Fucking Bitch.

[LeftyFingerPop]

No need to respond to this....I just need an outlet.

I woke up a few minutes ago at 5 am...sobbing. And shaking. Checked my blood sugar. It was 43. That is hella low. I guess that is what tight control gets you. So I'm sitting here sucking on glucose tabs.

I don't think that is what was causing me to sob. It's this goddamn arm. It hurts so bad, that it is no longer my arm. My arm is now re-named to "fucking bitch". I was on the Vicodin train earlier, and feeling blissful, but now those have worn off. Lyrica stopped working, Vicodan wears off. I don't see a way around the back surgery.

Couple of problems though....I have to quit smoking for 6 months first. That means that I will put on about 650 pounds like I did the last time. The doctor says...don't worry, the weight gain won't be bad. Fuck you, yes it will be. I put on 40 pounds last time, even after exercising like a bastard. Didn't lose some of that weight until I started smoking again.

In addition, I have funny luck. Not only will the surgery go wrong, but it will go horribly wrong. I can just envision the encounter with the doctor in the recovery room:

Me: How did the surgery go?
Doc: Well, there was a problem.
Me: There was?
Doc: I'm very sorry.
Me: What happened?
Doc: I operated on the wrong area. There was a mix-up in the paperwork.
Me: What happened?
Doc: I removed your testicles.
Me: What?
Doc: I removed your testicles.
Me: Was there something wrong with them?
Doc: No, they were fine.
Me: Why did you remove them?
Doc: There was a mistake in the paperwork.
Me: Did you operate on my back too?
Doc: No.
Me: Why?
Doc: Because the paperwork mistakenly said to remove your healthy testicles instead.
Me: Sobs uncontrollably.
Doc: Pats my hand and says,,,Don't worry. We are giving you a coupon for a free coffee in the hospital gift shop.

Fucking bitch.

[Tom Kitten]

1. Are you serious?

Or are you just crying wolf again? Are you really as bad off as you claim you are? I'm serious...

[LeftyFingerPop]

2. Crying wolf?

When do I cry wolf unless it is on a post so fucking goofy that most anyone would recognize it as being an attempt at humor?

This is a serious post.

[RandomThoughts]

3. I hope you feel better soon.

Its not fun to be in pain.

God Bless you philboy.

[LeftyFingerPop]

5. God Bless you also, and thank you.

I;ll be fine...just a little grumpy right now. :D

[Tom Kitten]

9. SO?

You know I like you and have my total EMPATHY, once I know you are really GODDAMM SERIOUS!

[LeftyFingerPop]

12. Yes, I know....and thank you.

and, I'm hardly ever serious, so I can see why it may be hard to tell. :D

[Heidi]

4. Crap.

I'm sorry you're facing all this, philboy. Lighting a candle for you. :hug: :hug:

:pals:

[LeftyFingerPop]

6. Thank you Heidi....

I'll be fine...just blowing off steam. Frustrated more than anything.

Looking at your artwork thread...wonderful as always!

:hug: :pals:

[ccharles000]

7. ...

:hug:

[LeftyFingerPop]

8. ...

thanks ccharles :hug:

[Deja Q]

10. Best wishes to you.

:hug:

[LeftyFingerPop]

11. Thanks Hypno...

:hug:

[harmonicon]

13. good luck, man

I have to call a friend of mine tonight who went under the knife this week. The surgery was on Thursday, but he said he probably wouldn't be awake enough to talk until today. He's been on loads of drugs and pain meds for years, and said that stopping that shit was worth having organs removed - yeah, serious surgery. I hope you don't have to deal with the same.

[LeftyFingerPop]

14. I wish your friend well...

I really hope he is doing better.

I have four bad disks, so they would replace them...no organs removed though.

[lightningandsnow]

15. Hope you feel better really soon.

Wishing you the best.

:hug:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

16. philboy

:hug:

I fucking hate diabetes x( fucking hate it :grr:

no. I don't have it but, I know the havoc it wreaks on the body.

[Dystopian]

17. So sorry...

I can really empathize...chronic pain is maddening. Have you ever taken Tramadol? Please consider it if you haven't. I almost had to have surgery, but with months of PT, thankfully avoided it.

I hear you.... Hope things get better.:hug:

peace~

[mopinko]

18. just get the surgery. get it over with.

my arm was that fucking bitch for 6 months last year. i had 2 discs removed. i couldn't wait to get it done. i was so happy it was over.

in the meantime, my sympathies. nothing really helps that type of pain. vics help for a while, but unless you take them every couple of hours, they don't really stop it.
beside, if you stop smoking now, and you are like i was then, you will be too out of it to eat. i lost 20 pounds in 6 months.

[Kajsa]

19. Chronic, acute pain IS a bitch, philboy.

Been there, done that,
have it.

Hang in there, and please,please
consider all options before back
surgery.

:hug:

[kedrys]

20. Bummer.

Hope you start feeling better soon...! :hug:

[DainBramaged]

21. I wish I could make it go away, but I can only say I understand

Popped 60 lbs after my brain tumor surgery thanks to the steroids. Got about 25 to go before I'm back to normal. But then again, when I woke up and I was blind in one eye, I guess that put a damper on still being alive. I hope things improve, and I will sending good vibes to you. :hug:

[LeftyFingerPop]

22. Thank you all for your well wishes...

and I wish you all well too. :hug: