Ever have to deal with a nasty, joyless unpleasent person on a professional basis....

[Tommy_Carcetti]

....and then wonder if there is anything in their personal life that makes them happy at all?

And I'm not talking about people who have actual emotional problems or may be depressed due to some tramatic event. I mean people who just come across as naturally ugly and unpleasant people for no particular reason, people who insist on being combative for the sake of being combative.

There's one woman, not a coworker, but someone who I've had to recently deal with in my line of business, who every time I have to deal with her, she has to pick a fight over the most trivial and minute things. It's as though she is impossible to please or have a civil interaction with.

So yesterday, after my most recent incident, I got to wondering. I wondered if she was married or had some sort of a significant other. I hadn't checked to bother if she had a wedding ring. I mean, I wouldn't say she's really that physically attractive, but I wouldn't say she's necessarily unattractive either, at least when compared to other people of her comparable age. Is there anyone that she shares her life who makes her smile, that she can let her guard down, go out and have fun with? It doesn't even have to be a love interest, it could just be a good friend. I wondered if there was any person she ever had a social interaction with that she didn't seek out to make the experience as unpleasant as humanly possible.

Then I wondered if she had any children. If she ever knew the feeling of looking into a child's eyes and knowing that he or she was her flesh and blood, and that she would do anything in her life to make sure that her child knew that he or she was loved and cared for.

Or if not a child, maybe a pet. Did she come home to a dog or a cat? Who when she relaxed in front of the TV in the evening would come up and curl in her lap, and let her pet it? Or hell, even something like a fish or a turtle, something that she could show some form of attachment to or responsibility, no matter how small or trivial?

Then my mind really began to wander. I wondered whether this woman ever took any vacations, or whether she never left her house other than go to her job. Perhaps she did take trips, but most likely they were all day job seminars, and after the seminar was done with, she would return to her hotel room at 9:00 pm on the dot and go immediately to sleep.

I wondered if she ever actually took time to enjoy a good meal, whether she would go out to a nice restaraunt and order the chef's special of the day. Probably not. Most likely her meals all consisted of oatmeal. Not that special oatmeal flavored with maple and brown sugar, mind you. Just plain, flavorless oatmeal. Three meals a day, 365 days a year.

I wondered whether she even bothered to sleep on a mattress. What good is a soft mattress to her? A concrete slab would do the trick just as well.

Then I realized I was thinking a little too much. Still, I just have to wonder about people like that. Surely there has to be something in their life that makes them happy. I just wonder what it might be.

[raccoon]

1. I've run into people like that. She reminds me of a co-worker I had once who was always

complaining, always pissed off. SHe'd come in in the morning talking about God damn this and God damn that.

I believe she was clinically depressed. She was sure a pain in the ass though.

This woman you know might be depressed too. I have 2 suggestions.

If she's one of those PITA combative people who argue with anything you say, for instance:

You: Looks like we're going to nice weather.

She: Looks like it's going to cloud over.

THen, you say, "Whatever." (I'd be tempted to say it in an annoyed tone--depends on how much power each of you has.)

2nd suggestion:

Say to yourself--I do this one 10 times in my head:

"That is her stuff. It has nothing to do with me."

Hope this helps!

[NJmaverick]

2. Is she combative with everyone?

Honestly I don't think a woman needs kids or a man in her life, to make her complete

[Lost in CT]

8. Well at least a couple of cats or something...

But having a lover or a spouse or a couple of decent children will make anyones life more fulfilled regardless of gender.

There is nothing wrong in pointing out the obvious.

[Swede]

3. Who has time for these negative people?

I avoid them as much as I can,though a work contact can be a little harder.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

5. The nature of my business makes this contact unavoidable.

Unfortunately.

[Nickster]

4. Have you bothered to ask her how she is or how things are going in her life?

Some people can be ornery just for the sake of being ornery, but you don't offer a whole lot of details, so it's hard to say one way or the other, but instead of making assumptions, you could ask her. You might be surprised.

One customer I used to work with had some of the most severe chronic pain. Everytime I spoke with, I cringed like a dog preparing for another beating, but I found out about him and his background and understood he was in some severe pain. A little while further down the road, he had his legs amputated and he was fitted with prostethics. I offered him what words I could think of and it was like night and day, his attitude was completely different. He said that he hadn't felt that good in years and that his new legs would help him get around better than his original equipment. We had great conversations after that, up until the day he passed. I imagine I would have been the loser if I had written him off as a mean old crank.

Just sayin.....

[Tommy_Carcetti]

6. I would love to extend an olive branch, but I doubt she would even be receptive.

And again, without going into much detail what I do, there unfortunately isn't much time for small talk in the business even if I wanted there to be.

[Nickster]

10. Again, sounds like assumptions to me. At least you can be the one to smile and say, How are you?

Doesn't take that long does it? If she's mean, well, that's her problem then.

[Deep13]

7. Yup.

The last place where I was an employee, that description fit just about everyone there.

[Tektonik]

9. I've been called a joyless, negative person by a coworker

Happens to be that person fucks around and doesn't follow direction. So yeah I treat him like an asshole.

With people I enjoy working with, I am my actual self, a helpful, jokingly sarcastic human being.

[Heidi]

11. She may be wondering the same things about you.

I don't say that to be mean, but to raise your awareness that none of us is the center of the universe, however slighted or miffed we feel about another person's behavior. There's a whole bunch of nuance in human interaction, "a life in every breath." Do you really have empathy for her or genuinely care what's at the core of her behavior or how you perceive it? Or do you just want her to be more easy going because it would make your life easier? If you care about her, try kindness as a means of peeling back the layers; if you don't really care about her, just avoid her.

To answer your question, though, I have met and worked with people who I perceived as complicated, cold or difficult. But once I got to know them, ,pst weren't truly as I perceived them. A few have been, though, and these I avoid after making the best effort to do the right thing and reach out with good intent. In some cases, even if you genuinely care about a person, it's beyond you to help or change the situation for the better beyond just taking care of yourself and not exacerbating the problem.

Good luck! :hi:

[Nickster]

14. You said it much more eloquently than my attempt.

[Heidi]

15. Yeah, but you kicked my ass on succinctness.

:rofl:

:hug:

:loveya:

[Nickster]

16. LoL. Yeah, that's how I get pegged as being a meanie myself.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

12. On a daily basis. Several. Some worse than others.

It is not easy. I have learned to detach myself for my own emotional health.

[redqueen]

13. I think the majority of people who act like that

have some issue that they're not resolving, that they may not be conscious of or ready to address yet. I try to think about that, and act compassionately, and be as kind as possible.

[MrCoffee]

17. Not personally, but my co-workers do on a daily basis

[bif]

18. I worked for someone just like that

It was a freelance gig so it only lasted a couple months. Thank God. She was about the meanest, one-dimensional person I ever met. I know she didn't have a life out of work. And she treated everyone under her like shit. Never smiled. Never gave anyone a compliment. And couldn't make small talk if her life depended on it.

[RushIsRot]

19. Yes, my local VA doctor. I switched to one far away. This guy had

the personality of a bowl of cold oatmeal and always looked down his nose at me.

[mnhtnbb]

20. Do something nice for her--unexpectedly. Bring her coffee one morning.

Bring her some flowers from your garden. When she asks you why you did it, tell her "why not"?