Need relationship help

[sakabatou]

Bah.... >_<

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. One of you needs to move.

It is very hard to maintain a long-distance relationship...

Or..some vacations together...

I'm sorry...

:hug:

[sakabatou]

2. Can't. Neither one of us has that kind of money.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. But you're engaged...

So eventually it has to happen.

Or else everything is lost...

Sorry to sound so bleak...

[sakabatou]

5. It will eventually

Hmm... I got an idea, but I have to run this across my parents (yes, I love with them).

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. Glad I had a hand in helping you get your idea!

:hug:

[sakabatou]

8. Talked to them

They said that our relationship is in flux and there is no good solution.

[vadawg]

4. for less than $50, and long distance, im afraid your relationship is toast

either you need to move closer and actually have a relationship or you have to let it go.

[sakabatou]

6. X-(

Well fuck.

[LostInAnomie]

9. I was you a couple of years ago...

Now, I'm single.

[sakabatou]

10. Way to go for not helping

[vadawg]

11. what did you expect, people are telling you what you dont want to hear

but i can guarentee the answers you are getting will help you in the long run rather than being in denial.

[sakabatou]

12. They're giving me advice for what I CAN NOT do

I can't do this right now. I can't move. I can't get her to move in. All I can fucking do is gather info.

[stewartcolbert08]

13. I can give good advice, just cant take it so fire away!

:grouphug:

[sakabatou]

14. What's your advice then?

[stewartcolbert08]

15. I dont know whats going on?

Whats the situation?

[sakabatou]

16. We live on opposite coasts

We've been together for over 2 years. Right now, she feels that our "spark" has faded and I don't know what to do and neither does she. I want some idea to get the fire going again. Neither one of us has serious cash, hence visiting might be a pain.

[Chan790]

21. I've been there and I can't tell you anything you'd want to hear.

I can just tell you my experiences and impressions based on those experiences.

I did the dumb thing...I threw all caution to the wind, quit my job and moved 900 miles on my credit cards to be there with her. She accused me of not listening to what she was actually saying (that she was hunting for a means to end the relationship without having to end the relationship...basically, she was looking for the right words to have it fade into non-existence as it was "the past"), doing something she never asked me to do (move to her hometown) and then she dumped me, broke, stranded-there and unemployed, 48 hours after I moved to the ugliest city I've ever lived in (Philadelphia, if you care) to try to save a relationship that I didn't know was already dead. I spent a year living in Philly and never really felt like I belonged there without her.

My roommates did the same thing to the opposite and equally-bad result. She quit her job as an investment manager for a commercial investment bank (buying credit default swaps, of all things.) in DE to move to NYC to be with my best friend from college. They both made huge investments into their relationship, now she's here and neither one of them wants to admit that their relationship is dead. They sleep in separate rooms, they haven't had relations in over a year, they bicker constantly and neither one of them has said anything even remotely resembling "I love you." in the 7 months I've lived here. But neither one of them is willing to pull the plug on their engagement because they don't want to admit that this all was a mistake and because they fear having to start over again in a new relationship with someone else. They are bound and determined to make a dead relationship live.

My best married friends, A. and Bee (yes, those are really the names they go by.), lived 200 miles apart during college and never saw each other. They too lost "the spark" and she ended it. He told her that she could do what she needed to do but to know that she could always come back. He dated other people, she dated other people. 5 months go by and she realizes that she had with him what she didn't have with anybody before or after, sure they no longer had that new-and-exciting electricity to their relationship, but she felt a peace and comfort with him that she had with no other person alive. From that moment, there was nobody else in the world she wanted to be with. 3 years later they got married and now they've been married for 7 years and together for almost half their lives.

Based on these experiences, these are my impressions, take them or leave 'em: Spark isn't savable. It's like new car smell, it's temporary and if there isn't anything there to replace it as it fades, there is merely its' absence. If there is something to replace it, you don't notice that it's leaving. The fact that she's said the spark is fading, tends to imply that the relationship is done. It seems that your parents tried to tell you this while letting you down softly. If it's going to survive, nothing will change that. If it's not going to make it, nothing at this point is going to change that either.

[stewartcolbert08]

17. Okay

How have you guys been communicating up until now? What if you guys tried to make a visit or even meet half way every six weeks or so??? Surely both of you can put in some extra hours and set aside some plane money and shoot for something like that?? What do you think? Also you could do web cams.....I am sure you guys do the txt ing thing, email and all that. What if you just said fuck it and loaded up to go see her for a weekend, utilities or whatever can wait till you get back, this isnt just a fling this is your relationship, I mean I guess it just depends on how far you are willing to go to broaden your options! What do you think?

[sakabatou]

18. OK

Communication: Phone, instant messengers. Meeting every six weeks would be a drain on the "banks" so that's out of the question.

I can't work because I have brain damage. She has yet to find a job. Web cams could work, so I'll look into that. Thank you!

[stewartcolbert08]

19. Your Welcome!

You might also look into bus tickets and stuff its usually cheaper than flying and maybe telemarketing for jobs for either one of you, i know in my town it pays okay........Good luck!! :hug:

[sakabatou]

20. Going on the bus

For 3000 miles?

[stewartcolbert08]

27. I know but I am just saying........

If it means that much and you have to cut costs, better to sacrafice some discomfort than your relationship right? A train maybe too!

[sakabatou]

30. I'd rather take a 3, 4 hr plane ride

[XemaSab]

22. Long distance relationships suck

Unless you have been together for a while in the same city and one of you moves, it's almost doomed from the get-go.

[sakabatou]

23. We've been together for over 2 years

My parents were in a long distance relationship for a few years.

[Evoman]

24. My advice, no matter what the problem is, is usually "bone other chicks".

So you probably don't want any advice from me.

:evilgrin:

[sakabatou]

25. ...

:spank:

[sakabatou]

26. *-_-*CRISIS OVER*-_-*

Mods, you may lock the thread.

[stewartcolbert08]

28. really?

or are you being sarcastic? I want to know what happened?! Call me nosey! LOL ;-)

[sakabatou]

29. The crisis really is over

We're still together. Turns out she just had a stressful day.

^_^

[stewartcolbert08]

31. Great!

Tell her next time she has a stressful day to let you console her through it instead of turning your life into turmoil over how you are going to keep the two of you together! Sorry but that was kind of messed up of her! Good luck friend! :hi: