Anyone else experience slight depression related to caring for aging parents?

[applegrove]

I guess I felt sad for the last month because my roles with my parents are reversed and that is a big change. They also are suffering loss after loss as they become less independent/more sick. I go into help them every day and think I'm having a good day and by the time I leave I don't feel like I've accomplished much. Today my mom said something which made me feel she was depressed too but she took it back when I asked. I guess I just need to dream up new things to keep them entertained because I'm not much of a talker. Please tell me I can get over this funk and will hit a renewed relationship with them. I just want them to be happy.

[Captain Hilts]

1. Yep. It's normal. Depression is contagious. Be careful. nt

[begin_within]

2. Yes that's a problem for me and my Mom

I take care of my Mom 24/7 and she's 91 years old. I do have help though 6 hours a day 5 days a week. But it's still almost constant. It's very difficult and can be extremely taxing on the caregiver. I think it's cut 30 years off my lifespan, seriously. I'm not expecting to live past 60 because of it. The best thing is to get them out and into the world as much as possible. I took my Mom to Disneyland on Sept. 24th for her 91st birthday, and I've taken her to Yosemite twice in the last 2 years and Yellowstone once. Plus I take her to church at least once a week, out to lunch frequently, to the ocean at La Jolla about once a week, and for a walk around the block daily. The more they get out and are engaged in the world, the less depression will be likely to take hold.

[applegrove]

4. That is a good idea to get them out more. They are mobility challenged but we have a wheelchair.

[dalaigh lllama]

3. I really feel for you

It's never easy when parents start losing their independence and you do what you can to help them out. It can be depressing for all concerned. My invalid mother came to live with us for a year before she passed away, and some of the best times we had was her telling me stories of the "olden" days. There were plenty of stress-filled times, too -- towards the end she was very ready to go, and it actually made me feel angry that she was dying. It was a tough time, but I'm still glad we did it.

Things that helped -- sometimes just sharing some of your memories of what made them so special to you growing up can help lift their spirits and yours, too.

[Brigid]

5. It's hard to see a loved one's life change in this way.

I work in a nursing home, and I often wonder what the residents were like back in a better day for them. One I knew while I was doing my CNA clinicals a few weeks ago was once a nuclear physicist. Others were doctors or lawyers. Now some can't even tell you their names. Some have had strokes, some are severely diabetic, others have Alzheimer's or other forms of dementia. One woman I knew while doing my clinicals has an absolutely beautiful wedding picture but can no longer tell you her husband's name. Sometimes I think that the reason some of them don't have that many visits from family members is that it's just too painful. I just tell myself to care for them as respectfully and as thoroughly as possible given the staffing issues where I work. Just remember that you are doing the best that you can.

[applegrove]

7. I'm lucky I guess that my parents are still mostly all there. You are right - it could be worse.

[triguy46]

6. Absolutely. My mom died a year ago next Sunday.

It was a very very very tough last 2 years. I had to make all the decisions, and in 12 months went through 3 nursing facilities, each a higher level of care. Had to sell her house, went to see her every day. At the same time my son broke his neck, my job collapsed. It did not surprise my physician when I presented myself and said, "I think I'm depressed." The day before I had driven the 10 miles home at prob 45 mph on the interstate, walked in sat down and was basically unable to move.

[applegrove]

8. I'm nowhere near as stressed out as you were in your last 2 years. I'm lucky

that my parents are young and still healthy enough to enjoy most of what life offers. They are a while from living in a home I hope.