Have you ever had to or chosen to stop communicating with a sibling or family member?

[Mike 03]

It is difficult but necessary to ask this question, as I've come to the conclusion that one of my sisters is basically a lost cause (after a decade of struggle, hope, pointless optimism and wasted attempts to help) and that further communication with her is just encouraging her worst tendencies and destroying me as well.

But, naturally, I'm terribly conflicted about whether to give up or keep trying. I have four other family members who truly are experiencing hell right now and need my help, and they deserve it.

Never in a million years could I imagine that I might have to disown a member of my own family, but things are so bad now that I can find no other alternative.

It's also taking a toll on me, mentally.

Has anyone ever had to set bold limits, even to the point of eclipsing communication, with a sibling?

[Inchworm]

1. It is contagious

My mom thinks I'm a heathen and stopped.

Years later I tossed my heathen dumbass brother out on his ear. I'm better off he isn't a problem here at the house any longer.

It hits me on occasion that I might suck, but it is also obvious that things are quite peaceful here without him.

:hi:

[ThomCat]

2. Oh yes.

If you're considering it then chances are it's the healthy choice to make. :hug:

[Tangerine LaBamba]

3. Family or not,

some people are just toxic, and your only obligation is to protect yourself.

You've given it a good shot. Now you're about to enter what we call "pissing up a rope" territory, and no one wants to go there.

Save yourself. Enough is too much.

[BeachBaby]

10. +1.

Good God, woman. Write a book already.

Much love,
Your Biggest Fan ;) :hi: :hug:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

4. I keep my interaction with my father to the barest minimum possible.

Best that way for all involved.

[Generic Brad]

5. Yes

For years I thought they were treating me and my wife like shit because they were insensitive. I kept excusing their behavior to keep the peace, which only emboldened them further. But when they admitted it was being done purposefully and methodically because I was a liberal, an atheist, and mixing races, I felt I did not have to keep up the charade any longer. Fuck those holier than thou conservative racists. I have better things to do with my life than be ridiculed, manipulated and condemned voluntarily on a never ending basis.

[hibbing]

6. yes

Hi,
After years of watching my sister ignore my parents, help my parents when help was needed, and coming to the realization that she just uses people, I have stopped contact with her. The thing about it is, it bothers the heck out of me, but I am sure she sleeps like a baby every night without a thought. A lot more history, but for the life of me I can't imagine what either of my parents ever did for her to treat them like she does. Sad situation and has caused a lot of discussion among my other family members. I can't imagine having a daughter that wants nothing to do with you, but of course there are things, that I understand that would lead that to happen.

Hang in there.

Peace

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

7. My sister-in-law is an absolutely poisonous person

and I will no longer have anything to do with her. This has strained my previously-warm relationship with my brother, but I really don't want his toxic wife anywhere near me.

[Kali]

8. yes

I'm raising her oldest daughter and "his" sister adopted their other daughter. That may give some clue to the degree of hostility I feel for one of my sisters. The other is one of my best friends.

[Shell Beau]

9. Never EVER. Look, I am sensitive to this issue.

I lost a brother in a car wreck. My last communication with him was good and I so much appreciate that. It is priceless. Life is too short you know.

[enigmatic]

11. yes

Doing so saved my sanity, and my life, too.

[riderinthestorm]

12. Yes. While I had a lot of guilt over it all, the resulting relief was overwhelming.

No more pretending to like them. No more pretending to do the "family" thing. There are times even now that the twinges sometimes nag at me about them but it's time to move on and be done with it. In my case it wasn't a sibling - it's my father and his mother, my grandmother. He's a child molester, and she's an excuser for his despicable behavior.

Whether it's a parent, sibling, extended relation - some families are made of blood and others are not. Find your family where you can and embrace it all with love. Even if you are religious, and think you have to find your way to "forgiveness" regarding whatever idiocy they've manifested - please note that forgiveness does not equal keeping company with that person.

You can forgive yet never have contact ever again.

Once we're adults, we MUST chart our own destiny. Keep that thought foremost and act on your highest principles. You'll always come out right - for you.

[MissB]

13. Yes. My brother and I had to stop

Communicating with our Dad for the better part of a year. His drinking was getting very out of hand and we had to tell him we couldn't see him self-destruct. He was super pissed for months, but he eased off the drinking.

Long term, it has affected our relationship but it was so necessary to set limits.

[bikebloke]

14. Oh yes.

My parents completely dropped the ball with my sister. They thought lying and theft was cute, so there wasn't the discipline I got. The end result is a sociopath. And according to the sociopath, if I hadn't been born, there would have been more free money to fleece off her parents. Thus, all things, especially photos from my childhood, have been destroyed. There's a grave waiting to be pissed upon.

[TZ]

15. Yep.n/t