Okay, here's what I'm beating myself up over tonight.

[Critters2]

When I'm on a "God, I hate myself" binge, I see no need why others shouldn't join in the fun.

I did a wedding this afternoon. It went well enough, but at the end, where it's traditional to introduce the couple ("Ladies and gentleman, John and Susan Soand-So"...applause) I just forgot to do it. I did the benediction and then just told them they could kiss. The congregation applauded, and everyone said afterwards that it was a beautiful ceremony, but I feel like I screwed up. And I will for days. This is what I do.

So, if you'll allow me...:banghead:

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

1. OH MY GOD... you forgot to do that?

What are you? Some sort of Godless Commie? Trying to ruin people's lives?




Oh, who cares? Did the schumcks get married? Did people get drunk and make fools of themselves?


Give yourself a break.

[Critters2]

3. Yes, on all counts. Well, they were in the process of getting drunk

and making fools of themselves when I left. And yes, they're married. I just dropped the license in the mail to the county clerk.

Thank you!

[FloridaJudy]

2. Honestly, no one will ever know

Everyone had a good time, and no one got hurt. That's what's important.

So leave the whips and chains in the closet...unless you're into that, in which case - enjoy!

[Critters2]

4. Thanks. It's what I do. nt

[NightWatcher]

5. I hate to break it to you, but they probably paid you no attention anyway

They were all oohing and aahhhing over the bride and her dress......

As long as you got em together and made it legal, it was fine.

[Critters2]

6. That's true. I often complain about how the service is really just a prelude

to the reception. Probably true this time, too.

[NightWatcher]

7. was there alcohol at the reception? if so, you're fine

[Critters2]

11. Yeah, there was.

:)

[quakerboy]

20. heh

I solved that by having the reception before the wedding.

[Rabrrrrrr]

8. All they care about is whether you cut into their drinking time with all that damn "god talk"

blah blah blah.

Since you skipped a step, they got to the reception earlier so they could finish the drunk they started a few hours before the wedding service and ensure that by the time they got to the honeymoon suite he had such a raging case of whisky dick that he's gonna be flaccid for a week, which is just fine, because she probably puked on him anyway and ruined her $5,000 wedding gown which she'll never admit to anyone but which she'll insist she keep because, God knows, in 70 years she is SURELY still going to fit into it and, wow, this was just the happiest fucking day of her life, and she'll never realize how truly pathetic it is have the highest day of your life happen 20% into it and they're gonna get divorced in 8 years anyway after her hips go huge and his tummy goes bulge and they both realize they only married for lust and the opportunity for mega-prizes and they liked to fuck but now they don't, so who fucking cares?

If it were up to me, the pastor should just have the couple come into the office, sign the fucking paper, use the secretary as the witness, and throw it back at 'em without ever even looking up to see who's getting married.

Now, if it were one of those rare one in a hundred couples who actually truly DID care that they were being married in a church, then I take it all back.

[Critters2]

12. If it were up to me, I wouldn't even sign the paper.

That's the County Clerk's job!

I actually give this "if anyone in the wedding party is drunk when the service is ready to start, there won't be a wedding" speech at the rehearsal. I never thought anyone took it seriously. But, last spring, this guy came to me after the rehearsal, in a real state. He was a groomsmen, and told me he was very diabetic. When under stress, his blood sugar might drop. When that happens, he often looked drunk--slurred speech, poor balance, etc. He assured me that, because he was so diabetic, he never drank. He didn't want to ruin his friends' wedding, and so wanted to explain why he might seem drunk.

He walked out of the robing room, and I turned to the organist and said, "Imagine that. I really put the fear of God into someone." She responded, "Either that, or he's planning to be drunk as a skunk at the wedding, with your approval."

Oh fuck it. They're married. I'm gonna take a shower.

[lizzieforkerry]

25. I think you might have done my wedding.

Our guy gave us the exact same speech.

[Critters2]

28. Sounds similar...except for the "guy" part.

:)

[Whoa_Nelly]

9. When they come to church

you can introduce them then ;)

[Critters2]

14. Yeah. If ever.

:)

[TX Screwball]

10. I know it's traditional to introduce them..

...but I'm pretty sure everyone there knew who they were. I mean, some of them were probably related to them.
Cheers!

[Critters2]

13. True enough!

Welcome to DU! :hi:

[TX Screwball]

15. Thank You!

Just found out about this site last week. Very Nice.

[Critters2]

16. I think you're our first dental floss farmer.

As you've already gathered, I'm a professional flim-flam artist. :)

[TX Screwball]

17. Flim-flam artist, eh?

What does that pay? The floss trade has been rough ever since Waterpick showed up.

[Critters2]

18. It's not nearly as lucrative as the people in the religion/theology forum

would have you believe. But it pays the bills.

[FloridaJudy]

21. That's because you belong to a reasonable denomination

That doesn't threaten people with hellfire if they don't sign over every last penny of their Social Security checks. And actually tries to help those who are less fortunate, the way Jesus said to do.

I don't think our ministers make a heckuva lot either. In fact, I know they don't, since their salaries are publicly voted by the congregation. No surprise that it's a shared ministry, and that both have other jobs as well!

I expect Robertson and his ilk are raking it in. Decent pastors, not so much.

[dorktv]

19. Wow...I ask if they want me to do that because you never know if they are doing

the name taking thing or not.

[Critters2]

23. I did ask, early in the counseling/planning process if she was taking his name.

She is.

[dorktv]

27. still, not an issue...I usually mess up the last name so I hate doing it.

[Lil Missy]

22. Stop berating yourself. That's for others to do behind your back.

:P

[krispos42]

24. Punishment:

50 pokes with a sharpened spaghetti.

*poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke*
*poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke*
*poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke*
*poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke*
*poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke* *poke*




Consider yourself chastized.

:-)

[The Wielding Truth]

26. Every wedding is a little different. You made theirs ..mm..special.

[murielm99]

29. Beating yourself up?

I thought I was the champion of that sport.

Don't worry, they will never realize what happened.

I don't remember very much about my wedding ceremony. If our pastor had forgotten that part, I would not have noticed. There were too many other things to worry about.

I do remember our counseling. Our pastor at that time was working on his PhD, and was very good at counseling. I am glad he was the one who married us.