I think I may remain single : Other singletons please weigh in.

[Darth_Kitten]

I think I may have a reason for my increasing uneasiness over the last little while. Despite signing up for a few matchmakers, I think in all honesty, I want to remain single. (no wonder I'm putting them off a bit)

I don't think marriage will ever be for me. No, not because I can't attract a good man, or whatever, it's I love the freedom that comes with independence. I'm not a freak, rather a nice, generous, yet slightly loopy gal who doesn't think it would be fair to be in an exclusive relationship with one person. I have to also think about whether or not I want to bring another life onto this earth. 18 years of day to day responsibility.

There is so much I wish to do: more travel, get some acting jobs, study at university and write some books. I'm 40 now, and I haven't done everything I've wanted to do yet. The thought of my future seems promising to me, but I see myself alone. Not lonely. Just alone and open to anything.

Not saying I may never be in a committed relationship, etc. Who knows? Maybe my usual winter depression is setting in, but thinking of a single life somehow makes me LESS anxious. Am I fighting the inevitable?

:)

[rcrush]

1. Hell yeah

Why make yourself miserable?

[Tuesday Afternoon]

2. twice divorced, forever single

:thumbsup:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

3. My feeling is that

while I'd love to be "double," it's not at any cost. In other words, if someone utterly fantastically compatible came along, I'd say yes in a minute, but the fact is, most of the single men in my age group are messed up somehow or are looking for a housekeeper with benefits.

I don't care how "nice" a man is. If his world is limited to work and sports, if he thinks foreign food is scary, thinks the city and its darker-skinned inhabitants are scary, thinks that real men don't like the performing arts, has an emotional attachment to large vehicles, and has no thoughts that the mass media didn't put there, thanks but no thanks.

I'm too old to have kids, so if a man doesn't provide intellectual and emotional companionship, why bother?

[UrbScotty]

4. Singleton here.

Marriage is one of those things that's great for some people, not so great for others. Nothing wrong with being single.

The problem is when people try to hook up because they think being single is bad.

[buzzycrumbhunger]

5. It has its perks

I've got a friend in Austin who declared long ago that "nuthin' without fur or feathers will ever spend the night in my house" and she means it. She's not lacking in male attention and sex--just doesn't want to have to live her life entangled again. I have to admit the plan has some merit, but it does get lonesome rattling around by yourself ALL the time.

Having sacrificed my life to a bad marriage and despairing of ever getting it all back, it sounds to me like you shouldn't feel regrets. Better to live it as an adventure than someone else's ideal, right?

(And you really made me laugh at that "18 years" of responsibility, because they tend to bounce back a few times after that. . .)

[Darth_Kitten]

8. I'm on the fence about wanting a child.......

I'll really decide after a year or so, because it is a huge undertaking.......yeah, at least 18 years (LOL).....

I've already "outed" myself to my Mother ;) That maybe I just don't want to be married and have a child. I don't know, I'm really torn right now. Not that she was pressuring me, on the contrary.

My Mom once told us that when we were kids, my sister told her she was going to have 5 kids (she has 8, 6 naturally, 2 from her husband's last marriage) and I told her I wouldn't get married.
Maybe there is something to that?

I don't know.....but the bloodline won't die out, I have oodles of nieces and nephews. Maybe if I don't have a kid naturally, I'll adopt or become a Big Sister, or donate to charities that help underprivileged or abused kids, God knows there are only too many of those poor little kids. :(
It just seems so overwhelming thinking of the day to day responsibility of caring for a child for the next (at least! haha) 18 years. :)

[buzzycrumbhunger]

11. "On the fence"

doesn't sound like you should dive right in. You pretty much have to set yourself aside for a couple decades and live totally for them. It's something I think you should reallyreallyreally be moved to do (damned hormones). I would never go back and undo mine because they're extremely cool people, but in retrospect I'm mortified at how much I sacrificed for them--and they won't even appreciate any of that unless they have kids themselves. It's pretty much a thankless job, except karmically, and kids have as much potential to break your heart as to overwhelm you with their wonderfulness--maybe even more so, once you factor in stubbornness, illness, death, injury, and skipping school for most of 10th grade. :eyes:

I don't think it's possible to ever "have it all" and the worst thing feminism ever did to us was to create that superwoman myth. Much better to pick a path and do it well than to try to cram it all in there and burn yourself out early. Didn't even occur to me I could opt not to marry, but as I've made more and more friends who chose not to and/or chose not to have kids, it seems they have an awful lot to envy. I don't think contributing to the gene pool is necessarily the most important thing you can do--especially as your sister seems to have taken up the slack. Maybe those kids need a crazy, globe-trotting femme fatale of an aunt to look up to as an alternate choice, huh?

[NashVegas]

6. My Experience

Is that when it comes to saying, "I don't ever want to marry," it's really easy to use 'desire for independence' as a great way of not confronting various demons that make it impossible to take real emotional risks.

[kayakjohnny]

18. Very well said. Yes quite true, I think. That's wise of you.

[Radical Activist]

7. More and more I feel that

the stress and anxiety of relationships I will inevitably fuck up anyway is more trouble than it's worth. There are many ways to find happiness and I've always led an independent life.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

9. I'm kind of half ass

looking for a potential gf on some of the internet sites available. However, when I really think about it, I may really be looking only for a friend with 'benefits' :)
Being in a relationship, done right, is very hard and so adult. Not sure that is really my style.
I'm becoming aware of the kind of person I am and I don't see me changing. As Popeye would put it; "I yam who I yam and that's all that I yam' :toast:

[deucemagnet]

10. Most likely single for life, here!

Trying to find a mate through dating sucks, and I'm just not going to do it anymore. I'm not saying I'll never go out on a date ever again in my life, but if I do, it will be with somebody I want to be on a date with, and not with somebody I barely know to "see how it goes". Thus, I'm probably single for life!

[redqueen]

12. I used to feel that way when I was younger.

I always wanted children but I thought I would just adopt them and stay single, because the romantic relationships I grew up around were toxic and horrible.

But now I'd like to have someone special in my life. I think having a relationship like that allows you to grow in ways you might not if you were on your own. That doesn't mean I think it's likely though. In fact I think the chances are nil, so... I'm fairly certain I'll be single for life whether I want to be or not. There are worse things. :)

[NV Whino]

13. Never been married

and probably never will be. I like if fine.

[prole_for_peace]

14. I have been in a relationship with my SO for 14 years

we just bought a house together in April and are living together for the first time. And we have no intention of getting married. As far as we are concerned if it isn't broke don't fix it...

[Critters2]

25. You're not single, though. Not really. nt

[Genevieve]

28. Not single.

[harmonicon]

15. whether I like it or not, I'll be single for a long time

I thought I was going to be in a couple for the rest of my life, but that's gone....

There are two women that I'm madly in love with. One of them won't have anything to do with me anymore, and the other is off limits. Life sucks.

I have no interest in "dating". I've never been able to do it.... besides, I live such an incredibly weird life and am such an odd person that finding someone who could tolerate me and that I could actually relate to is virtually impossible. I'm only getting older and more fixed in my ways.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_kX3QXRW9o

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

16. Single and happy.

Divorced, actually, for quite a long time. I don't imagine I'll remarry and I'm just fiine with that -- I'm too old, ornery and set in my ways. And I like not having to account to anybody for what I want to do or where I want to go, or clean up my stuff...

[kayakjohnny]

17. Single and very happy . I seem to go back and forth over the years.

2 or 3 years on average with someone, 2 or 3 without. It's a rythymic pattern I've gotten quite used to. I'm pretty cool with it all. Have met some of the most wonderful women I could ever hope to and have very little regret.

They all seem to think I'm too independent and that I don't 'need' them. Not sure if true, but that's been the preception.

Here's the good part...I'm still friends with so many of them. See them, hear from them, love them dearly to this day. Maybe that's my lot in life. I've been so blessed in many other areas, I can't complain about my romantic life at all.

I think I would to well with a foreign woman. Either European or definately South American.

I'm a minimalist and that doesn't sit well with most American women, unfortunately.

[FarLeftRage]

19. I am single.... for too long

Was in a relationship, that went nowhere.

Now, I am beginning to think that I'll be single for the rest of my life... and I don't want to be.

[lizerdbits]

20. Future old lady with 20 cats here

and that's fine with me. I'm sort of loner-ish so I don't think having someone live with me would work out. I was sick of dating in my 20's since it seems that most guys wanted kids and I didn't. I'm 34 and think I might be interested in dating again around 45 but probably not marriage. Now the unit next to me is for sale, so if someone moved in who I hit if off with it could work out. Or maybe the unit down the street, that might be better.

[TK421]

21. I love being single....I like the fact that nobody else is clinging to me for

anything and vice-versa...

I just love being independent, so stick with it if it makes you feel good!

[evlbstrd]

22. I was thinking the same thing.

But I just met the most amazing woman.

[Skittles]

23. SINGLE!!

LOVE IT!!

[Critters2]

24. I sometimes think that the only reason I'm unhappy being single

is the social expectations. That, and fearing being alone in my old age, when I really may need the help of others. Other than that, I'm okay being single.

[applegrove]

26. Singleton here. I need time to download every day. I couldn't possibly handle

a relationship unless that someone was very independant too. And since I'm not going to be in a relationship...I can't have children. I wouldn't bring a child into this world without a strong partner. So there I am.

Have you read Party of One? Was a great book.

[DarkTirade]

27. Been single for quite some time.

Despite the stereotypes about 20something bi men, I don't really do 'casual', and I'm damn picky about my serious partners.