I want to have a discussion off this Pittsburgh tragedy (both gay and straight input requested)

[GodlyDemocrat]

I don't want to discuss the actual tragedy itself, and this is why I'm posting this in the lounge, but I do want to discuss the obvious underpinnings and how it may relate to us.

Of course, I don't believe anyone here would resort to violence because we are lonely, but have any of you ever felt maybe depressed from a lack of a vibrant relationship (gay or straight, and I would like to hear a gay perspective on this.)? I'll admit on an online forum, I've felt socially anxious and at times lonely. I didn't feel angry at girls (though perhaps I did resent the male competition), but I no doubt did feel depressed.

I don't feel socially anxious now. I've come to grips psychologically with maybe some past childhood baggage and psychiatrically with some drugs that help social anxiety. I've also turned away from organized Christian religion that preached no physical contact until you get married, no use of birth control while you are married, and every date you go on should lead to marriage. That much seriousness led to a lot of anxiety in even wanting to pursue a relationship.

I want to hear your story, both male and female. Have you struggled, even if no one may have known about it, with developing relationships with your desired class? I know a lot of my friends think I'm great with girls, even though I know no date will ever lead to a real relationship with me currently (a lot of lunch dates, let's just put it that way).

Let's just have an open discussion, with one rule - no judgment. Perhaps, the opposite sex, for straight people, and the equivalent for gay people can give some advice as well.

[abq e streeter]

1. I have felt socially inept, isolated, and bitter about it, too often to even want to think about it

I've thought of doing harm to myself, including ending my life, many many times too, from the lack of physical and emotional contact...But never in a million years would I consider for as much a nanosecond, of harming anyone else, even though I've had times of being very bitter at seeing macho assholes "getting all the girls".And yes, also bitter at the women and girls who've obviously preferred the macho assholes. I've felt such intense social anxiety that I've started hyperventilating at a party, or other social situations, and had to leave as soon as possible, and sometimes would take an hour or more to be able to stop and have even had chest pains from it on a few occasions. Worse, I'm a performer and obviously sometimes I can't leave when the discomfort is overwhelming. I had a band fire me once , reluctantly, because I was getting so weird onstage from watching everyone in the club or bar having the ability to be normal and mingle and have a good time while I was up there utterly miserable and couldn't hide it anymore. They had, and to this day have, absolutely no idea why I was acting that way, and usually I can hide it, and most people who've seen me perform would never guess I suffer from this, as most of the time I'm a pretty dynamic performer. And I've had a lot of short -term girlfriends (and the occasional one night stand when I was younger). To this day I'm not sure how I managed to have had that happen, as my self-image is that of a complete loser. I sincerely hope your case is not anywhere near as extreme as mine.

[Tobin S.]

2. I've felt that way in past as well, e streeter

I'm still no social butterfly, but with treatment I've become much more at ease with myself. For me the social anxiety was a symptom of a much deeper problem. Once that issue was addressed, everything in life started to get much easier for me. And, like you, although I've been sucidal in the past, I would never have hurt anyone. The jealousy, burning like a festering sore and I think the root of bitterness, was the harderst thing for me to overcome. That may be the thing that drives people to hurt others as far as social situations go.

[abq e streeter]

3. Thanks-I feel weird having been that personal in my post last night...

but glad to see you're doing better. I 've just resumed seeing a counselor too, and feel more hopeful already. I'm a lot older than you, and should have worked these issue out long ago, but every time I thought I did, they came roaring back when I least expected them to. And its weird too about being an actually dynamic performer ( if I do say so myself, and I do). I bet there are countless times guys have seen me onstage and thought to themselves I wish I could be as cool as that guy, I bet he gets all sorts of women, never even imagining how insecure I felt... BTW I already posted on your thread about your amazing weight loss and am so proud of you that I want to say great job! a second time. I'd always been pretty skinny but later in life let myself become a little overweight; lost 15 of the 20 I needed to in the past year, and put it all back on in the last 3 or 4 months. But you've inspired me and I'm getting my ass to the gym today ( and tomorrow and ..)

[Tobin S.]

4. Thank you

I appreciate the kind words about my weight loss. I've battled with my weight for most of my life, but I feel like I've really got a handle on it now. I'm 36 btw. I've got a terrible baby face. :)

You are right about people admiring on-stage performers. I would have never looked at a guy up on stage competently doing his deal and think that he really felt incredibly uncomfortable. And I've thought that it would be very good to be in those shoes. Yeah, women and good times, but you also have the gift to create music. I always thought that if I could play an instrument well then everything would be alright in life. It turns out that I've got no rhythm and I'm tone deaf. Ah, well. I'll just live vicariously through you guys. :D