I need help with an abusive relationship

[Juche]

Not for me, for my brother. He has been dating a woman for about 14 months who all of us noticed (he noticed it too) had some things that were 'off' about her and we couldn't figure out what or why it bothered us so much. It finally clicked that her personality fits almost to a T the personality of an abuser. My brother kept alot of things from us but we do know that she is isolating him from family and friends, constantly criticizes him, she has been physically violent with him (he didn't tell us this until yesterday), she is controlling, manipulative, insecure, dependent, blames others for her problems, pressured him to get engaged before he was ready, etc. Basically I printed out this list of behaviors and showed them to him, and she has over half of them. We all got together and talked to my brother (me, my mom, my other brother and his wife) about it (no easy feat as she wouldn't let him go anywhere by himself w/o her being there) and he realizes the abuse is abuse now, and he is ending the relationship which is good because he needs to get out before it gets even worse.

http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Abuser/signs.htm

Anyway, he went online and cancelled the engagement party back in California. However he drove from Cali to Indiana with his fiancee, and now they are driving back together. And I'm pretty sure on some level she knows something is wrong with the relationship.

I have a major concern that I don't know how to address or where to address it. I'm worried what shes going to do to him on the drive home or after the relationship is over. How do people get out of these situations? I'm a little worried he'll go back to her, but I honestly don't think that is a big risk. My biggest fear is she may try to hurt him physically either on the drive home or when they are back in California.

Do I contact the police in his home town? I'm really worried.

I worry this thread will be locked, but if anyone can give good advice before that I"m all ears.

[SacredCow]

1. Tough one....

There's really not much action that you can expect from the police at this point, if there haven't been any reports of actual violence between the two of them. But perhaps a call to get it on the record might be warranted. That way, if violence DOES erupt again, they have already got a report of it.

Best thing I can say is to keep him on your speed dial and keep in clost touch with him during the drive back.

Hope it works out well for him. I was in a quasi-abusive relationship before, and it's a hard cycle to break.

[prolesunited]

2. Why doesn't the family spring

for a bus or plane ticket back home? Given the situation, he shouldn't be driving back with her.

[alphafemale]

3. That's what I was thinking. That would be an awkward, awful drive even after a mutual breakup

Let alone with all the turmoil this relationship has.

[Juche]

5. Its not the awkwardness I mind

I'm bothered that she is very psycho and I'm worried she may intentionally crash the car or something like that. The sad part is we didn't realize that was a risk until they were gone. If we had thought it through and thought about that last night there is no way we would've let him go with her. It wasn't until today and they were gone that I thought about her doing something like that.

[Juche]

4. We tried, he wouldn't go along with it

And he doesn't have a cell phone so we can't contact him. Plus he left this morning.

[Kali]

6. eeep

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