Suspicious father...IS THIS ANYTHING????

[Cash_thatswhatiwant]

I'm home for the holidays and everything, and today, I asked my father if I could see his new phone. I just wanted to see his phone because it's new and I wanted to see how the layout and everything looked...HE FREAKED OUT! Kept saying I was being nosy and was trying to be like my mother (my mother who was previously suspicious I believe because he used to go out late at night and sometimes not even say where he went. He said if I continued to question him on why he was getting so irritated about me asking about his phone and why he wouldn't let me see it, he would REALLY get mad. Now I don't think this is normal, but is it? Was I being nosy and invading his privacy? I just figured it was just a phone. And for the record, HE ASKS TO BORROW MY PHONE ALL THE TIME WHEN HE'S GOING SOMEWHERE AND GETS MAD WHEN I WON'T LET HIM (because he just LOST his) . Also, not long ago,someone called for Joe (not my father's name), and I told him he had the wrong number. My father later borrowed my phone, and suspiciously there was no record that that person had called my phone.

He's stormed off to bed now, but I'm feeling really uneasy, almost NERVOUS.

my question is, is this me making something out of nothing?

Am I being unreasonably nosy or do you suspect something's up with him?

edit: also, unfortunately, he's developed this habit of saying 'what MAN blahblahbah...' when being asked something, such as not to mess up one of the rooms, 'what MAN doesn't get to blah blah blah'

or better yet, "I payed for this house" though my mother is really what made our house what it is. (if you've seen war of roses, kind of like that.)

[Redstone]

1. That's one situation that is just LOADED with fucked-upedness, right there. I'm sorry

to have to be the one to break the news to you, but there's a lot that is definitely not healthy happening in your family life.

Run, don't walk, to get some help.

Redstone

[Cash_thatswhatiwant]

3. The thing is...90% of the time he is really nice and gets along with me and everyone.

But when we ask him where he's been or ever ask to see his phone he gets SO MAD.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. Sounds fucked-up to me as well...

I think your Dad has something going on outside his marriage...

I'm sorry.

Redstone is right: get some help, some support...

[Cash_thatswhatiwant]

4. I have no idea what it can be. For the most part, he's a rational, normal person, at least

thats what it seems to me. It's just things like that he gets really angry about.

the sad thing about it is, he's a pastor of a church.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

6. Unfortunately, pastors aren't immune from straying from their vows.

He gets angry when you ask him where he's been...

Sounds to me as though he has something to hide, and he doesn't know how.

I would sure as hell not allow him to borrow your phone.

He should respect your boundaries.

Are you home from college?

[Cash_thatswhatiwant]

8. Yes, I am.

[FloridaJudy]

5. One wonders why

This guy hasn't discovered the "delete history" function on his phone. But I agree: this is not normal. Talk to someone.

[marimour]

7. so a guy called your phone?

That adds a whole new level to the situation b/c even if he gave a fake name to a woman for an affair why would he give it to a man? (not that there is anything wrong with that ) but it IS wrong when he is still married. It definitely sounds suspicious. I would do a little more detective work before you go to your mom with these suspicions. Try and get his phone away from him and check it for text messages, etc or look on your phone bill to get that number he erased. I'm sorry about your situation and hope it turns out to be nothing.

[Cash_thatswhatiwant]

9. I hope it turns out to be nothing too.

I'm wondering if its an affair...I kind of suspect its not.... or if it could be something else (drugs?) He definitely acts different.

I once overheard him let him slip that he smoked a joint, not that i'm totally against marijuana but it is very wrong when you are preaching and advocating against marijuana use.

yes, a guy called my phone asking for "joe." He later borrowed my phone and that number that called asking for "joe" was deleted after he borrowed.

it's kind of hard to get his phone since he's gone a lot of the time, and especially now since he will be trying to make sure i won't see it. or if i do see it, anything negative will be gone.

[Cash_thatswhatiwant]

10. Oh, my btw my mom has BEEN suspicious...I think the only reason she's staying with him

is because he pays for my tuition.

[Cash_thatswhatiwant]

11. Oh, my btw my mom has BEEN suspicious...I think the only reason she's staying with him

is because he pays for my tuition.

[MrSlayer]

12. Erasing the number from the phone does not erase it from the monthly statement.

You get a record of all incoming and outgoing calls.

[Wetzelbill]

13. yeah this sounds pretty fishy to me..

I don't know how bad or if it's bad or whatever but something is almost assuredly up.

[leftyclimber]

14. Almost sounds like drug dealing (or using).

I say "almost" because it may not be and as some stranger on the internet I have no business making that call.

Regardless, it sounds like some family counseling may be in order, assuming you can talk him into it.

Hang in there, and good luck.

[Cash_thatswhatiwant]

15. thank you. nt

[crispini]

16. yep. That's weird.

I'd check your statement for that number and do some followup.

[gmoney]

17. Devil's advocate: Presumed innocent?

MAYBE, just maybe, your mother is suspicious without any real reason, but is making your dad's life hell for it, and he feels your attempts to look at his phone are at her request.

Isn't this a civil liberties issue? Just because he's married and a pastor, does he NOT have a right to privacy, even if he's doing nothing wrong? Innocent until proven guilty?

The "if you have nothing to hide you have nothing to worry about" justification being used in this thread certainly wouldn't fly if it was W. wanting to look at his phone records.

Just sayin' -- most of what's been presented here is circumstantial and randomly inexplicable, yet it's being used to convict the guy of infidelity, drug use, etc.

Maybe he's secretly Jack Bauer, defending our nation from evil terrrists, and mom's getting just a little too close to his secret identity?

Maybe he's planning a big valentine's day getaway for your mom, or a surprise birthday party.

Maybe he's talking with his friends about how suspicious his wife is of him, and how she doesn't love him and is only using him to pay his daughter's tuition.

While you're at it, perhaps you should ask him to produce his real birth certificate to verify that he was NOT born in Kenya.

[Callalily]

18. Yes, I agree. A lot of unwarranted

accusations have been flung here. And we're only get one side of the story, so to speak.

He's a pastor. Could his wish for privacy be based on helping a parishioner(s) in confidence?

The possibilities are endless.

[hunter]

19. My wife occasionally takes confidential calls at home or on her cell phone.

But she doesn't make any big deal out of it. I know it's part of her job, and so do our kids, and we go out of our way to give her privacy. When the cell phone bill comes I'll glance over my kid's records, but I don't really look at who's calling my wife or who she's calling. Maybe if there was something hugely expensive I'd ask -- an eight hour call to Elbonia or something -- but it's never happened.

Then I shred the bill.

If I didn't trust her or she didn't trust me we'd make ourselves crazy and it would be indicative of some greater failure in our marriage. If I was Cash_thatswhatiwant I'd be very glad to be on my way out of that household and I wouldn't get anywhere near my dad's cellphone or pay any attention to calls he made on mine.

Not keeping one's distance in family situations like this only adds to the crazy.

[Cash_thatswhatiwant]

24. It's not like I was planning on snooping through his phone but

why is it that he GETS ANGRY if I don't let him use my phone, but when I ask to see HIS new phone (just to see how it looks or w/e) he BLOWS UP? No, it doesn't make sense.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

20. I don't care for people going through my phone, not that I am asked

but, I wouldn't like it. The rest of this sounds like so much blah.blah.blah. Overactive imagination with a dash of paranoia thrown in for good measure. Sorry. that is the way I see it. YMMV

[leeroysphitz]

21. I think you should start trying to eaves drop on his conversations.

You should DEFINITELY find a way to examine that new phone when he isn't around.
If I were you I might even convince some of my friends to follow him around and see where he goes.

It may seem a little creepy but just remember he is your father and, therefore, has no right to privacy.

:P

[Deep13]

22. He's either nuts or guilty of something he is hiding.

Frankly, I don't know which is worse.

[fizzgig]

23. i don't think it was out of line that you asked to look at the phone

i am assuming you had no intention of snooping through the phone. i also don't think it was wrong that your dad didn't want to let you look at it, but i think he handled it the wrong way.

it sounds like there might be something deeper going on with your father as far as trust issues go, but i can't speculate on what it is

[DS1]

25. Could be a technophobe

and is cranky about anyone touching anything that might break because of it. He might think you're a clown who does break everything you touch.


But it does sound like he's hiding something.