Adults say the darndest things, too. What's your favorite maloprop?

[bif]

Mine is "Raped over the coals." Wow! That would sure hurt.

[TlalocW]

1. Don't know if this qualifies but...

In college, one of my friends was walking back from class to the dorms with someone who lived on her floor. It had snowed recently, and everything, including the streets were covered with at least 12 inches except for the manhole covers which had large amounts of steam coming out of the ventilation holes in them. My friend's dorm mate asked, "Why did the physical plant go around and just shovel the snow off the manhole covers?"

She was an elementary ed major too. I hope she's not teaching somewhere.

TlalocW

[radwriter0555]

8. Had a neighbor ask me if using more soap on her dishes would make them

cleaner.

[nini]

2. I thought that was "raked" over the coals.

either way.. owiee

[bif]

4. That's was a maloprop is.

When someone mangles the language.

[nini]

12. oh.... :-)

guess I should wake up before I post ..

[radwriter0555]

3. oh please, hands down, that "MUTE" POINT.

arrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

[radwriter0555]

5. Although, I HAVE to say, in online chat, how often morans from the dark

side attempt to make points using MOVIES.

Seriously, one fella watched LEGALLY BLONDE too many times and repated some latin phrase OVER AND OVER again during a quasi-debate.. until I busted him on snagging the phrase and intent from the movie.

I never saw him online again.

[TlalocW]

9. One of the HR people

At an old job was one of the fire stewards for the floor. I guess they're to make sure everyone gets out okay. Anyway, she was leading a meeting about fire safety and said something about how if you're trapped somewhere, get on your cell phone, and the phone company will be able to pinpoint exactly where you are and inform the police and firemen. When told that they really couldn't do that, she said something ala, "But they do it in the movies!"

After I left, everyone on my floor died in a horrible fire. Just kidding.

TlalocW

[zenlikelefty]

11. morans...........

is often substituted for/by "morons"!

[radwriter0555]

25. You know, I find myself ALWAYS using "morans" now....

it's just a habit.. grown from that oh-so-famous sign...

[burythehatchet]

19. thank you

[Bunny]

21. Oh that kills me too!!

I hate that! I have two people who say it a lot, and I have to bite my tongue to keep from correcting them! MUTE POINT??? I hate that!!!!!!!!!!!

[Arbustosux]

6. The Fiesta Resistance

heard that first on Cops and numerous other places since. It still makes me wince!

[Az]

7. My mother is a rich source of these

My mom is not dumb, just scattered at times. Some favorites follow.

Mom: Hand me that thing.
Me: What thing?
Mom: That thing next to the other thing.

If I die in this hospital I'm gonna sue them.

Hand me the closet.

Me answering phone: Hello?
Mom: Are you guys home right now?

[zenlikelefty]

10. This too!

"Nip it in the butt".

[Westegg]

22. NYC school teacher I know says that!

[NJCher]

13. sign I saw on a deli

"Cold slaw."

So glad your slaw is cold; I hate warm slaw.


Cher

[XNASA]

14. "Nobody goes there any more. It's too crowded."

"Ninety per cent of the game is half mental."

"If people don't want to come to the ball park, how are you gonna stop them?"

"We made too many wrong mistakes."

"You observe a lot by watching."

"It gets late early out there."

"Anybody who can't hear the difference between a ball hitting wood & a ball hitting concrete must be blind."

"Now you're an old Italian scallion."

All of these were uttered by the King of the Malaprop, Yogi Berra.

[VelmaD]

16. Yogi is THE MAN

I always liked "If you don't go to their funeral, they won't come to yours."

And of course the one that proved he is the Great Western Zen Master - "You can't think and hit a baseball at the same time."

[pagerbear]

26. Isn't there a book out

...of compiled Yogi-isms set as poems?

[bif]

28. A bunch of Yogi books out.

I bought one for my Dad called: "I didn't say everything I said."

[Mrs. Venation]

15. Heard On NPR News Report

West Vile Nirus instead of West Nile Virus

[Red State Rebel]

17. My sister's doozy....(the closest you'll get to a sex thread)

My sister is a gardner like me and went to the local Nursery looking for a Clivia. When she was approached by a clerk, she promptly asked her if they had a Clitoris. The clerk looked at her funny asked her "do you mean a Clivia"? My sister said she was so mortified she just left. What ticked her off is it was her favorite local plant nursery and she was too embarrassed to ever go back there.

[NJCher]

18. OMG!

That is one of the funniest things I've ever read!

Hey, maybe "clitoris" should be "clivia" and vice versa.


Cher

[NoPasaran]

23. That reminds me of the time

Shortly after we began producing commercial spots on Betacam tape one of the ad sales lizards asked me if I could make her a dub if she brought me the Master Beta.

[grannylib]

20. Mangled language heard recently: 'supposubly' (I hear that one a lot

from people who seem to be mixing 'probably' and 'supposedly')
Heard on CMT: Clint Black's career 'grinded' to a halt...
Now I know that the past tense of 'mind' is 'minded,' the past tense of 'blind' is 'blinded,' so when the past tense of 'find' is 'found' and the past tense of 'bind' is 'bound' and so forth, I realize it's confusing, but really, people...

[Jokerman]

24. Six of one, two dozen of the other.

My sister got me started on that one. I like to use this and see if anyone catches the mistake.

[burythehatchet]

27. I don't know yet...but I'll keep you "appraised"

what am I worth now?


how bout now?


now?


wha about now?

[GoddessOfGuinness]

29. I once ordered Stuffed Bass in a restaurant

as if it was a musical instrument filled with crabmeat.

[Insider]

30. "i could care less"

could you now?

and a minor one that makes me smile:
lady on the bus: "growing up, she had a bad childlife"

[Insider]

41. trouble at school

and it was quickly "panamanium" ROFL

[Piltdown13]

31. My mom's old boss created quite a few...

Wish I could find the list she compiled over the years. Some of the best I can remember:

"Hindsight is 50/50."

"We're having a large contingency of Japanese visitors come through here tomorrow."

[bif]

32. My old boss had a million of them

A couple come to mind

"It was so beautiful it brought tears to my heart."

"She was standing in front of the mirror pruning herself." Ouch!

[Dogmudgeon]

33. "Floundering"

It's foundering, fer cryin' out loud!

--bkl

[grannylib]

38. thank you thank you thank you for pointing out one of my pet peeves....

[Dogmudgeon]

34. Damp vs Dampen

To Damp is to reduce the intensity of something, as in "Aethylfric damped the campfire."

To Dampen is to moisten, as in "Aethylfric dampened the campfire girl."

--bkl

[PAMod]

35. Without a doubt: irregardless

A friend of mine said 'supposably' today.

[CO Liberal]

36. My Late Mother Used to Ask Bizarre Questions

Like the one time when we were on vacation and out of the blue, she asked "What was the name of the water boy in 'Gunga Dhin'?"

My sisters and I looked at each other, and finally, my older sister said "I don't know, Mom - what was the name of the whale in 'Moby Dick'?"

After that, whenever my mother asked a bizarre question we'd say "Hey, Mom - what was the name of the water boy in 'Gunga Dhin'?"

And Mom would reply, "Moby Dick!!!"

:-)

I miss her so much.....

[grannylib]

39. I am glad you have some memories of her that obviously make

you smile...
blessings to you and may those memories of your mom always bring you comfort

[CO Liberal]

40. Thanks. Grannylib

My mother was a hell of a woman, and the reason I've been a life-long Democrat, just like her.

[WillParkinson]

37. My friend brought me some Evian water at a show we were doing...

Paul went to the bathroom and when he came back he looked and said, "Where did you get the Evelyn water"?

He cracks me up. He says things like that all the time. And no, he's not kidding.