Why did you have (or not have) children?

[Bonn1997]

This is a topic I think about a lot and am curious what people's answers are.

[vadawg]

1. biological imperative i think the phrase is

plus they are the best thing on the planet.

[Bonn1997]

2. From what I've observed, they can be the best thing on the planet or the worst thing on the planet

or anywhere in between. Was the biological imperative really on your mind when you decided to have kids (if you did)?

[vadawg]

7. i guess it was, culturally i come from large families, and i mean really large

i never really thought i would never have kids, plus i guess there is the need to continue the family line etc, lots of reasons, but they definetely are the best thing in the world.

[Deja Q]

3. A handful of traumas in the ambient environment wrecked me as a child...

On the plus side, I am smart enough to know I lack the emotional stamina. If you knew, you'd agree with me.

I donate to causes for families to make up for it. And I will speak up my mind on perceived wrongdoings, based on previous life experience.

[Mojambo]

4. Could never get a second date. n/t

[Brigid]

28. DUzy! DUzy!

:rofl:

[kwassa]

44. Some procreate on the first date!

those fast, loose type of people.

[graywarrior]

5. I was at my grandma's funeral when I was 8 and had a good look at the gene pool.

Decided right then and there...any kid I brought into this world would be fucked beyond clusterfuck. As a result of that enlightenment, I never had any.

[madinmaryland]

8. You were too busy torturing the DUCK and then you stole my turtle!

:rofl:

[graywarrior]

20. LOL

That turtle is so fucked since you painted it purple.

[elleng]

68. Sorry I didn't have that opportunity.

My family's pretty good, but 'stranged husband adopted, so never saw his. Not good.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

6. My dear Bonn1997!

I always wanted to have kids...

I thought it was the most interesting thing I could do, biologically...

My husband agreed, and we did...

It was fun, and educational!

:hi:

[Kali]

40. fun and educational

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: You crack me up, Peggy!

[Callalily]

9. A very important question.

I always wanted to have children, and indeed have a marvelous daughter. Because my spouse at the time was not a good father, I opted to have no more children. Good decision, but I think my daughter would have made a marvelous sister.

*sigh* We can't always get what we want, and I think we should make respnsiblie decisions based on circumstance rather than "wishful thinking".

Good luck with your decision.

[AwakeAtLast]

69. You could be me

Same circumstances all the way, with a stint in Iraq thrown in (husband). :hug:

[Broken_Hero]

10. Wife cannot bear children,

we are in the process of adoption though, :)

[Dappleganger]

38. Good for you!

My husband's youngest brother and his wife have adopted three children (they couldn't have any either), and love their little family. Those kids are a such a blessing to all of us and we love them to death!

[bigwillq]

11. I don't want any kids.

I'm too selfish to have kids, and I really don't want any at this time.

[NV Whino]

12. Never wanted any

I knew I had no patience to raise a child.

[Gormy Cuss]

13. I forgot.

The serious answer is there was never the right confluence of time, income, and partners.

[Critters2]

17. Ditto, and...

by the time I thought things had fallen into place, I had been ravaged by asymptomatic endometriosis, which made it very nearly impossible.

[Pharlo]

14. Never wanted any.

Not particularly fond of infants. Until they're housetrained and can talk back, you can keep 'em.

Also, never married, so if I had had a child, one parent staying home until the child was in school wouldn't be an option. I wouldn't be raising it, a child care provider would.

[ShenandoahAspen]

15. I just don't have the patience.

And I'm just not a kid person. Most kids just get on my nerves, and I'd rather not have any of my own.

[lizerdbits]

21. +1

My nephews are OK for about 10 minutes and then I'm done. I wish I could find everyone who was completely sure I'd change my mind.

[blueamy66]

16. I do not have children

because I am not a responsible adult. Why would I want to bring a child into my world? I cannot even take care of myself.

But I am an awesome aunt and great-aunt.

[Franzia]

18. .

.

[hobbit709]

19. Both my wife and I didn't want to risk doing what was done to us.

[Haole Girl]

22. Many reasons

Here are two of the reasons: I didn't get married until I was 32... which is pretty old to start a family (to me, anyway). My husband didn't wanted children... we discussed it before marriage. Just getting him to agree to two cats was a major ordeal! lol

[cherish44]

23. Being a parent just makes life so much richer

It's big love, that's all I can say. I always wanted kids and couldn't imagine life without them. It's been a very joyful, very scary, very difficult but oh-so-worth-it journey.

[Maine-ah]

24. our daughter was a surprise,

and I wouldn't trade her for the world. She's 2.5 now, wicked smart and cute!

I can honestly say that starting at about age 28 my body was screaming at me to have a child. I had my daughter when I was 32. My hubbie and I had not used any birth control since I was 25.

[mainegreen]

101. And it's about time to update your sig pic!

It's too damned old!

:hi:

[Xipe Totec]

25. To get a second chance at life n/t

[AngryAmish]

26. Organ bank.

[Moondog]

27. Just didn't. n/t

[Brigid]

29. Because I couldn't.

:(

Besides, that would require a husband and husbands are too hard to raise. ;)

[surrealAmerican]

30. It is utterly fascinating to watch a baby grow up ...

... especially when you're there every step of the way.

[Arugula Latte]

31. It's hard to put into words. I had a gut feeling I wanted children.

I felt like I would be missing something huge if I didn't at least try to become a parent. As I was in my later 20s, my goal was to try to have two children before age 35 (I took to heart all the stories I'd read about infertility, etc.). I realize I was very lucky that I could conceive easily and carry a baby to term (although I had one miscarriage between kids). I had my son at age 31 (barely) and my daughter at age 34. I am SO glad I did!!! Nothing I have ever done in my life has come close to parenthood -- no travel, no accomplishments, nothing related to work or education. It is the richest experience of my life and my husband's life. My kids have brought so much joy and love. Yes, parenthood can be tiring and a pain in the ass sometimes, but to me that part pales wildly in relation to the joy and fun and amazement at their development as people.

Just today ... the kids and I working on brunch together for their dad ... the cards they made him -- SO heartfelt and sweet and full of love and gratitude ... eating together at the family and laughing and planning the day -- heaven on earth. :loveya:

[Forkboy]

32. Not financially sound enough.

I have no urge to raise a child in the same poverty I grew up in. If I can't properly provide for a child I'm not having one (not that that's totally up to me anyways, obviously lol).

[Pool Hall Ace]

33. A few reasons.

Even though I had a great relationship with my mother, my family life was screwed up enough that I knew I didn't want to duplicate it.

While I do find some kids cute, for the most part, I'm not wild about kids.

While I don't have low self-esteem, I see myself as basically useless. I didn't see any point in producing any "little me's" who would just clog up the sewers :shrug:

I didn't marry until I was 42 years old.

[tigereye]

34. hmm, we were getting older and it was something we felt we really wanted

to do. It's not always easy, but it's very rewarding and an eye-opener. I have always liked kids, so it really wasn't that much of a stretch.


Our son has been an amazing person to watch as he has grown.

[enigmatic]

35. Absolutely zero desire to have kids

None. Zilch.

My wife feels the same way, which is one of the many reasons I lover her so much.

[Dappleganger]

36. To work in the cotton fields, of course!

:sarcasm:


We had the first one after being married three years. She was a very easy baby and child, so we had our son. He had cholic and was clingy, so we took a break. Financially we were struggling at the time, too (plus dh was in grad school).

We made a big move from the city to the country and the finances improved considerably so we opted to have another baby. That daughter was the easiest baby, ever. Dh and I were quite content with our three kids.

Dh decided it was time go get 'fixed.' The day he had his first urologist appt., I came up pregnant. Unfortunately my BC failed! We were very shocked but decided to have our little 'surprise', and he's turned out to be a real delight (IOW, he's the class and family clown).

Now our finances are not doing as well since dh lost his good job and we're paying for COBRA. Still, I wouldn't trade them for *anything*.

Kids bring out the best in you as well as the worst. The biggest thing I have learned is that life isn't all about ME. They are an investment in the future of the world as we would like it to be. They are each independent thinkers, kind and creative. Parenting certainly isn't for everyone, but it has made me into a far better person.

[Texasgal]

37. I decided no children because

both my husband and I did not have a deep desire for it and we love to travel too much. :)

[jobycom]

39. Uncontrollable libido and forgetful spouse.

You have to take them every night or they don't work.

[Kali]

41. Still not sure to this day. Never thought I would.

First was a bit of an accident and the second was planned. Then we ended up with my niece too.

It has been a journey. They are all good kids.

[REP]

42. Never wanted any; sterilized twice

I knew when I was 9 that I did not want children. Have never once had second thoughts or regrets, and I'll be 45 this year.

[mnhtnbb]

43. Didn't have kids with first husband--married 7 years. Best decision of my life.

When we divorced, there was no reason to stay in touch. No custody disputes. No trying to single parent
and support myself and kid(s).

When I got married again--five years later--I wanted to have kids before time ran out (35 when first was born and 39 for the last).

The kids are now 22 and 19 . It has truly been a journey: a lot of fun and a lot of hard work and frustration.

We're all going to the beach next week. A couple we knew years ago--who have remained without children--are joining us. It will be interesting to see how they interact with our boys at this age
since they also knew them when they were much, much younger.

[kwassa]

45. Because we wanted children, that's why we adopted.

Best decision I've made in my life.

Watching a child grow up is to watch a miracle. She has enriched our lives immeasurably.

I highly recommend it.

[kentauros]

46. Too many people in the world as it is without me adding more.

Plus, I like my time to do what I want or need to do. And it's cheaper with less impact on the planet :)

[BarenakedLady]

47. I do not, for one nano-second, regret my kids.

All three were planned and wanted. The marriage may not have survived, but I'm sure the world will be a better place with them in it.

[littlebit]

48. I screwed up my dogs bad enough.

I can't imagine what I would do to a kid.

[mcctatas]

49. I blame cheap beer and poor judgement

[dropkickpa]

84. The booze helped a LOT!

[ohheckyeah]

50. I was allergic to being pregnant.

Never did make it past 3 months and gave up.

[abq e streeter]

51. no reason; just never happened--possibly the single greatest regret of my life

[Withywindle]

52. Just not that interested.

Kids just never appealed to me much. Whatever physiological woo a woman is supposed to feel when she thinks of children, I've just never felt it. And I'm turning 40 in 2 weeks, so if I haven't by now, I reckon I never will, and I think parenthood should only be done by people who WANT to. I'm guessing I would be an impatient, short-tempered, neglectful, and resentful parent, and that wouldn't do anybody any favors.

Also, the idea of being pregnant horrifies me. It reminds me more of 'Alien' than of anything warm and fuzzy. I suppose if I could be the one doing the knocking-up and not the one actually hosting, I might be more willing to say 'what the hell' and do it.

[csziggy]

53. I grew up with the conviction the human race will destroy itself

That and watching an aunt suffer through ten or more pregnancies out of which she had six live children. She was pregnant from 1956 to 1970 almost continuously and was not a woman who carried or delivered babies easily.

About the time I started to believe that humans wouldn't start a global nuclear war, the first books about overpopulation and climate effects started to come out.

All that, along with a family history of manic depression persuaded me to not bring children into this world.

[Missy Vixen]

54. Did not think I would be a good parent

I think I knew in high school I did not want to be a parent. I joked about fertilizing the last available egg. As I got older, I realized that not having kids was an option, and I chose to take it.

I love kids. I love being around our friends' kids. I do not love the thought of having my own, and I made sure to be brutally honest with anyone I dated -- if you want kids, you're better off without me. This did not prevent multiple single dads from answering my personals ad, despite the fact I said I didn't want children, or to live with them. :mad: Luckily, I met my husband anyway. He wasn't especially into the procreation thing.

We've been happily not procreating for almost sixteen years now.

[hyphenate]

55. Nothing but pure selfishness

I wanted all my time to myself. :)

Plus the fact I was already helping to raise my now-ungrateful niece. At 31, she is a bold reminder that I escaped a big one!

[Bonn1997]

63. I hear ya there. The thought of having less/no time for many things I like is unappealing...

at least at this stage in my life.

[madeline_con]

56. Sperm are fast and clever swimmers who laughed at the barriers. Three times.

I never "planned" any of my kids. Being a mom rocks. They're 31, 27 and 14 now. :grouphug:

[Chan790]

57. 3 reasons.

1.) I hate children.
2.) I'd be a terrible parent.
3.) Genetic carrier of Cystic Fibrosis.

[rebecca_herman]

58. Other

I do not have kids as I feel I am too young/immature for them at the moment. However I strongly want to have kids someday - somewhere between 2 and 4. I have worked a lot with kids and I love being around them, and I've always felt a strong desire for kids of my own. So I will hopefully have children, when the time is right.

[travelingtypist]

59. Do not.

Drunk of a father, rage-aholic of a mother, sexual abuse was rampant in all
forks of the family tree. My kids would've been as fucked up as I was. Now
all my eggs are almost dead and so it's out of my hands, thank whatever.

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

60. Never really felt the urge to have them

and coming from a family as fucked up as mine, I always worried I wouldn't make a good parent. I've watched 3 out of my 5 siblings who decided to have children pull the same shit on their kids that our parents did on us. I don't want to be responsible for perpetuating that.

[sarge43]

61. Never felt any desire to have them.

Further, I believe it's the toughest job on the planet and I have the deepest respect for anyone who can do it.

[Bonn1997]

62. I know what you mean. It does look like the toughest job on the planet.

[sarge43]

76. I never believed I had what it takes to do it.

It's one thing to screw up your own life; very wrong to do it to someone else's.

[elleng]

64. Didn't know all the facts!

like what it would mean, real life wise, and that someone I liked a lot wanted to marry me but didn't want to 'deprive' me of children! SO, married 'last chance,' and have 2 'adult' children.

Thanks for asking (I think!)

:hi:

[a kennedy]

65. Because I AM the baby of THIS family.......

:blush: I know, selfish, but I like it. :)

[elleng]

66. Its IMPORTANT that you know you like it,

and want to keep it that way! Its YOUR LIFE, and up to you! Nothing selfish about it!

[old mark]

67. Chose not to have any very early in life.

I refuse to contribute any more players to a game I don't like.

mark

[KG]

70. having kids never really interested me. and the path my life has taken, it just never happened.

prolly for the best.

[WinkyDink]

71. No kids, no pets. NOT the care-taker type. Rather Peter-Pannish.

Willful Scorpio only child.

Yes, married to a like-minded man (though he says he'd like a dog!).

[Bonn1997]

73. It may be strange but I feel I don't need kids since I have my dogs.

I'm probably an oddball for feeling that way. I'm sure people with kids would say a dog could never replace them. But I feel like dogs meet my needs (at least now they do) to nurture life and to have affection--and they don't come with nearly as many difficulties as kids do.

[WinkyDink]

83. I love dogs, but you know the saying: "If you want your heart broken, get a dog."

I had a "Benji" type for 2 weeks as a child, but my parents gave her away. I cried for far too long afterwards.

[AwakeAtLast]

72. I always wanted children

I have one child, wanted more, but life got in the way. My husband is in the National Guard and his deployment to Iraq made it hard to plan another child. Now that I'm 39 I don't know if having another would work for me.

One thing I really don't like about having only one child is the condescension from other parents ("Well, you only have ONE CHILD." :eyes: )

There have been some really good and honest responses in this thread. Hope you get the answers you're looking for!

:hi:

[Bonn1997]

74. Yeah, there have been good answers. I feel like I don't want kids now but there's a part of me that

wants to want to have kids. In an abstract sense, I think having a family and contributing a productive member to our society would be a good thing and I think looking back on my life in my old age, I might regret never having had a kid. I do see how proud of me my dad is (mom passed away when I was young) and would like to have that same pride when I'm his age. In a more concrete sense, though, I don't really want to do any of the things parents have to do and I don't really like little kids that much.

[a kennedy]

80. yeah, I get emotional at Christmas time for kids, then I get over it

in about 10 minutes.......

[handmade34]

112. you ask a good question

whatever the answer is, they are my life and I love them with my entire being

this is why I had kids --- I have every reason to believe that my children will work to be part of the solution....




and even this

[HughBeaumont]

75. I have a stepson. That will be all.

1. I like my "me" time. I have no desire to be a 40 year old dad of a newborn.
2. The planet is already way too populated and we don't have infinite resources.
3. I'm not going to ever be able to financially provide for more than one child. I don't even know how I'm going to provide for this one's college.
4. I vasectomized to shut the "don't you want any MORE children? They're such a joy!" stupids up.

The fact is, for every 2 great things they accomplish, there are 34 things they do to drive you insane. I'd never trade my stepson in, since he means the world to me. But the fact is, I can't mentally handle more. I'd see it as being shackled for decades and that just wouldn't make for any sort of happiness at all. I just couldn't do it. I want to do things, travel, write, catch up on my reading. I'd never be able to do that with a second kid.

[raptor_rider]

77. I have always wanted kids.

Got pregnant at 17 and knew that it was not a good thing and ex bf's family would have created heel for everyone. Had an abortion. Got pregnant at 19 and miscarried. Really wanted that one. Got pregnant at 21 and my daughter is now 11 almost 12. Her bio dad is not in our lives, it is a nightmare story. Let's just say I was lucky to get away alive!

My husband and I got together 6 years ago and will be married 5 years on July 24th. Had my first son on June 20th 2006. Thought that this was oerfect. Just my daughter and son. God thought differently. Found out on Halloween 2006 that I was 12 weeks pregnant with son #2. Due May 25th 2007. Well, he thought that he wanted out sooner and was born April 15th 2007. My boys are 9 months and 23 days apart and hubby gave me the best gift. He went in and got the vasectomy when I was 6 months pregnant with son #2.

It is tough, however I would not give it up for the world. I love my babies.

[raccoon]

78. Never wanted to do to somebody else what was done to me. nt

[ScreamingMeemie]

79. Because, as luck would have it, I ended up preggers at 19...

That's pretty much it. :hi:

[One_Life_To_Give]

81. Waterskiing Accident

Mrs OLTG had a nasty fall and the resulting injuries have eliminated such from practical mconcideration. She struggles enough with lifting a laundry basket or riding in a car on a bumpy (read normal MA) road.

[dropkickpa]

82. Oops

Seriously. But I love her, I guess. She's in a very bratty phase right now.

[mentalsolstice]

85. I chose not to

My relationship with my mom is terribly dysfunctional, and I didn't want to drag a kid into it, particularly a daughter. Fortunately I met and married a man woh didn't want any either, he just felt the world was too fucked up as it is.

[Deep13]

86. Seven billion is already too many. nt

[ChickMagic]

87. Never had any - didn't want any

I'm just not a kid person.

I saw a study a long time ago - I don't remember who published it. Some
young children were asked if they wanted to have children of their own.
Most said yes, others said no.

They were followed up 30 years later and almost to the person, the people
who wanted kids when they were young had them, while the others did not.

I remember thinking when I was about 6 years old that I didn't want kids.
I didn't play with dolls at all.

[snooper2]

88. My first is due Nov. 6th

which will also be the last :) One should be enough

[mamaleah]

89. I had them for purely selfish reasons

I love kids. I think its that whole "hope for the future" thing. Plus I came from a decent sized family and it's actually a good time.

Plus they do a damn good job of cutting back on my housework!

[Gonzo Gardener]

90. My husband and I decided not to have any children before we got married..

but too many free White Russians at a Tropicana roulette table changed that plan just a couple of months after the "I do's". Thank you Las Vegas! I love my kid more than anything/anyone imaginable and I love being a mom!

In the process of having our baby and raising him, we discovered that Mr. Gonzo is gaga over babies and would love be surrounded by dozens of them at all times. I discovered that one was all my body and mind could handle.. Mr. Gonzo being infinitely more patient and less selfish than I.

Ideologically, we feel that when anyone has more than one or two babies, they are contributing to the overpopulation of the planet.

[oedura]

91. Women think I'm creepy and repulsive.

No real loss. Too many damned people in the world already.

[Bonn1997]

94. That's no excuse. You just gotta find a woman who likes creepy, repulsive men!

[TEXASYANKEE]

92. Children/babies are like little aliens to me.

Seriously, I just don't "get them." I am much more in tune with dogs and cats. I will be 50 in a few months and I have never, not one single time in my entire life, wanted to have children. And, like several others have mentioned, I came from a dysfunctional family and knew that I would be no better at it myself. It's a decision I have never regretted.

[RagAss]

93. I dig noise !

[mopinko]

95. there were no openings available to join jane goodall in the jungle watching

chimps, so i had my own little troop of ape/people. it has been one hell of a journey, and one hell of an education.

[Dangerously Amused]

96. Grew up in a dysfunctional family.

I was always too afraid of perpetuating that dysfunction in a family of my own, so the idea of having children and/or being a parent never appealed to me. Plus the earth is already overpopulated; I couldn't rationalize bringing another child into the world while ignoring the children dying in poverty while awaiting adoption.

No regrets, ever. It was absolutely the right decision.

[Throd]

97. So the cat doesn't eat my corpse.

[hippywife]

98. I was raised by a father

with an Italian temper and a very short fuse. I inherited his lack of patience with children so I figured it was best for all concerned that I not have any and put them through the hell that was my childhood.

[Mike 03]

99. My wife and I disagreed on this...

She wanted us to have our own children, and I was very much in favor of adoption because there are so many unwanted children.

We divorced a bit later, after we had this discussion, and it was only a part of the decision, but I do believe it factored a lot into our decision to split ways.

[Bonn1997]

100. Hmmm. Did you consider having one biological and one adoptive child? I don't mean to be too nosey!

[Sky Masterson]

102. Never had the urge to reproduce

I don't know why?
I guess I figure that if I ever wanted a child I could adopt one that's already here
instead of making another.
Besides, I got sucky genes. :P

[crim son]

103. Ouzo.

Wine.
Wine.

[bikebloke]

104. A couple reasons

I was wise enough to escape loopy partners before it got that far. I'm a freak magnet with american women. And the European and Aussies I clicked with while traveling, were here today and no tomorrow.

And considering my parents were shite and a sibling shite cubed, maybe it's best I didn't breed.

[Orsino]

105. Never really wanted any.

I'm not claiming to have zero paternal instincts, but I've never wanted to devote myself to raising children.

[MikeH]

106. I have several reasons for not having children, due to both circumstances and my own choices

One of the circumstances is that for various reasons, including some problems that I had when I was young, but also due to some choices I have made as an adult, I have so far not had any serious relationship with a woman. This is admittedly one of the biggest disappointments of my life. (I am a 58 year old heterosexual male.)

However I am not at all disappointed that I do not have children.

First of all I had a very difficult and unhappy childhood and adolescence, and it was a struggle for me as a young adult for me to really become happy and to be at peace with life and to enjoy being alive. Just having very painful memories of my own unhappy childhood and youth, I have not wanted to have my own children.

One of the big and major problems I had, well into my adulthood, was my relationship with my father. He was an excellent provider for his family, and did many very nice things for me and for his family, and many very good things, and often helped me out with things like schoolwork. However he was a very strong-minded, dominating person, and was often very judgmental. He was often very poor at understanding, from my point of view, some difficult or sensitive issue which was causing me to be upset, frustrated, or otherwise unhappy. And he often decided in Godlike fashion that I needed to be yelled at or bawled out like I had committed a crime when I made an honest mistake, honestly forgot something, or something was not according to his standards. And he would always say that what he was saying or doing was “http://www.nospank.net/fyog.htm">for my own good”.

It seemed like according to my dad the important thing in life was to live up to his, or somebody else’s, rules, expectations, and standards. It seemed like to him life was a matter of duty (even though at times he might tell me to enjoy myself). He would sometimes remind me that it is a “cruel world”.

His attitude and his manner did very little to inspire me with confidence in myself as a person in my own right, and as one who could handle things and make it in the world. He would not let me make my own mistakes.

It was a major source of frustration for me that even as a young man I often ended up being intimidated by my dad (or charmed when he was really nice) and went along with things he said or did that I really did not feel were OK.

My dad died when I was in my mid-30’s. It was about a year after his death that I became fully aware of how angry I still was at my dad, and that he had actually at times been abusive, or at least borderline so. I.e. it was not just something wrong with me that I had problems with him, and was often angry with him and resented things he said and did, which anger and resentment spilled out toward other people and to other areas of my life (such as my jobs, and socially).

My feelings about my own dad have been a major contributing factor to a very strong distaste toward the idea of being a dad myself.

And given what we now know about global warming, and the threat to our planet’s sustainability, as well as what the GWB misadministration and the wealthy elites have done to ruin our country and our country’s economy (and the fact that the foundations for GWB to do what he did were laid long before he came into power), I am now very happy that I do not have any children, or grandchildren, who are going to have to deal with all this. And anyway, at age 58, I am now past the age at which most people would want to have children. And I don’t like the idea of being in my 70’s when my children would be teenagers.

I am very happy with the responses to this thread of people having children who love children and have wanted to have them, and feel that their children are the best thing on the planet. It is wonderful for somebody to have children who loves children, and wants to have them, and -- very importantly -- is able to handle the responsibilities of raising them, taking care of them, and giving them the love and attention that they need.

And I am also happy with the responses to this thread of people not having children who realize that they have not really wanted them and/or are not able to handle the responsibilities of raising them.

I think that it is very wrong for anybody to be made to feel that they “should” have children for any other reason that one really loves children and wants to have them. It is particularly wrong for anybody to be made to feel that they have any kind of duty to have children, such as a duty to God or any kind of religious duty, or a duty to one’s parents (to provide them with grandchildren) or to other relatives.

I despise the religious right, and one of the most reprehensible things that some people on the religious right are saying is that people have a duty to have children, and that they are being selfish to not have children, and especially that Christians have a duty to supposedly allow God to provide them with as many children as God would wish or see fit to provide them.

I myself have never had any pressure from family to get married or to have children. However sometimes I have been a little bit offended, or at least irritated, if somebody in casual conversation asks how many children I have, or asks if I have children in a tone which sounds like I “should” have children. One time at a soup and salad buffet restaurant, the day after Halloween one year, a woman behind the counter asked me if I went trick-or treating with my children. I reminded her that there are people who do not have children. I did find her question offensive, with its implication that I “should” have children (she said I looked like a daddy). Hey, there might be any number of very personal reasons why somebody might not have children, whether by choice or by circumstance.

[Bryn]

107. Can't have children

My cat is allergic. :)

[Nevernose]

108. I didn't wear a condom.

I know this is a liberal message board and we're all educated and stuff, but really? 107 responses and I'm the only guy who didn't wear a rubber?

It ended up all right, by the way. My kid is so much better than the rest of your kids that I feel sorry for you :). Granted, I would have waited ten years if I could change things, but the kid herself is amazing. And apparently the "amazing-ness" skips a generation, because she sure as hell didn't get it from her parents.

[Iggo]

109. Used a condom almost every time since 10th grade.

Someone gave a speech. I listened.

[Lorien]

110. 1). Never had a truly worthwhile significant other, 2). people are trashing

the planet and the population is exploding so fast that any kid I would have wouldn't have a real future at all. How could I bring a child into the world knowing that??

[Common Sense Party]

111. So are you saying my kids have no future?

Damn.

[Lorien]

122. The facts are the facts:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2002/jul/07/research.waste we had our chance and we've blown it.

[Dammit Ann]

113. infertile.

And I think they are cute, like puppies. But I am a cat person. My husband is toddler enough. As am I.

[Skittles]

114. I don't cave in to societal pressures

[Common Sense Party]

116. Me, either. That's why we had three kids.

[Skittles]

117. yes because the pressure not to have them is sooooo great

[Common Sense Party]

119. Around here it is.

[Lorien]

123. Around where?

there's no place in America where families aren't celebrated above everything and everyone else. The bigger your is, the more adoration you get.

[kedrys]

115. I have negative parental fiber

I leave that sort of thing to those who actually want to reproduce. I'll stick to cats, kthxbai. :P

[skygazer]

118. Because I got knocked up

:P

[maddezmom]

120. Couldn't have any naturally and thought we were fine with that for a while

Until visiting a orphanage in Bogota...then thought we'd really like to have a family. Didn't adopt there but when we went back to the US adopted 2. It's been a wild ride but I wouldn't trade it in for a minute. :)

[datasuspect]

121. i didn't have kids

because i don't have a uterus or a vagina or other female reproductive organs.

if i did, i'd probably have a ton by now.

[annabanana]

124. Programmed in the 50's, maybe.

So it seems like I'd always wanted to have some eventually. When I hit age 35.. the old clock started ticking really loud..managed to find Mr. Right and get two in before I hit 40.

And I'm glad I did. Having young children gives you a truly remarkable experience. There is that magical time when you, personally.. can make "everything ok" for another human being. You can solve every problem that babies have. (assuming you have the great good fortune to have healthy ones- which I did). It felt good.

It also helped me understand (and appreciate) my Mom in a way I never had before.

I can't solve anything anymore.. and they sure don't particularly want me to try either. (Wait till the grandkids, I guess)