How do you grow so attached to the presence of someone in only 3 years?

[SacredCow]

It's been 4 days since my partner and I went our separate ways... I guess what is making it harder than normal is twofold- first, the issues we had really weren't with each other, but rather a third party who my ex felt responsible for, and ultimately demonstrated a greater loyalty for. Second, this all happened so fast that I haven't had the chance to get my stuff out yet, so I keep having to go back and see him and feel the regret all over again.

This sucks. I'm going to get drunk out of my skull Saturday night....

:cry:

[billyskank]

1. 3 years is plenty of time to form a deep attachment.

I'm so sorry. It's really hard when we form these attachments that then have to be broken. It feels like ripping our hearts out.

:hug:

[SacredCow]

5. Yeah, lesson learned....

relationships are for suckas. At least the ones where you give and give and give, only to be basically betrayed.

thanks, BillySkank

[billyskank]

7. What I haven't yet learned is

how to discriminate between the people who can be trusted with my love, and the ones who can't.

Even if I did learn it probably wouldn't help. Discrimination is a function of the intelligence. The heart has nothing to do with this.

[SacredCow]

8. I think the equation is something like....

Living, breathing human being = high potential to fuck you over

Fuck it. I'm gettin' a dog.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear SacredCow...

Three years is a long time...

For your heart...


:hug:

[SacredCow]

4. It doesn't feel that long, really....

but I guess a lot happened during that time.

Thanks, CP

[Danger Mouse]

3. It doesn't take just three years.

:hug:
hang in there.
Love your avatar.

[SacredCow]

6. Thanks...

I'm sure Bloo would have some words of wisdom for me to live by....

[Danger Mouse]

9. Ask yourself what he'd do...and run with it.

:D

[SacredCow]

10. Hmmmmmm.....

Steal a bus, or go stow away at a retirement home.... Well, the home might have some good meds, at least.

[SacredCow]

11. Shameless Kick....

I'm lonely and bored....

[medicswife]

12. Hugs.....

Three years is a lot longer than a lot of people ever make it. I'm sorry that you're having to go through this pain.

[SacredCow]

16. Thanks...

It could have been so much longer, save for the outside influences... Despite our troubles (which we invested no small amount of time working through) we were really good for each other.

[applegrove]

13. Sorry for your loss. (((Sacred Cow)))

[SacredCow]

28. Thanks so much.... n/t

[Bullwinkle925]

14. i don't have any answers or pearls of wisdom to share with you . . .

i'm out of just a (volatile, on/off) 6-month relationship and it's very difficult.
i, too, am a *sucka* for opening my heart - especially when i'm in such a vulnerable time of life (my husband passed away last year).

i am having trust issues now as well. myself, others, etc.

good luck to you.

[SacredCow]

19. Sorry for your losses, Bullwinkle925....

All the best to you, and everyone else in the lonely hearts club...

:hug:

[lizziegrace]

15. Add to that a natural disaster

:hug:

I'm so sorry. Having no say or control over the situation or outcome is so hard. I truly can relate.

[SacredCow]

17. The hurricane was a factor....

it's just a long and bizarre story.... Now, I'm trying to pick up the pieces and look for a rebound victim!

[lizziegrace]

24. ...

:hug:

Give yourself time. I pity the victim. ;)

[SacredCow]

27. I kid, I kid.....

I'm trying like hell to not call the handfull of vultures that gave me the "If you two ever break up...." line.

[lizziegrace]

32. I know you're kidding...

:hug:

:)

[Bullwinkle925]

40. all i can say is . . .. .

yup, yup, yup!


sigh

hope you're doing well lizziegrace.

[lizziegrace]

44. I'm hanging in there

:hug:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

18. oh sweetheart. you deserve the nicest man ever and one day you'll find him

[SacredCow]

21. You're so sweet...

but if you make me tear up again, I'm coming to NY to get ya for it! :hug:

I know you recall the struggles I had with him, so for it to end this way makes it all seem like a HUGE waste of 3 years. Time will heal, though.... I guess.....

[meegbear]

20. Hang in there man ...

chat on another site.

[SacredCow]

22. Hey, Meegbear....

Thanks! I'm glad I have internet service back- at least I can window-shop for potential future involvements who will probably also screw me over.... :rofl:

[meegbear]

26. BWAH-HAHAHAHA!!

See yah there

[SacredCow]

39. Yep.

I should be around this evening later... I've got some appointments and friend rallying around me to take me to dinner and talk trash about my ex. That ought to be good fun. :evilgrin:

[Forkboy]

23. 3 years is 2 and 1/2 years longer than it usually takes.

When you're really into someone it doesn't take long to become very attached. It's very weird when you're around someone all the time and then it just suddenly stops. It's pretty easy to feel completely lost for awhile.

Sorry you're going through these crappy times, and I hope things look up for you soon.

[SacredCow]

25. That's exactly where I am.....

Our usual phone call times, and the drive home (now to another place) are hitting me hard...

[fizzgig]

29. take care of yourself

it's such a hard place to be in. is there any way you can pick up your stuff while he's not home?

:hug:

[SacredCow]

31. No, not really.....

It's a long story, but as I said there's another party who is involved and happens to be a roommate that lived in the house with us. I gave my keys back to my partner because I don't want him to have a chance to say that I stole something or somesuch, and he's exactly that type.

My ex is going to pack up my smaller personal effects (I trust him to do that with care), and I'm going to have movers go in to get my furniture and such.

[Haole Girl]

30. Three years is a long time..

sometimes, 3 months is a long time!

I wish I had some advice for you. I'm sure it will help when you don't have to see him... after you move your stuff.

Hold on!

Oh, and have fun Sat. night!


:hug:

[SacredCow]

33. Well it won't be too much 'fun'.....

as it turns out, another friend of mine is losing his boyfriend to a work related move. They weren't really serious, and knew it was coming from day one, but he's still bummed. So we're going to park it in the barstools and go from there.....

[zingaro]

34. Three years?

Three years is nothing when you're talking about your heart and your accustomizations.

I've given it all away in three weeks before. Hell, three days probably isn't too big a stretch. But that's just the type of person I am.

Take care of yourself. Grieve happily, with that rebound victi - um, person. Realize that closing doors isn't always a bad thing.

Then remind me of that someday in the not too far off (she says hopefully) future, OK?

:hug:

[SacredCow]

38. Grieve Happily.....

How do you do that? That sounds so much better than where I am now.

[zingaro]

43. Since I seem to have made a life habit out of it

(but that is going to change) I will tell you.

Endings do not mean finality. Endings mean change. Grieve happily, knowing that what is to come is going to come anyway. The more receptive you can be, the more open you can be, the better off you will ultimately be when that nebulous future finally takes shape in your mind and heart - and then in your reality.

Yeah, I'm like that. :)

Also, grieving happily includes being thankful for the opportunity to have shared lifespace with another person. Revel in all the good times you had and send them on their way toward whatever their future holds. And you must grieve happily or you'll never bring what you want your life to be to yourself - you just can't be open to future joy when you're mired in present misery.

It's hard. I cannot lie. I've just had to do it enough in this life to make a sort of artform out of it. But I mean it when I tell you that those times are going to change in my life. You will live through it. Choose to live through it by living through it fully, kwim?

:hug: Some day when you look back at this, you'll realize it really was a beginning.

[malta blue]

35. I am so sorry SacredCow.

It seems as though you and I are in a similar predicament. I will toast to you on Saturday night :toast:

I am the one in the house, and he is coming back on Friday and will be staying until he gets an apartment (I told him by 10/1) and we would have celebrated our 3rd anniversary on 10/20. Yes, three years is long enough to form an attachment.

:hug::hug::hug:

[SacredCow]

37. Thanks, MaltaBlue...

It just didn't seem like all that long.... One damn hurricane blows through, and it's gone.

[SacredCow]

36. Thanks to all of you......

By strange coincidence, this came on the radio a little while ago, and I had to run and hide in the bathroom... Of course, it's no RickRoll.... Really, it just couldn't sum up my feelings any more perfectly...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPK5o2s2IdE


Now, I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

(Chorus)

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

(Chorus)

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No

[SacredCow]

41. Leaving to go see the couples counselor that was trying to help us....

My ex went yesterday, so I'm anxious to see what she has to say about all of this (not that she can tell me all that he said, since we're no longer a couple).

But maybe it'll help me get some things off of my chest.

[UndertheOcean]

42. Yeah , that sucks , 3 years is a long amount of time..

[ThomCat]

45. Wow. I'm very sorry.

That sounds like a very painful situation to be in. :(

:hug:

I'm very sorry that you have to go back. I hope you can cut some ties to find some space to heal.

[SacredCow]

46. Thanks, ThomCat...

I hope you're feeling better!

:hug: