air, chuckling, "it's like I installed a car stereo!"

[Chan790]

32. Oh my...

the things my GP said to me after I severely-strained my calf; it was the last time I went to him. The first time too, he'd replaced my PCPh. at her practice and because I'd not put in the paperwork to follow her to her new practice Aetna said I had to go to him or pay out-of-network.

"Well...Mr. Chan. Something is clearly not in the right place here but I don't know what. Let's get that MRI-ed."
"I think you may have torn your Gastroc tendon. Is that right? Is that the right name for that one? Maybe that's not that tendon? This...is not my area. I haven't looked at that musculature since Med school. It's really not important."
"No, I don't think you need pain-management. Your range of motion is already improving."
"You say that it feels like the muscle is going to tear if you try to straighten your leg? Oh my."
"Why do you think you need muscle relaxants? That would be fairly unorthodox, I think."
"Did you try to walk it off?"
"Would you like a referral to an orthopedic specialist? Is that what you're saying to me?"

All this while my leg is locked to about a 15-degree range of motion between 45' and 60' at the knee for a full 24-hours. First thing the orthopedist asks me a week later is "What did Dr. Quack put you on for pain management?" followed by "I assume that a course of muscle relaxants has not resolved the issue."

[Bertha Venation]

44. "'Did you try to walk it off?'" -- what the fuck?

Dr. Quack is right. Jeez.

[Chan790]

45. And he punctuated every sentence with "Oh my!"

I quipped about having bears and mountain lions locally (top of the Berkshires in W. CT) but no tigers. I got a quizzical and serious look. I think he had no idea what I was talking about.

[marzipanni]

33. At a checkup a couple of weeks after delivering my son

the ob-gyn said, "You're stretched out down here! You're stretched out down here! You're stretched out down here! You're stretched out down here!












Heh, not really, just couldn't resist telling an old joke. :hi:

[LeftyMom]

34. "You have lovely breasts. Very nice."

I've had breast exams and I've been felt up and contrary to what she seemed to have assumed, I do know the difference.

The creepy thing is that the nurse practitioner in question was doing my gynecological exam in pediatrics because I was seventeen and my insurer wouldn't let me go see a normal gyno until I was eighteen. Yuck. :scared:

[grasswire]

35. obgyn: "I'm not being fresh."

He was creepy. I'm not the only one who thought so.

[Digit]

36. I probably should have turned him in, but

I went to a fertility specialist to find out about having having a sperm donor baby when I was single and feeling the old biological clock and after examining me the doctor volunteered to do the "donoring", so to speak. No equipment need....

[Broken_Hero]

38. Honestly, you don't want to know...

If you are that curious, pm me, and I will tell you..its a fucking hoot, <---:eyes:

[sarge43]

39. Can't top that. Jeebus.

Run snagglepuss, run like the wind. You don't want someone that strange pawing around in your gut.

[Bertha Venation]

40. That a mole under my right breast is actually a third nipple.

:wtf:

[Brother Buzz]

46. During my colonoscopy the Doctor exclaimed, "Hey, look at this"...

That is all I remember hearing during that drug induced dreamland in was in. When I fully woke up the doctor told me there was a hole leading from my large intestines into my stomach. He had seen a tumor in the stomach during the Endoscopy but didn't catch the fistula until he performed the Colonnscopy. He had already set up an appointment with the surgeon and scheduled a surgery table. I was under the knife before the week ended.

[Arugula Latte]

47. "What are you naming the baby?" ... I was having a miscarriage at the time.

She wasn't exactly a doctor ... more like a medical something or other in training ... but she was telling me that "spotting" was very common with pregnancy and that I probably wasn't miscarrying. No, I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was.

I was lucky, though, because I had a toddler boy at the time and then I got pregnant again easily and had my baby girl. :) That was ten years ago.

[NightWatcher]

48. I've got you beat. With his head buried in a clipboard.."So when was your last menstration?"

Uh Doc, you talking to me?

I was at the Dr for my sports physical prior to starting baseball Junior year.

Btw, I was 6'4", 200 lbs AND A GUY!!!! (I said "was" because now I'm 6'6" and pushing 235...still a guy)