Do u have a "positive-thinker"/religious boss? I need advice.

[Nay]

OK--my new boss belongs to a semi-fundie church and is a real proponent of the dumber aspects of the positive thinking movement. For example, he's posted "affirmations" all over the office. As an official act. This irritates the shit out of everybody, because it is a substitute for actually doing anything to improve working conditions. I have no idea whether he is using it cynically or really believes in it, but considering the church he belongs to, I tend to think he's a believer. I personally think positive thinking is mainly hooey--I try to be a realist, and by nature I'm a pessimist, which, if you'll remember from the scientific studies, means that I have a more realistic view of the world than the pie-in-the-sky folks like him. Now to my problem.

Frankly, I have no interest in the positive thinking movement and wish only to camouflage myself by adopting only the most superficial aspects just to keep him from singling me out as defective. I have about 2 years until I retire, I'm sick to death of my job (although I realize I'm lucky to have one), and I just want to avoid the whole pos thinking subject until I can get the hell out of there. Since I have no idea what goes on in the minds of ppl like him, I'd like to know if anyone else does. I consider myself almost an Aspie in some respects, so I'd like you to tell me what totally superficial things I can do to give the impression I give a shit, when I really don't. I'll tell you what I already do:

1. I already dress nicely--I won't get gigged there.
2. I do occasionally eat lunch with everybody--but not often. It's RWer Central around here, and I'm damn sick of hearing the talking points.
3. I attend most office functions, even tho I'm a loner and would rather be home with my nose in a book.

[burrfoot]

1. If there's anything

you can bring yourself to point out that a co-worker does well, occasionally recognizing to the boss when someone else does a good job may work for you. Since you're 2 years out from retirement, I'm assuming that you don't have to worry about anyone getting promoted over you as a result, so go nuts. You'll be a "team player."

[Nay]

3. Yes--thanks, been doing this already. I forgot to mention it. It's

one of the things I would normally do anyway, but I will remind myself to consciously do it more often.

[arbusto_baboso]

2. I'd post "demotivators" all over my effin' cube.

But then, I just like to poke the bear with a stick. It's one of my many failings.

[Nay]

4. Yeah, I love those demotivational posters!! I love their site. I have

considered putting an "affirmation" up on my wall, but it would be one that may seem normal to him, but which has demotivational undertones to me personally.

[valerief]

7. I was just at despair.com today. Love it. nt

[necso]

5. Fake it;

study those people the boss likes, and copy them. But don't stand out too far from the herd in any direction -- except nonthreatening professional excellence.

Go to all the group stuff including lunches, smile, be inoffensive, and think "In two years I'll never have to do this again."

Get in before the boss and leave after him.

Pretend like the "spraying and scratching" that your boss is doing has a positive effect on you, instead of being some pathetic, misguided attempt to mark territory, show who's in charge, and "motivate" (drive) people.

In moderation, mouth the same meaningless positivism bs at others, or back to the boss -- but only in a way that's completely toothless, so that it can't be taken as criticism.

[Nay]

10. Thanks, necso. Had to laugh--I do get in before anyone else, but

I ain't leavin' after him! They get to take long lunches, go out to the gym, disappear for "meetings," so they stay much later than I would ever care to. But I do stay late when needed.

Yeah, he does the spray and scratch shit!! Honestly, men are less subtle than dogs. Pretty pathetic indeed. Hey, maybe a nice photo in my cube, of dogs sniffing butts or something! Every time I would look at the pic, it would make me laugh!

I have done my best to not stand out, as you suggest--they know I'm a liberal, which is bad enough, but otherwise, I appear very conventional.
Tho I'm not....

[necso]

14. Dogs can be fairly subtle

when they're trying to put something over on you.

I haven't checked your profile (and probably wouldn't remember), but if you're a woman, and in a male dominated office, then a certain amount of distance from the "boys" might be expected -- and might be welcome. Yet, too much distance can be a problem, even if the boys seem to want it.

You have to play it by eye and ear.

[struggle4progress]

6. Be Pollyanna every Friday. The object is to drive your coworkers batty with witless cheerfulness

every Friday afternoon

You can ramp up to it all week: Mondays you're always pleasant but sane; by Wednesday, you have eliminated most negatives from your vocabulary (for example, say "That's an interesting idea!" instead of "What! Are you on drugs?"); and on Fridays, you are a gush of sincere affirmation -- you find something wonderful about everybody and everything: the guy who's slept in his suit for the last week has good color coordination! not noticing that the bathroom hasn't been cleaned for a month, you're thrilled about the new towels! if an officemate says something particularly idiotic, you're always glad to get his/her input!

By close of business Friday, they'll all want to strangle you, of course, but they'll have the weekend to recover, and on Monday you're back to normal: pleasant but sane

[valerief]

8. That sounds like it would be fun to do. Going nutty with cheer. It's fun to act like a

cheery asshole, too!

Maybe watching that neighbor Ned on the Simpsons to pick up his phrases would help. "Okely-dokely!" What an asshole.

:rofl:

[Nay]

11. I do, on occasion, tell myself that this is an acting job, not a career

at some rational place somewhere. That does seem to help sometimes. It at least lets me keep my real self to myself, and not get it mixed up with that witless cheerful person playing the part. And yes, they are all on crack.

[struggle4progress]

12. I had a job for many years where a number of people actually despised me, no matter what I did:

I entertained myself for some years by making sure that my behavior towards the worst offenders was as blameless and cheerful as possible. During one two year period, I pleasantly greeted one particular fellow regularly and never got anything but a snort in return; I tried to be as sincere as possible, never complained to him or anyone else about his rudeness, and could tell myself in good conscience Hey! That's him, not me!

[Nay]

19. Thank you--I do that too, since a couple of coworkers, due to them

being RW fundies, hate my liberal guts. The feeling is mutual, but I do the totally cheerful thing with them, too. Drives them nuts. It is entertaining. One good thing about my workplace is that it has a decent harassment code in place, and no one is afraid to use it. If someone got as rude as you describe, he wouldn't be working here very long.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

9. Smile vacantly all the time.

Occasionally mention that you're good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people *like* you.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

13. On the other hand

you have nothing to lose by acting 'as if'. Two years you can do standing on your head, right? I'm not suggesting you initiate anything, if he talks with you, just parrot back what he wants to hear.....
:)

[havocmom]

15. My daughter had such a boss. The boss has driven the business into the ground

Was #1 in the area when the boss came, now about to close down. But it's not the fact that boss is an idiot, oh no. It's because the staff just doesn't think positively enough, nor pray enough. Things would be fine if the workers would just be more positive and pray more.

Being laid off from there last year was hard on my daughter. In the long run, it was a saving grace. She knows that now.

Good luck. Wish I could offer practical help. Alas, too many 'managers' haven't a clue and think platitudes are leadership.

Too many cookie cutter MBAs churned out of colleges in the 80s in America, IMHO. Most lacked any skills in creative problem solving, and it seems few were taught much beyond the One Minute Manager methods. They were set up to herd the workers into the economic slaughterhouses of outsourcing. If they smelled anything bad, they buried their fear in hope that doing the killer corporations' bidding would bring them some security. Most were horribly deluded. Some still are.

Just be positive and pray... yeah, THAT'S some management technique. x(

[Iggo]

16. If he could get it drunk enough...

...my boss would f**k the word "proactive."

[Nay]

18. Don't you just despise that word?? What kills me is that none of the

higher-ups would know a proactive action if it bit them in the ass. They're crisis managers, putting out fires and thinking about 10 minutes ahead of themselves. Except, of course, the unholy amount of time put into crap like affirmations, shmoozing with the troops about sports, gym time, etc.

[MajorChode]

17. I had one of those once

He was really big on the positive thinking bullshit. He liked to profess his religious views, but he would fuck you in a heartbeat if he thought it would get him ahead. He would also routinely lie in an attempt to keep himself out of trouble and he was a notorious kiss-ass. I can certainly identify with your situation.

Here's a few tips:

1) Do exactly what he tells you to do. Nothing more. Nothing less. Turn your brain off. If he tells you to do something stupid, do it. If he doesn't tell you to do something you know he should be telling you, don't do it. This is the easiest and best way to get your boss in trouble.

2) Play stupid at all time. "Huh?", "I don't think I know.", "It was like that when I got here." are all key phrases you should be using.

3) Drag your feet on everything. Not so much that you'll draw attention to yourself, but enough to reduce efficiency. Don't miss an opportunity to milk anything.

4) Obstruct everything you can. Find reasons why you can't do something. Throw up roadblocks at every opportunity.

Basically just become a textbook passive agressive. That's what we did. Our boss was eventually removed from his position, downgraded, and was delegated to pushing paper for the rest of his days.

[Nay]

20. Yes, I sense that my new boss can easily be a snake as well. All in

the context of "taking charge" and "being a leader," of course.

I have a long-range plan in place which includes agreeing heartily to things that I know will be total disasters, but that will not affect me personally. One such plan is to place recordkeeping responsibilities with people who can barely keep track of their own wallets. There's a recent movement here to push all the responsibilities to the lowest level possible, to "develop" the lower echelons. I got news for them -- they aren't even going to be able to find a paystub when this little project is done. I'm looking forward to next year, when the shit really hits the fan!

One perk of being an old fart is that you can see the waves of "innovation" for what they are -- humans flopping around trying to get prestige for themselves. It doesn't really matter if things are improved, it just matters if things change. That way they can claim some sort of influence and power. The more I know of humans, the more I don't mind that they're going to get it in the neck.

[MajorChode]

21. Yep, some trainwrecks are just fun to sit back and watch

I've pretty much reached old fart status too and I can predict with a high degree of accuracy which new managers will make it and which won't. Generally those who want to come in and change everything for absolutely no good fucking reason are the ones who will soon be swirling the drain when everything turns to shit. It's sad, but fun to watch in a way.

[PassingFair]

22. One of our managers is actually an EX cheerleader, who attempts to dry hump...

everybody in the room. She's got SPIRIT!! Its
goddamn embarrassing.

She puts music on loud to get the meetings
started and then DANCES.

:puke:

She is becoming frustrated, because she can
force her GROUP into false "positivity", by
threats, intimidation and alcohol after hours,
but she looks like an idiot in front of the
force-at-large.

She's in her 40's and really should look into
some other motivational techniques.

:puke:

I'm just glad that I have a different manager...

[old mark]

23. Go WAY overboard with it; You have a short time left till retirement,

don't take it personally, just have fun with it all if you can and be glad you don't have 20 more years of this guy's nonsense.

I retired about 2 1/2 years ago, have already forgotten most people's names where I did work, and when an occasional incident that I found hard to deal with recurs in my memory, I just mutter a sincere "Fuck You!" and keep moving on.

I retired on the first possible day I could have and still get a meager pension. I have never regretted it for a minute.

Your day will come.
Enjoy what you can, don't worry about the rest.

mark

[Nay]

24. Thanks, Mark. I know I will be just like you the moment I retire-- I

won't remember anyone's name, will not go there to shmooze about old times, etc. I have had to watch several recent retirees DIE less than 5 years after retiring, so I'm freaked out that will happen to me too -- yay, I'm retired! then LIGHTS OUT before the ink is dry on my first pension check. I guess that's partially why I'm having trouble day to day. I just don't want to be there anymore.

[Deep13]

25. Adopt as much office-slang as possible without laughing.

And try to use it in describing the most insignificant things possible.

Play office bingo. five rows and columns. across the top are specific people. down the side are things they might say or do.

.............. todd meg steve britney kyle john

proactive

repurpose

partner verb

socialism

110%


mark squares as you hear them.

begin conversations about serial killers you know about.

start a malicious rumor and see how long it takes for someone to tell it to you.

[rcrush]

26. Leave little Jesus coffee stains on the office furniture.

Freak them the fuck out.

[Nay]

27. OMG. That's a funny as hell idea. I'm an artist, so I could probably

pull this off. Oh, shit, I gotta do this. These are the kinds of ideas I need, everyone! Thanks, rcrush!!!!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

28. NO but i have regular corporate bosses who think i shoudl show more spirit

at work

it sucks donkey balls