Dirty limerick thread

[TXlib]

There once was a painter from Gaddar,
who was painting a young lass on a ladder
He said, "My Dear, your position
inspires coition."
So he nipped up the ladder and had her.

[ironflange]

1. There once was a young man of Wales

Who subsided on shit, snot, and snails.
When he couldn't get these
He would live off the cheese
That he scraped from his balls with his nails.

:evilgrin:

Is this dirty or just gross?

[rwenos]

2. Moda Fuga

There once was a man from Iraq
Who played the bass viol with his c*ck.
With massive erections
He rendered selections
From Johann Sebastian Bach.

[bubblesby2002]

6. Dave the Hermit

There once was a hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave
I must admit
He was a bit of a shit
But look at the money he saved

This isn't too offensive is it?

[rwenos]

12. Origin of Species?

You weren't in a West Coast college marching band, were you?

[bubblesby2002]

20. Rofl

No my dad used to say that one and I just remember it. Why is it something you march to? By the way I am still giggling.:7

[rwenos]

22. No, but . . .

Let's just say some crypto-military college marching bands are known for sharing such limericks. You'll note mine had a musical angle. Yours was also a favorite of the group in question.

No, I ain't gonna name the musical group in question.

Perhaps your Dad heard about Dave and his "dead whore in a cave" in the military?

[bubblesby2002]

25. Yeah probably

He was in the Canadian Navy during the war and a little bit after. I wish I could remember all the limericks he used to repeat - and you know what I just did remember another one:

The cabin boy the cabin boy
the dirty little nipper
he filled his a**
with bits of glass
and circumcised the skipper.

That one just came to me. My Dad was a unique guy. He only had daughters so we learned a lot of stuff other girls didn't.

[SarahB]

3. locking

There once was a young woman of Cheadle
Who once gave the clap to a beadle
Said she, "does it itch?"
"It does you damned b__ch,
And burns like Hell when I peedle."

(plagarized from The Pearl)

[eridani]

4. There was a young fellow from Rheims

There was a young fellow from Rheims
Who tried to fart God Save the Queen
When he reached the soprano
He shot his guano
And his breeches weren't fit to be seen.

[bearfan454]

5. Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun,

Jill forgot to take the pill and now they have a son. An oldie from the 60's.

[bearfan454]

7. In days of old, when Knights were bold, and rubbers weren't invented,

They tied a sock around their c*ck, and babies were prevented.

[waywest]

8. There was a young farmer named Pitts,

who planted an acre of tits.
They grew up quite tall, red nipples and all,
and he furiously chewed them to bits.

[bearfan454]

10. Good one. I never heard that one.

.

[eridani]

9. Remember the Lewinsky-Kaczynski contest?

The two winners that I remember (you had to use Lewinsky and Kaczynski in the same limerick)

There was a young woman Lewinsky
Who played on the flute like Stravinsky
'Twas Hail to the Chief
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.

Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynski should surely have known
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter
Given the choice of how to get blown.

[Rowdyboy]

11. There was a young lad from Cape Cod

who dreampt he was buggered by God
But it wasn't Jehovah
Who turned the boy over
Twas Roger, the lodger,
the dirty old codger
The bugger, the bastard, the sod!

[mykpart]

13. There was a young woman from Thrace

Whose corsets grew too tight to lace.
Her mother said, "Nelly,
There's more in your belly
Than ever went in thru your face!"

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To smoke a funny leaf.
Jack got high and opened his fly
And Jill cried, "Where's the beef?"

[mykpart]

14. Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard

To get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over,
Old Rover, he drove her.
That dog had a bone of his own!

[bearfan454]

15. Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,

the whole fucking family was drunk as a louse, grandma and grandpa were singing a song, and our little brother was a winging his wong. All of a sudden there was such a clatter that I jumped to my feet to see what the hell was the matter. I looked on the roof and I saw old Saint Nick, and before I knew it he was scratching his dick. He dropped off the toys and said Merry Christmas to all as he flew off scratching one of his balls. Another oldie.

[SmileyBoy]

32. OMG!!! These are GREAT!!!

Tell me more, bearfan!!!

[bearfan454]

16. Farmer Brown went to town with a stack of hay.

Farmer Martin came a fartin and blew it all away.

[Dogmudgeon]

17. A little Latin in the night

A stableman's daughter named Prentiss
Was morally non compos mentis
She often had Dad
And while he isn't bad
She likes horses in loco parentis

--bkl

[DS1]

18. There once was a pervert named swan

He spread his wings, said he was the one
After landing in a ditch
he said, this ain't my bitch
You might as well call me Diaz, Juan

[Dogmudgeon]

19. The Young Man from Kent

There once was a young man from Kent
Whose prick in the middle was bent
To save himself trouble
He put it in, double,
And instead of coming, he went

--bkl

[bubblesby2002]

21. I can't stop laughing

This is the best thread!!!!!!!!!:headbang:

[bearfan454]

23. Over the hill came Pistol Pete, with 20 pounds of hanging meat.

Who should he meet but Sally Brown who said no man could lay her down. First he threw her in the grass and then he stuck his dick right up her ass, Then she blew a huge huge fart and blew his balls 20 mile apart. Over the hill comes Pistol Pete with 20 pounds of shredded wheat. Another oldie

[SmileyBoy]

31. LOL!!!

I gotta tell that one to my brother!!!

[bearfan454]

24. There's a soldier in the grass

with a bullet in his ass, pull it out, pull it out, pull it out.

[TXlib]

26. There once was a young man from Venus

whose ass was entirely seamless.
He said, "I may blow apart,
as I'm unable to fart,
but at least I'm equipped with a penis!"

[TXlib]

27. There once was a man from Burnasse

whose balls were made out of brass.
He'd proclaim stormy weather
when his balls knocked together,
'Cause lightning would shoot out of his ass!

[mykpart]

28. Classic dirty limerick: Warning - really bad!

There was a young man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
He said with a grin as he wiped off his chin,
"If my mouth was a c**t, I could f**k it!"

[Dogmudgeon]

29. For Michael Powell

A dreadful mistake on the tube
Exposed Janet's unabashed boob
A government censor
Held his outrage against her
But he didn't use quite enough lube

--bkl

[SmileyBoy]

30. There once was a man from Sydney...

Who could get it up to her kidney.
But a man from Quebec
Could get it up to her neck.
He had a big one, didn't he???

[BrotherBuzz]

33. There once was a fellow from Marble Head, Mass

who has testicles made out of brass.
When clanged them together,
he could play 'Stormy weather",
while lightning shot out his ass.

[Moderator]

34. Locking

This thread has become much too graphic and explicit and also can clearly be categorized as a sex thread.

DU Moderator