I just wrote behind my father's back to his nurse about his pain control issues.

[Mike 03]

I hope I didn't do the wrong thing.

He has cancer and his pain is simply not being controlled. I saw him today. He is in pain. One of the promises I have wanted to make to him is that no matter how bad this gets, he will not experience pain, but he is in pain all the time.

Maybe he's too shy to tell his doctor/nurse, or maybe they are not being responsive enough. I don't blame anyone, but his situation is not good, but I know from researching this that his pain can be controlled.

So this afternoon I wrote to his primary nurse, without my parents' permission, and basically begged her to please help my father with pain control.

Then I wrote to my dad and begged him to forgive me for writing to her behind his back, but that I could not stand to see him suffering another moment.

I hope I did the right thing. I'm worried that this was wrong, but I simply cannot stand to see my Dad in this much pain. He won't tell them about it.

I hope he's not too pissed.

[Dystopian]

1. You're a good son.

You did the right thing X2. You notified his nurse, and then you let him know.
I know what you're going through.
We can't let our loved ones endure pain.
Best wishes, love and hope to you and your family...:hug:

peace~

[femmocrat]

2. Could you talk to his doctor?

The doctor could explain to you what he is prescribing and how your dad is responding. I'm not sure I understand why you are writing to everyone. Are you in a different city from your dad?

[LeftyFingerPop]

3. I'm going through similar issues now. You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing. n/t

[Systematic Chaos]

4. Doctors don't have fucking clue one about proper pain management.

Very large people, in general, need more pain meds than small or average-sized ones. I'm well over 6 feet and in the 400s so it just about takes a bucket of anything to kill my pain. Basically, I have a shoulder which has disintegrated, and I can barely move my left arm or do anything with it without getting hit with blinding bolts of pain, even in my sleep.

My regular doctor understands this, and is steadily increasing my dose of a pain patch every month until we get to where I'm fairly comfortable. That is in addition to oxycodone in pill form, which, since I'm not abusing it like Rush Limbaugh, I'm happy to say hasn't damaged my hearing... yet. However, due to my weight and a number of other circumstances (like the world's smallest and deepest veins), my legs are also in bad shape. With diet and what little exercise I can manage, I'm losing weight at a snail's pace and hope and pray that my problems will start to subside at least until I'm somewhat older. Anyhow, I've been hospitalized for this a few times recently to fight off infections and crap, and while I'm in the hospital I invariably end up with only a scant fraction of the pain medication my regular doctor has me on. One time, I had a doctor smart enough to put me on a dose of IV medication straight through my PICC line, and the stuff worked beautifully, but only for about 90 minutes and the damn doses were only every 3 hours in theory, and more like 4-5 hours with the damn nurses always being behind on everything. When you end up in a complete stupor not because you're on too much medication, but because you're on too little and can't even sleep anymore, that's a good sign you have a problem!

Where I'm going with this is that I understand it's a nightmare, even though my health issues are nowhere near as bad as your father's. So if he's hurting, he has the right to have that reduced as much as possible. If he's not willing to speak up for himself then you did the right thing! I can tell you love your dad, and I hope that the rest of his time here will be spent in minimal pain and with the knowledge and reassurance that you are there to love him and care for him.

I just read your posts saying that you may be gone for a while, so I don't even know if you'll read this. I think I'm going to just copy and paste it into a PM to you. I don't know you from Adam, but I'm sorry for your father and I hope your own situation will right itself and you'll be back soon. :hug:

[NYC_SKP]

5. These matters are not easy, you are doing the best you can.

I sympathize with you.

My dad is recovering from some very bad medications, coumadin, and I had to do his speaking for him, staying with him though the last hospital episode and meeting with every doctor, sometimes behind his back.

He's not happy with me but he's much better.

And his well being matters more to me than his approval.

Best wishes to you, Mike, I hope all is well for you both over these next days...

NYC_SKP

[auntAgonist]

6. you absolutely have done the right thing

I know this is hard for you. Your Father deserves only the best care, you're seeing to it that he gets it.

My thoughts are with you.

:hug:

aA