It really just never ends...They want to put my Mom in a nursing home

[bicentennial_baby]

For good. She needs 24 hour care. I'm really at a loss for words right now.

Sigh.

x(

[Midlodemocrat]

1. I know that is probably the last thing you wanted to hear

but it is probably for the best.

Do you want me to look into some homes for you? I can get you the CMS rating if you want.

And, I'm sorry. When that day came for us, it was very, very hard.

:hug:

[Tektonik]

4. I agree with this; the quality of nursing homes varies so much, it's saddening

Unluckily my grandma was placed into one that wasn't quite so great. :(

[Midlodemocrat]

5. I'm sorry. My dad was actually in a wonderful one.

We were very lucky.

Of course, being married to someone who knows CMS inside and out certainly didn't hurt. That's why I like to let it known here that if anyone needs help with this, I can help.

[bicentennial_baby]

7. I don't even know how we will pay for it...

Her insurance under my Dad's plan won't cover it, I think. I'm freaking out.

[Tektonik]

8. Does your mom get any help from the state due to her conditions?

God I hate medical insurance :(.

[bicentennial_baby]

10. No...

I have no idea what we're going to do.

[Tektonik]

11. My grandma got money from SSI, and

that covered a good chunk of money, but yeah our family had to pay a lot of money for lots of different things especially before she was placed into a home and she stayed with us in our house.

[Blue Diadem]

12. My Mom's insurance paid something like 100 days

and then she had to go on medicaid. That was over 10 yrs ago, and even then the DON told us that was one of the best insurance policies she'd seen. Most only covered 30 days.

[Midlodemocrat]

14. Okay. It's going to be fine, trust me.

Is she on Medicare? Is she eligible for Medicare? If so, the state will pay the first 100 days.

You will need to get a social worker in your mom's town. NOT THE ONE AT THE HOSPITAL.

Even though assets have to be transferred three years prior to prevent them from being included in Medicaid, the swift onset of this illness might be a loophole.

I'll talk to Mr. and PM you.

If you've still got my #, call me. I'm at my desk.

[bicentennial_baby]

15. I can't really talk right now, I'm crying so hard...

Waiting for Sniffa to get here.

Thanks for your help. :hug:

[Midlodemocrat]

17. Okay. When you're able to.

:hug:

It will work out. You and your brother are NOT responsible for paying for her.

[billyskank]

2. Oh honey...

:hug:

[Shakespeare]

3. Oh, sweetie. That's tough.

No words; I know you weren't expecting this so soon.

:hug: :hug: :hug:


:loveya:

[BarenakedLady]

6. I'm so sorry.

:hug:

[malta blue]

9. I am so sorry

:hug::hug:

[Inchworm]

13. Sorry BB

:(

:hug:

[MissMillie]

16. I know nothing about any of this stuff

but if I can help, let me know.

(Even if it's just to take you out for a good tall drink....)

[Lady-Damai]

18. Why not just give her 24 hour home care services? n/t

[Midlodemocrat]

20. Well, when our family did that, it topped out at $9,000 a month

Kind of hard to keep up if you want your kids to have a future of any kind.

[Lady-Damai]

23. Wow...sorry....

How about hiring someone off the books?

[Midlodemocrat]

29. Not doable.

[redqueen]

19. Oh honey...

we went through this with my grandma... I'm so sorry.

:hug:

[ThomCat]

21. I am very sorry.

:(

I know how hard that is. It's agonizing for everyone except for any family members who are effectively washing their hands of responsibility. I hope you don't have any of those in your family. :(

If you can find a really good nursing home, and if you can spend good amounts of time there, then it's not so bad. :)

It's far better that she get the care she needs than that she doesn't.

Hell, I may end up in a nursing home at some point soon. If so, I hope I find a good one, and I hope my friends will come to visit.

I hope this works out for the best for your mom, and for you. I will be thinking good thoughts for both of you. :hug:

[bicentennial_baby]

22. Oh, my brother and i are the only ones who care

Well, my Dad, of course, but he's in the hospital for the past 11 months.

My sister and everyone else went MIA once Mom got sick. It's just me and my brother. Been that way for over a year now.

Thanks :hug:

[KamaAina]

25. No you will not so stop saying that!

Hell, I may end up in a nursing home at some point soon.

See #24 below! Of course, you've already dealt with your center. Are they being helpful in any way at all? (the quality of services does tend to vary between centers)

[ThomCat]

28. The Center for Independent Living out here

is repeatedly striking me as less than useful. And I'm hearing from other people that they avoid the place. :(

It's a shame too, because the center I know in Buffalo is a big hub that does quite a bit.

But I'm still making connections, so we'll see if I can connect with people who can be helpful. It just hasn't happened yet.

[KamaAina]

24. Aha! Now we have entered my area of expertise.

Best practice increasingly involves home health care aides ("home and community-based supports") rather than soulless, impersonal nursing homes.

Western Mass. is a fairly big center in disability rights, so there should probably be some people out there who can help. A place to start is the Center for Independent Living, the similar agency to the one in which I'm sitting. Amherst and Pittsfield each have one. She will be in one or the other's service area, not both, depending on where exactly she is.

Amherst: http://www.stavros.org

Pittsfield: http://www.adlibcil.org

Not at all surprisingly, the Amherst center has a more extensive webbsite.

Out here, a well-known artist lived with ALS, at home, until just recently.

http://www.starbulletin.com/news/20081120_peggy_chun_dies_at_62.html

:cry:

[guitar man]

26. God bless you

:hug:

I know how you feel. We had to give up and put my Mom in one last year finally. We just didn't have the resources to continue to care for her and she just kept getting worse. We lucked out when my brother found a very nice facility close by that would take her for what she was getting from Social Security. It's a not-for-profit faith based facility and it puts the for-profit facilities we looked at to shame.

[Danger Mouse]

27. I know how you feel.

My dad is in a nursing home as well.

[buddhamama]

30. i'm sorry.

when you are able begin looking into SSI, Medicaid. take care. :hug:

[mnhtnbb]

31. It's a tough decision, bi baby. Been there. First it was my mom when dad was still

able to get around. Then he came out of a surgery for a hernia repair with a post-op dementia
and had to go in a locked unit (fortunately there was one at the same place where mom was). Then mom
died and I moved dad here to NC from CA where they'd been, without family support at their insistence.
Put him in one very nice home--even though it was secured--and he started falling. Out of there into
one recommended by his physician. He had very good care after that, even though his room was small.
At least you have one sibling to help. My brother never once came to visit dad here in NC--over a year and a half--and I'm still pissed at him for that.

Be prepared for some tough times. Be sure to take care of yourself.

:hug:

[Gormy Cuss]

32. I'm so sorry, bi_baby.

It is very hard news to hear. :hug:

There are good homes and there probably are ways to pay for the care. I know that Midlo will help you as much as she can. I hope that it works out well.

[mopinko]

33. my mom was in a good one. nuns.

she was a life long catholic, and there is a great one run by the nuns out where she lived. they were great to her, and to us.
but it really is better to do it sooner than later. the more aware she is, the less confused she will be. i know the money thing is part of the equation, tho.

take care, kiddo.