update on my husband told me he wanted a divorce on the cell phone

[buckettgirl]

I haven't been here in a few weeks... it has been interesting, freeing, entertaining, and emotional.

So, on the 1st, my husband left for work and told me he loved me and would see me in the morning (nothing wrong, no fights, nothing) and 20 minutes later called me to tell me that he wanted a divorce...

Well, On the 2nd, after I came home from work, I packed my stuff and my cats and my puppy and left - went to my parents house (which is in a different town)

My puppy, Beaker the Bichon, had to go back to the humane society cuz I couldn't take care of him by myself - he was so adorable and had so much energy - I miss him! But I saw it as my husband abandoned the pets - when i took them, my husband was no where to be found and didn't come back to the house for like 3 days... he had no way of knowing if i took them or not. I didn't trust him to take care of Beaker at all so I didn't give him a choice - and he never argued about it. It only took 2 days for Beaker to be adopted. It is bittersweet.

On the 4th, I had a major screaming fest with my husband - OMG it was awesome, I yelled and screamed like I had NEVER done before... I never COULD before. I said things that I had pent up for 8 years. God it felt good! My counselor was happy I did it, she said it was therapeutic LOL

On the 6th, I moved my furniture and household items that I don't currently need to a storage unit.
Since I'm in the parents basement, I don't need much.

I had all the house bills that were in my name changed to my husband's name, which was all the utilities and the cell phone. Bank accounts are separate too now.

I went to see a lawyer on the 17th... and my divorce was filed yesterday. My husband admitted that he never intended to even see an attorney... It just seems inherently wrong that 8 years adds up to nothing and can be so easily wiped away.

He is still trying to control me, and actually held some of my clothes hostage that I couldn't get right away... which is actually kinda funny ... but still. I got them back. He is still trying to demand things of me; he wants the keys to the house - which I won't give until my name is off the title; until then it is still my home, even if I am not staying there. He makes vague threats (not physical), and still frequently text messages me... I just ignore him, unless there is something of the divorce that needs to be discussed.

I have since found out from my former co-workers at the nursing home that I worked at, that one of the CNAs there is the WHO in all this... I knew my husband wouldn't have been saying such things if he didn't have someone else on the side because he Needs to be taken care of. This CNA is a cousin to a mutual friend of my husband and me; so I was acquainted with her outside of work too. Apparently this has been going on since July. Which makes sense... I had said before I found out about "her" that things had been REALLY bad for about 4 months. This gal is ugly and dumber than a box of rocks - I HATED being her charge nurse because she was so ungodly dumb and slow...she was a burden to my nursing license. And then to find out that she had the nerve to try to be buddy buddy with me at work knowing all this was going on behind my back. That gets me.

My husband still denies ever cheating EVER. Even though his girlfriend is the one doing all the talking and taking credit for "stealing" him... I told my friends that the joke is on her - she has NO CLUE what she is getting into. He has serious mental health issues that need to be addressed. And she didn't STEAL anything... my marriage had been over for years, I just stayed because I had no real tangible reason not to stay, no proof of any wrongdoing.

I am so glad to be free. I don't think there is anything worse than being married but still being alone. Now I am free to correct that. And that, my friends, is whole other story for another time.

[DarkTirade]

1. Glad you're holding up okay.

Even when they're a long time coming, they're still rarely easy. :hug:

[Kat45]

2. Wow! You've been through a lot in the past month!

But it sounds like it's for the best and you sound like you have your act together pretty well considering. Just be sure you get your name off the title of the house, so you won't be liable for any shit that will screw things up for you. (I'm particularly thinking financial, property tax bills, liability, etc.) Now you can start the rest of your life.

[buckettgirl]

3. I have temporary orders

He is ordered by the court to make all mortgage, insurance, and property tax payments on that damn house. ANd to maintain health insurance for me (its only $75 every two weeks for the both of us, so not expensive)

My name is not on the mortgage. THANK GOD.

Come December 22nd, he will ask me if I will pay a part of the first half of property taxes... to which I will reply: READ YOUR ORDERS!

He has already trashed the house. He also letting a friend of ours move in, supposedly to help with bills, cuz he can't afford the house without me (which it is a rather modest home, 3 bdrm ranch $65000)... but this friend won't pay him anything.. I can see it coming and all I can do is laugh. This is what he wanted, then he can have it.

I just want to be totally free... I never wanted to live in that god-forsaken town to begin with but agreed because he wanted to and I didn't want to fight.

[ThomCat]

4. It sounds like you're coming out of this okay.

I'm very sorry you couldn't keep the dog. I hope he is doing well in his new home.

I hope you rebuild a much better life now without your ex. Be well. :hug:

[MadMaddie]

5. It sounds like you were ready for this

And it sounds like you are adjusting well.

I am sorry that it was traumatic but it looks like you are the one that will benefit the most.

Stay strong!

[TimeChaser]

6. And I thought it was bad when my fiancee dumped me over the phone

:hug:
I know what it's like to be in a relationship with someone who has un-addressed mental health problems, and I'm glad you're out of it. I'm also glad that you're glad to be out of it, if that makes any sense.

[Connonym]

7. I'm really proud of you

I remember when you first posted. I'm so glad you took matters into your own hands to make sure that he didn't take further advantage of you. I'm really sorry about your dog, I imagine that was the hardest part. I hope your future continues to get brighter and brighter.

[applegrove]

8. You seem to be looking forward to all the changes that will come with a divorce. To think you could

have spent your whole life that way. Now you are free to start again. And they say people do better the more relationships they have. You get closer to the exact person who is right for you. Good luck. Sounds like you have a good head on your sholders.

[BeachBaby]

9. Yay for you!!!!

You stood up for yourself and decided that you deserve much better - it's unfortunate that too many people stay in stagnant or codependent relationships because they're afraid of being alone. They're missing the boat, imho.

Kudos! I think you're gonna be just fine. :hug:

[Arugula Latte]

10. Congratulations!

You are strong and handling this so well. You should be proud! :toast:

You will have better days ahead of you, that is for sure.