Disturbing news: I am not in my brother's will, which apparently involves 3 mystery jars

[graywarrior]

but my sister is because she took the 12:30 am drunk call and commiserated over me calling him an old fool to his face of which I have not seen since the "reunion" and of which no one else recalls the phrase "old fool" being used on anyone.

THIS is why I hide in plain site of my demented, fucked up, lunatic of a family.

As for the mystery jars...I wonder which one of us will get this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sr-tCMYFvkI

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. That was the first thing I thought of when I saw the phrase "mystery jars."

:scared: One of the creepiest shows ever.

Not inheriting the mystery jars might be a very good thing.

[graywarrior]

3. I vaguely recall having a drunk discussion 25 years ago about some jar

He holds onto info that only surfaces from the pits of his brain when he drinks. Unfuckingbelievable.

[Xipe Totec]

2. If a letter and a candle arrives, don't light the candle...

:scared:

[nuxvomica]

24. What does that mean?

:shrug:

[Xipe Totec]

28. There's a story of a spurned poet

who committed suicide and had his body rendered to make a candle from his rendered fat.

His final love letter to the woman who spurned him was delivered with the candle, and instructions to read the letter by the light of the candle...

Only when she reached the final sentence in the letter did she learn the nature of the candle.

[nuxvomica]

32. I figured something supernatural but that's even creepier

I just hope the woman in question wasn't Edna St. Vincent Millay. ;-)

[Haole Girl]

4. My step mother told us when my Dad dies she will send his ashes with a note in the mail.

I believe it too. :-(

[Xipe Totec]

6. I have plans for my ashes...

I have a long list of people who'll get a little ash in their eyes...

Hey, I want people to cry at my funeral...

[peacefreak]

23. sounds like a

pain in the ash...

[Jamastiene]

45. ...

:spray:

[quakerboy]

8. Heh

I have always hoped that when I die, I will be cremated, stuck in a Chinese puzzle box with silver coin and tossed out far into the woods. I fugure that way someday someone will be happy to see me again.

Unlike my fil who has asked to be skinned, framed, and hung as artwork in our home.

[quakerboy]

5. Are the mystery jars immediately relevant?

Or does he have time to change his mind and opt you into the fun?

Either way.. Good luck to you.

[graywarrior]

10. The idea of the mystery jars has had me bursting into laughter for the entire day.

[quakerboy]

11. I wish we had 3 mystery jars in my family.

My whole family is awaiting execution of several wills with baited breath.

First there is the person with the "treasure room" where only one person at a time dare enter, due to the likely hood it will break off the house and fall down the ravine.

Then theres the one with the 2 story Deck in a front yard. The one that has been lost to the world of man. You cannot see it any more, but those of us who were there years ago at its creation know it lurks among the trees, shrubs, etc, full of rusty tetanus causing metal objects of dubious worth.

And then the one that will involve the barn stuffed with many years worth of "auction" finds. Not the good auctions, mind you, the ones where you can buy a half ton of rotted onions or a giant box of rusted broken bicycle bits. The ones where they literally shovel your winnings into your truck bed after you pay up.


I daresay come judgment days there will be a whole host of "mystery jars" in various locations that we as a family are already playing "not it" for. These games are all the more fun when you realize you may have to involve 1 or more Hazmat teams before the dust settles.

[graywarrior]

13. Oh Christ, now I have totally lost it.

That made me laugh so hard my gallstones are rattling around.

[quakerboy]

21. Give me a year

I bet I can find you some extras in at least one of those places.

[marzipanni]

42. Your descriptions bring to mind Nitt Witt Ridge in Cambria California

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Cl0H8-YNm8

[Jamastiene]

49. Oh, it's gorgeous.

I don't see any bright yellow pinwheels and ginormous fake sunflowers in the yard though.
:shrug:

[marzipanni]

43. removed-dupe

[Jamastiene]

46. Are we related?

No, I'm serious. That sounds like my family. I don't know whether to :rofl: or :cry:

[Tangerine LaBamba]

7. If you can't count on your family

to fuck you over, who can you count on?

I'm sorry this is happening to you. No one needs this moronic crap.

And, FYI, I think the duck had it coming ...........................

[Generic Brad]

9. At least your sister still talks to you

That's way more than I can say about anyone in my family.

[graywarrior]

14. She talks AT me

[Generic Brad]

19. Then perhaps I should consider myself lucky

No one speaks to me at all. A few have written. It seems half are praying for my soul and the other half want to beat me up. It doesn't give me a lot of incentive to reach out to any of them.

[graywarrior]

20. LOL

My sister is a born again and my bro is a biker, so I totally identify.

[mainegreen]

12. I bet the jars are empty.

[graywarrior]

15. No...no, I think not.

I fear there are sinister, evil things in those jars. Once living pieces of resentments that have been pickled and waiting for the right audience.

[Forkboy]

16. The jars are kept hermetically sealed under Funk and Wagnell's porch.

[NV Whino]

17. It's probably marinated duck.

[graywarrior]

18. Knowing him, it's duck tar tar

[NV Whino]

22. Probably a good thing you know where your duck is then.

[Lautremont]

25. Beware mystery jars:

http://www.bleedingskull.com/vhs/jar.html

This link will take you to a review of the movie "The Jar" - a movie I myself have not only seen, but own.

[ScreamingMeemie]

26. Write a book...oh please, please, please write a book.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

35. I think you ought to write one about your mom/grandmother

And that I should do the same.

[ScreamingMeemie]

36. We can collaborate and write a fictionalized account, drawing from

our wealth of anecdotes.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

38. The Great Passive-Aggressive Turban Incident of '09

[DeepBlueC]

27. mystery jars...what a drama queen

This is definitely an idea that was conceived in alcohol. :hi:

[seaker]

29. Well, I am intrigued...

and want to concoct some type of Mission Impossible scheme to ascertain the contents.
I am sorry he is being a jackass...Maybe you could send him a mystery package of your own or a least allude to one in your possession?

[graywarrior]

33. All I need to do is say the word "assault" and he runs

[seaker]

44. Perhaps the magical phrase

that will reveal contents of 3 jars if you are so inclined?:shrug:

[graywarrior]

48. I've been thinking about this for days and I've come to the conclusion that

the jars obtain evidence of bad things we did in our childhood. Diaries, notes we wrote one another about him, evidence of our telling his girlfriends he is a shitfuck and they should break up with him, crap like that. No mention of him giving my Bob Dylan albums away to people he was desperate to impress or telling MY boyfriend he was better off with that skank whore alcoholic Mary Lou.

I've thought about this A LOT since that facebook message and this is now WAR.

[Chan790]

30. That reminds me of a disturbing and funny story...

My grandfather was a child of the Depression and as such never trusted the bank. So...he used to horde and hide money. Most of it we found years ago. He said on several occasions that the largest sum was buried in a mayonnaise jar for a rainy day in the back acres; to keep my harebrained uncles from digging up the backyard, he also claimed to have buried land mines and a crate of TNT back there. He said that when the time came, he'd tell my uncle Paul (the eldest) where the money was. One problem...Grandpa died of sudden cardiac arrest and never did tell my uncle where the money was or if it even existed or was just another one of his practical jokes.

Then...the septic system leech field failed. Nothing blew up when they were driving the backhoe around digging the new trench...but we were kind of expecting it. They didn't find the money either.

[graywarrior]

34. LOL

I love that story. When my granmother died we found bottles of booze behind the foot pedals of her player piano. She swore to god she never drank OR that she had sex.

[ThomCat]

31. He sounds pretty fucked up.

:(

My father is very happy to announce that he only has two children, my twin brother and my baby sister. I don't exist. My brother will be executor, but my sister will get almost everything.

How fucked up is that? My brother will have to do most of the work but get almost nothing. My sister, of course, thinks that's wonderful. My brother seems to think that our father is joking, but this sounds like something he'd really do.

I will get nothing.

[graywarrior]

40. I got nothing from my dad's estate. My bro got everything.

But when I was executor of the estate I sold the house and split the money between all of us. Apparently, I am the old fool, not him.

[krispos42]

47. That's terrible.

:-(

[crim son]

37. Freaky.

I used to not understand how people didn't get along with family. As I age, it becomes clearer. Sorry, graywarrior. :hug:

[DS1]

39. Your brother is Bob Barker?

[graywarrior]

41. LOL!