Living an ordinary life

[Nikia]

My best friend was all depressed about having such a horrible life the other day. It is horrible for him because he does not have enough money to do anything exciting since he has some financial problems and he feels stuck in a job that gets him no where. Without a college education, he feels that it is impossible for him to get ahead and he feels taken advantage of in this and previous jobs because he is very bright, is an excellent leader, and contributes a lot to the company but does not get anything for it. He wants to be a good husband and father and therefore does not want to take a job that would require work on an off shift or taking another job or training program (It was a real problem for his family life when he worked second shift 12 hour shifts). Unfortunately, I could not be too much help because I often feel the same way. I too feel like that I am in a dead end job. I cannot seem to find a better job. I am in a slightly better financial situation than him but not so much that I could go on a really nice vacation or afford to do a lot of meaningful things on a regular basis. I was always told that I was so smart and had so much potential, but it doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere either. I told him that we should stop being so selfish and arrogant. Most people live ordinary lives. What gave us the idea that we are not good enough and are faliures if we live like most people?
Does anyone else have that problem and is it a problem? Should we accpet our ordinary lives or does it mean that we are suppose to continue striving for something more to fully realize our potentials? Is accepting mediocrity good or is it a waste?

[XanaDUer]

1. In America,

it seems that, unless one is rich and famous, you are considered a failure, not an average person.

The cult of personality.

[Iris]

2. yes, I was just thinking that today while listening to a DJ

gush on and on about how much fun she was having at some mall. I thought to myself, now that woman was one of those girls who must've really loved being at the mall all day and she never grew out of it.

Me, I hate the mall. But if I tell someone I want to be a reference librarian in a major university, they look at me like I a said I want to stuff envelopes for the rest of my life. Radio career vs. academic career. Well, of course to the average person the DJ is more successful because just look at the difference in salaries!!!

It's a really sad world when you can't just make an ordinary living and be happy. The key, though, is to learn to be happy with your own life and not care what anyone else thinks.

BTW - how old are our friend's kids? I don't think there is any harm in an entire family sacrificing so a parent to take a year or two to get some training as long as everyone is old enough to understand, and everyone sees it as a common goal for the good of the family. I work part-time in a writing lab and have met a lot of people who have pre-teens and teenagers who are very supportive of their parents going back to school. Many of the teenagers will even go to the library with their parents to help them do research.

[Nikia]

6. The kids

His daughters are 8 and 12 years old and very bright and good kids. Their parents hope that they will go to college had have successful careers. I personally think that him getting training would set a good example for them. I think that they are old enough to not be so parent dependent. His wife, though, only works part time, despite their financial situation, and is concerned about the kids being home alone any time. Perhaps, this will change in a couple of years.

[Iris]

8. yes. I think watching a parent go back to school

would be a good example for the kids.

When I was 12, I babysat for my infant sister and at 13, I was babysitting a 2 and 4 yr. old.

[Bushfire]

11. He sounds pretty rich to me

having a wife with two smart & bright kids. In a couple years he may feel more comfortable taking night classes. If he has a home pc, he could train at home for an A+ certification to fix pcs if he's a hands on type of person. That could get him a better paying job as a help desk person, or setting up cable modems in homes for say Time Warner who seems to be hiring. Just a thought.

[ForrestGump]

3. Life is what you make it

It's a cliché, sure, but some clichés are clichés simply because they're so true. And I think that this particular cliché is uttered more than it is lived.

So if you were to define 'ordinary,' how would you define it? By definition, it implies an average and that means that there's some scale against which you'd measure the worth of your own life, at least in terms of its intrinsic potential to make you feel happy and fulfilled. Take a look at some globetrotting megastar or 'beautiful person' - oh, they have it all, but are they happy? Maybe, but maybe not.

It's easy to say, perhaps, but I've experienced this truth myself (and I'm sure that I'm far from the only hereabouts to have done that): even the most mundane jobs, the most stiflingly dull tasks, and the most routine and humdrum of existences can be filled with wonder. No - that's not quite right - they already are filled with wonder....you've just got to find it. The fact that you're alive, and sending your thoughts out to the world at some incredible speed is, itself, the confluence of a couple of major miracles that you probably take for granted. Want to go on safari in Africa but can't just yet afford it? Hell, go to the nearest park and look at the insects, or the squirrels, or whatever, and you'll find the same behaviors and the same intricate web of life that you'd find on the savanna. And no tsetse flies, either.

Life is largely what you think it is. And if you think it is going nowhere, then it will most assuredly go exactly there. We all have our 'down' times, no matter how exciting our lives may or may not appear to others, but we also have the power to explore our own lives for its considerable riches. Think positive and positive things tend to happen.

Hang in there....go to the park and watch ants go about their business....please do anything but just accept less than you're capable of having and being.

[Deja Q]

5. I say the same comment -

ABOUT SOCIETY.

Society romanticizes everything for tv and film but does nothing to change itself in real life where it counts.

And it's society the influences the individual.

[Deja Q]

4. My life is ordinary right now and I don't mind

I'm just damn paranoid that I'll lose my job in a layoff because of all the thoughtless things my department head has been doing (promoting people, one who doesn't deserve it and another who was too new, amongst any number of dumb moves which have alienated the entire department against her). That's why I don't attend staff meetings, I'm terrified I'll break down there and then.

I like my life and am trying to do more to survive and life up to my potential, but people are trying to take it away and I'm not in a financial position where I'd survive. Any jobs that do exist pay less than what I currently make and/or require a bunch of needless degrees, corporate america is not only devaluing IT they want to take advantage of workers for every penny possible. And if the banking industry changes the bankruptcy laws to their favor, then I'd rather die than pay them back for stuff they've taken away from me, mark my words on that.

[On the Road]

7. If Someone Does Not Keep Pace With His Companions

perhaps he is marching to the beat of a different drummer.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

9. Don't think that a college degree will help

I have two, and have been deemed "overqualified" for so many jobs it's silly. I quit teaching because when I moved to AR I found out that you had to be related to someone on the school board to get a job (no wonder this state is ranked 49th in education!). I'm working for the princely sum of $7.50 an hour as a part-time office manager.

But I don't feel like I'm in a rut. You and your friend can think yourself out of your rut. You've got families-invest time in them, going to parks, libraries, etc. Volunteer, even if it's only an hour a week, for a cause you believe in. And for heaven's sake, don't buy into the God of Materialism whose mantra is that you are what you purchase. Don't know if you're a spiritual person or not, but that's another way to find true richness in your life, whether it's Pagan, Native American, mainstream religions, or humanism. The richest people I've ever met didn't have very much money or things. It was what came from inside that counted.

[sasquatch]

10. There is no "Ordinary Life" if you think about it

You do what you want and the best you can and others don't like it you tell them to Bite Your Ass.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

12. I had to think before I answered this one, so here goes

Potential. I have heard I have it my whole life, and that I was not living up to it. Who says I have to? And why should anyone else care? If it is my potential, then it is mine to squander or use as I see fit. I could not care less what other people think about that, or me for that matter.
I refuse to kowtow to the advertiser's ideas of what "normal" is. It is like nailing jello to a wall anyway, they will always move it again.
The most important thing we do is raise our children. I am trying to raise my girls so they are even more free-thinking than me or my wife. If I succeed in that just a little bit, I feel my potential has been reached.
Perhaps if I had tried to "reach my potential" earlier in life I would not be where I am. Then I would have wasted my potential for what? A teacher's ego? A coach's gratification? The delight of parents and others? What do those things mean in the long run? Nothing.
My girls will endure and keep memories of me.
That is what matters.

[nuxvomica]

13. I admire your friend for making sacrifices to raise his children

To me it is no ordinary feat to raise children properly in this world. Many people, like me, never do so; many do it very badly. I envy his life in that way and he would probably envy mine for other reasons.
If he has been true to himself and what he thinks is the right thing to do, he won't ever look back on his life as ordinary. It's good to worry a little about it, though. That's just ambition.