Anybody else highly allergic to both cats and dogs--and have their asthma triggered by allergies?

[eyepaddle]

Yes, I've had to give a "it's me or the pets" speech, and no I wasn't happy about it. But then if somebody I was with couldn't understand my health situation, well, then they really weren't for me.

"Me or the pets" isn't always given just because somebody doesn't like cats, and I have to admit to feeling a bit hurt to only ever see that interpretation here on DU. Hell, I love Golden Retrievers, but they rock my asthma so hard I can't even visit friends or relatives who have one. And on the occasions when I unknowingly visit a house where a Golden lives I can taste them in the air, it's brutal I assure you.

[stray cat]

1. My mom ends up in the ER if she is even in a hallway a pet has been in

she for some reason likes to be able to breath. I would probably choose my moms life if it came down to it. However, I'm lucky - when I visit i just have to make sure my clothes and person are cat hair-free.

[eyepaddle]

3. Yeah, I totally groove on being able to breathe too.

It sounds like your mom has worse than I do by a fair bit--I haven't had to go to the ER for years--but memories like that don't fade very quickly.

[Blue_Tires]

2. i am...

but if i'm around the dog/cat long enough, i can at least build up some tolerance...

[eyepaddle]

5. I think for me "tolerance" just equals "getting used to it..

I did actually man up and run out the clock with an elderly and unadoptable dog, but that is not something I could have resigned myself to dealing with for years, I was wheezy, raspy, dependent on too goddamned much medication, and frequently out of breath.

In retrospect, we likely should have just pushed the wedding back...

[La Lioness Priyanka]

4. i would not get involved with someone who had this problem, for this very reason.

eventually you have to pick human vs pet.

[eyepaddle]

7. As always, life finds a way to force you to make the unmakeable decisions

I'd always said I'd never date anybody with pets, or somebody who was a cigarette smoker. Well, I got a non-smoker, but the pet thing...well, you just never know who will be perfect for you in every other way.

Life knows how to pitch inside, that's for sure!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

9. my pet is a priority and i think a persons health is thier priority

so, it would make sense, that if our priorities clash, its best not to get too involved

[eyepaddle]

11. What if some one you loved developed allergies?

It can happen. I think it is more common to develop allergies to foods in mid life, but I think pet dander is a possibility.

Please understand that I am not picking a fight with you, or even playing devil's advocate, I've just noticed that life has a way of threading a needle and make otherwise rigid guidelines suddenly obsolete.

My eyes were wet with tears, and my voice thick when I said I could never live with cats and dog, my (now) wife became moody and withdrawn and had to think about it for days before she could really decide. I knew what I was asking her, and she knew what she was (in effect) asking me. There was nothing arbitrary about it.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

12. i have a friend who takes weekly shots to deal w, this issue.

if lisa suddenly developed allergies to kitty, she would have to go through every possibly measure before i gave up kitty. frankly, if i became allergic to the dog, i would also go through every possibly measure, before making lisa decide on this.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

10. my pet is a priority and i think a persons health is thier priority

so, it would make sense, that if our priorities clash, its best not to get too involved

[charlie and algernon]

6. Wouldn't that come up before you became close enough

that you were hanging around their animals for extended periods? My mom is allergic to pet dander, so I've only had a cat for 11 months now, after I've moved out. So I've never been in a "it's me or the pets" conversation. Since my mom was allergic and had to get regular shots, i can certianly understand where you're coming from. But wouldn't that come up well before you got close enough to someone that you'd be hanging out with their pets. I would think it would come up in the 1st or 2nd date.

"I have a cat and a dog at home."
"Oh, well I'm very allergic to them."

At that point you stop dating them or an arrangement is reached where the person with pets always goes to the other person's house or whatnot.

[eyepaddle]

8. See my reply to La Lioness,

But in nutshell, you just never really know who you will fall in love with. The first time I visited her house and saw the cats and the dog, I almost called it off. But I could tell even then that I would never meet anybody so accepting of me, so compatible, and yes, so concerned with my well being. So what were we to do?

Sometimes you just have to make hard choices--and the answer isn't always the one you figured it would be all along.

[pitohui]

15. i think you're saying your mom can never, ever come to your place

you say: an arrangement is reached where the person with pets always goes to the other person's house or whatnot.

if you think abt it for a few minutes, you might be able to figure out why that wouldn't work for most people

your mom is not important enough for you to want her to visit you EVER, even in an emergency, even if you were sick, even if you were in bad trouble

you don't want your mom there, you want a guaranteed barrier to keep her from entering yr door

look a lot of people have pretty awful relationships w. their moms, god knows i do, but come on...that's taking it pretty far and you have to figure that it wouldn't work for most people

you have made your decision, and your mom hears you loud and clear, a pet is more important than she is and she knows it, i suppose you both know it really even if you won't acknowledge it right out loud, your actions do the speaking for you

just as i have to accept that for my mom, a cat is more important than her own children

sometimes in life you really do have to make hard choices, believe it or not, in your case you not only made a hard choice (mom cannot enter my home) but you're sort of denying the awful feelings she must have that you've taken steps to be sure she can't safely enter your home -- you are hurting your mom's feelings and, while it's allowed, i don't think it's what the majority of people are shooting for in their relationship with mom

[charlie and algernon]

17. um, no, you have that so wrong

The cat spent both Thanksgiving and Christmas in my parents' place and she's come to my apartment. And who the FUCK are you to say I don't want my mom to visit? FUCK YOU.

Perhaps you missed the part where I said she gets shots, so she can deal with cats and animals. HOW DARE YOU talk about what my relationship is with my mom. FUCK YOU.

[pitohui]

13. same issue here (the problem is cats)

i didn't give the "me or cats" speech altho i should have, because the person involved was my mom

the result of severe allergy/asthma will be lifelong for me and my brother

she simply refused to believe that people can be allergic to cats, i pretty much had no choice but to run away from home at the earliest possible legal age

shots don't do anything except create a steady income stream for the allergist -- you do not become tolerant to your allergen, the longer you're exposed to your allergen, the more likely you'll have serious affects (per MY allergist who wasn't a money grubber like too many others)

[eyepaddle]

14. I am sorry for your troubles.

My mother was allergc as well as my brother and I, so we never had pets (aside from fish) growing up.

I will say this: haven't treatments gotten so much better in the last seven or eight years? I have to spray stuff up my nose every single day, and hit the long lasting inhaler every single night--but at least now I can live a semblance of a normal life.

I hope that they help you too.

[pitohui]

16. yes the medicines are better

but at the end of the day what makes the most difference from me is not being exposed to my allergen

sometimes it's unavoidable (person has a cat carrier on the airplane, for a recent example) but the longer i go between exposures the better i feel, the less often i get respiratory infections from being already sneezy all the time, and the less often i'm symptomatic

my medications help the most when i'm not exposed, they do the least when i've both been exposed and then gotten sick on top of it

my mom expected us to do without treatment because she believed in mind over matter, my brother's wife simply expects him to take a bunch of medicines, but at the end of the day, what helps most is not being exposed

my allergies were originally BY FAR the more severe, at this point his asthma is by far the more severe because he is still around the cats

people who say "oh just get shots" are idiots, i know people who got shots for years before seeing any result and more often NOT seeing any result

[sasquatch]

18. I like cats but they flame up my asthma something fierce.