When I worked in retail I think I met lots of these people.
http://notalwaysright.com/Just a few of the good ones...
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That’s A Lot Of Tubes
Pawn Shop | Los Angeles, CA
(A customer enters our pawn shop, and I motion her over to my counter.)
Me: “What can I do for you today?”
Customer: “Yeah, I wanna pawn my internet.”
Me: “Do you mean your computer? If it’s complete and relatively new we’ll take it. You just have to bring it in so we can test it out first.”
Customer: *getting angry* “No, man, my internet!”
Me: “Umm…do you mean your modem? Because we don’t take modems or routers by themselves.”
Customer: “No man, I wanna pawn my internet! My INTERNET!”
Me: “Like…your AOL account or something? We can’t do that either.”
Customer: “No! I wanna pawn my internet, man! THE INTERNET!”
Me: “Ma’am, if you can actually bring me the internet, I’ll give you $100 out of my own wallet and you can keep it.”
Customer: *happy again* “Okay, I’ll be right back!”
(She never came back.)
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One Good Turn Perturbs Another
Restaurant | Naperville, IL, USA
(A customer comes into our restaurant and angrily slams his pizza box on the front counter.)
Me: “Hello, sir…how can I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, I ordered half pepperoni and half sausage!”
Me: *opens the box* “It looks fine to me, sir. What’s wrong with it?”
Customer: “I wanted my pepperoni on the LEFT side!”
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A Runaway Train Of Thought
Call Center | Eugene, OR, USA
(A caller phones into our car rental company looking for a vehicle, but we’re sold out in every nearby location.)
Caller: “Why aren’t there any cars for me? Everyone I ask tells me they’re out of cars!”
Me: “We’ve been having a hard time keeping a hold on any cars with this tourist season.”
Caller: “Terrorism?”
Me: “No, ma’am, the tourist season. It’s been a really big push into your area lately, so Florida’s swamped.”
Caller: “Everyone’s been blaming the terrorists today. Why are we all letting the terrorists win?” *begins sobbing*
Me: “Ma’am, it’s tourists, not terrorists.”
Caller: “I’m an American! In America! Why are we letting them ruin my life? We can’t let these terrorists win!” *continues sobbing for a moment and then hangs up*
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Security Insecurity
Cellphone Store | Albany, NY, USA
Customer: “I want to pay my cell phone bill.”
Me: “Sure. May I have your wireless number?”
Customer: “Oh, I don’t give that out.”
Me: “Well, I’m sorry, sir, I need your wireless number in order to pull up your account.”
Customer: “No! I don’t give anyone my number. That’s personal and private. Let me give you my social…”
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The Law Of The South Paw
Supermarket | Denmark
(I was scanning in the next customer’s items when this occurred.)
Customer: “You’re doing it wrong.”
Me: “Sorry?”
Customer: “You’re scanning my things in wrong.”
Me: “No, it’s done correctly. Every time the item is scanned it says beep.”
Customer: “But you’re left-handed.”
Me: “Yes, I am. Is there a problem?”
Customer: “I’m right-handed. I don’t want my things scanned in by a lefty! Undo it.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t un-scan all your items, and re-scan them with my right hand.”
Customer: “God, are you a cripple or something?”
Me: “No, but there are other customers waiting.”
Customer: “FINE! I’ll pay with a check.”
(She gets out her checkbook, and starts writing with her left hand. Another customer in line speaks up.)
Customer #2: “Didn’t she say she was right-handed?”
(The woman looks up, and then at her left hand.)
Customer: “Are you stupid? This is right!”
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The Hole In His Logic
Grocery Store | London, UK
Customer: “I’m looking for your nuts.”
Me: “Those are on aisle four sir.”
Customer: “I’ve already looked and I can’t find them. I’m looking for my favorites.”
Me: “All the types of nut we have in stock are in aisle four, if you can’t find them then we don’t stock them. Do you want me to have a look for you?”
Customer: “No no, I’ll go look again.”
(Five minutes later, he returns.)
Customer: “I still can’t find my favorite nuts!”
Me: “Then I am afraid we must not stock them.”
Customer: “But my wife gets them for me from here every week!”
Me: “What type of nuts does she buy you?”
Customer: “Donuts…”
Have Customer, Will Poke
Museum | Massachusetts, USA
(At the museum where I work, I see a patron knocking on one of our replicas with his knuckles.)
Patron, to wife: “Hey look, honey. This here is a replica!” *knocks again*
Me: “Sir, please don’t touch that.”
Patron: “But it’s a replica, isn’t it?”
Me: “Yes, it is, but we still ask that you don’t touch it.”
Patron: “Well, it’s not under a glass case, which means that it is not valuable. I have every right to touch it.”
Me: “No, actually–”
Patron: “Yes! If I see something that’s not cased, it means I can touch it, AND I WILL TOUCH IT!”
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