Things that television teaches us

[Bucky]

1. People hang onto jobs and always, after much maudlin soul-searching, pass up promotions and job transfers in order to

2. Most government agents are attractive and could probably get jobs as fashion models

3. Just about everyone has an evil twin, or at least an evil identical cousin with a different hair color

4. If you hug a troubled child long enough, they will cry and quit being troubled

[HopeHoops]

1. But the MOST important thing it teaches us - THERE IS AN OFF BUTTON!

[ghostsofgiants]

2. New York apartments are easily afforded by twenty-somethings with no real source of income.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

9. And New York is inexplicably all-white.

[ghostsofgiants]

14. Are we both just taking shots at Friends here?

:D

[Starbucks Anarchist]

19. Yes, and all the crap it spawned.

;)

[skygazer]

3. Even people with the worst jobs have nicer places than I'll ever have

Women always wear dresses and skirts.

No matter how many times you crash a car in a high-speed chase, it will not stall or quit.

Somehow people manage to have sex while wearing underwear.

[Deja Q]

6. There is a technical term for boinking with one's clothes on...

"Dry humping", "frottage", et cetera...

:hide:

[Crazy Dave]

12. And their kids all have designer clothes

[raccoon]

4. # 1----In order to what? nt

[raccoon]

5. Every time any two people have sex, it's always GREAT for both parties. nt

[Bertha Venation]

7. I could be a cop. I know all about policing.

[deucemagnet]

8. A blow to the head causes amnesia. Hilarity ensues.

A second blow to the head cures amnesia. Everything goes back to normal. Nobody suffers neurological damage due to repeated head trauma.

[flvegan]

10. Trying to juggle two dates for the same events will end poorly.

Unless they're, you know, "into" that kind of thing.

[TZ]

11. big fat obnoxious men

always have hot women for wives..:eyes:

[CreekDog]

13. The "Sitcom Diet"

1. always foisted on the man/husband
2. consists of meals of celery sticks, raw carrots and three or four peas
as Red Forman once said, "this isn't food, this is what food *eats*"
(please note that this is served while the rest of the family eats fried chicken) :eyes:
3. dieter is always stricken with hunger despite several bouts of cheating by eating multiple cheesburgers and milkshakes
4. dieter usually gains weight after all
5. writers probably were thin on ideas and stole from the "I Love Lucy" episode about the same concept (it was a clever idea at the time, now, not so much).

[NJmaverick]

15. That people can be knocked out for periods of 5-10 minutes (or so)

I have seen plent of head injuries but rarely someone that is unconscious for those periods of time (at least that didn't suffer brain damage or death).

[skygazer]

16. Dying people are always able to deliver touching last words

Then close their eyes and die peacefully.

Criminal cases are solved in the courtroom when clever attorneys badger witnesses into making confessions.

Structure fires always burn in such a way that the whole place is on fire but there is no smoke and the hero is able to carry on a ten minute fight with the bad guy inside the place.

There is always a parking place directly in front of the place you want to go, even in NYC.

[Oeditpus Rex]

17. Certain vehicles apparently have invisible ramps

that automatically deploy about a second before another vehicle is about to smash into them, causing the smashing vehicle to become airborne.



Said ramps, or some other unseen force, also apparently distort time, as the smashing vehicle proceeds very slowly once airborne.



This is known to teevee physicists as the General Lee Effect.

[mikeytherat]

18. Best "Dukes of Hazzard" effect (used weekly, multiple times):

General Lee, 50 feet in the air, rolled 45 degrees port and heading nose in, lands perfectly on all four wheels. I'd love to see the footage of all the real "landings."

mikey_the_rat

[LeftinOH]

20. All dining room tables have no chairs on one side...(always the same side, too)

[Bucky]

21. Sex is the reward for virtue

[rcrush]

22. If you gain mind reading superpowers of course you have to go save the world.

Rather than just go to Vegas and play poker.