My daughter's boyfriend is deeply depressed and suicidal.

[crim son]

His parents are both professionals who don't believe that depression is an illness, so we have joined forces and managed to get him to a doctor. He has a counselor, and he's on meds. But eight weeks in he has lost faith that he'll improve. He doesn't want to go home and he doesn't want to go back to his dorm, so he's sleeping on a couch downstairs. I was very depressed as a young person and this whole thing has me upset. There really isn't much I can do, right? Aside from send him back to his doctor, which my daughter discussed with him tonight. She knows he isn't her responsibility, but she feels it anyway.

Sigh. Life is hard already. It isn't fair that somebody so young and full of promise hurts so badly. Oh well, just venting.

[Pierre.Suave]

1. Why does he feel this way?

[Lex]

6. Usually clinical depression doesn't have a "reason."

nt

[crim son]

7. I think it isn't situational.

He's incredibly bright (top 10% at the university) but also creative e.g. he wants to write plays and act, or at least teach acting. So he's got the combination going that often seems to go with depression. If that makes sense. This head cold has me very fuzzy.

[Truthiness Inspector]

2. If you really think he is suicidal...

You should be calling 911 right now to have him evaluated.

[crim son]

8. That was my first suggestion.

He says he can control himself and will wait until he sees his psychiatrist. I've been there and I believe him.

[CADEMOCRAT7]

3. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem

Convey this to him. Of course he has lost faith, this is depression. Yet, there is a good possibility he won't always feel this way, though it does not feel like it will ever end to him right now. You felt very depressed before and came out of it, correct ? You can share that you came out of it. Good luck. Life is hard, and at the same time, there is beauty if we look for it :)

[crim son]

10. Yes, I've been there - clinically depressed since early

teens, and I've shared it with him. I know he doesn't see an end to his pain, and it's important to keep reminding him that not only is there an end, but there is also great joy in life.

It's hard when you're nineteen, to look ahead and understand just what all the time means.

[zanne]

4. He'll have to try a different antidepressant...

It can be very discouraging, but antidepressants are very subjective. What works for one person might not work for another. It's not at all unusual for a patient to have to try two or more different types before he feels better. Depression sucks and it seems to hit the young especially hard. I hope your daughter's boyfried gets himself back to a doctor. Your daughter shouldn't have to be his babysitter, either.

[crim son]

11. Absolutely.

That's what we're doing, getting him in and requesting a change of meds. It does scare my daughter (she's 17) and we have talked about how he must be proactive in trying to care for himself; but with depression as you apparently know, motivation can be scarce. I think it's good that he's at least sharing his thoughts, and that he's agreed to stay here. But that isn't going to be the end of it.

[Danger Mouse]

5. You think that's bad? Try an 11 or 12 year old.

Most heartbreaking thing just about ever.

[crim son]

12. Oh god, I can only imagine.

My daughter has had issues since she was small; it turned out to be OCD but for a while I was worried she had the family "problem." Not so far, but I still watch all my kids. Heartbreaking, to be sure.

[Danger Mouse]

14. Hope you are okay, dear friend.

:hug:

[crim son]

15. I am, thank you!

I'm looking up music from my childhood and reliving the feeling. Right now I'm listening to "journey to cairo" by Ann Mortifee (a Canadian, so maybe not known here). So beautiful. :hug: :pals:

[zanne]

18. There is some music I can't listen to from my youth because of depression.

When I was 14, I became severely depressed. There are certain "golden oldies" I just can't listen to now, because they're such powerful reminders, I'm afraid the depression will come back! McCarthur Park is the worst offender.

[crim son]

21. Wow. For me, it's the album "The Wall." Pink Floyd.

Also most of the classic rock of the time.

[mwooldri]

9. Serious: if he's suicidal he needs to get to a mental health hospital ASAP.

Of course they'll evaluate him, maybe treat him a bit "criminally" (as they did with me). Maybe that's enough to "wise up" and decide no to suicide. If they sense that he's going to endanger himself then he's going to get detained.

There was this point in my life where I had this urge to kill myself but there was always something nagging at me, no this isn't right. Checked myself into the mental hospital, they decided I'm not a danger but put me on a group therapy session starting next day. Psychiatrist diagnosed me bipolar. Got on the right meds, got the right treatment. Feeling great now!

Mark.

[crim son]

13. Thank you, Mark.

I sincerely believe he has control of himself right now, and he has said he is not going to do anything because we're getting him back to his doctor. Tomorrow. I'm really glad you're feeling great! I've had clinical depression since I was very young so I have a serious inkling of what people go through. It sucks!

[Krakowiak]

16. It's wonderful that he has your support

As someone who has dealt with deep depression since my teens, I would have greatly benefited from having someone around like you. My girlfriend's parents were deeply religious, and told her that my depression was because I was possessed by demons. I wish all of you the best. Just make sure that he knows he is loved during this time, and beyond that, I hope that he pulls out of this...

[Midlodemocrat]

17. He needs to see a mental health professional ASAP.

Those feelings won't just 'go away'. He needs professional help and fast.

[Locrian]

19. diet?

Not to downplay - he certainly needs a professional therapist ASAP. And possibly a change in meds.

But my wife (post postpartum, depression) plus (father suicide)- got much better with therapy but also a MAJOR change in diet: NO sugar, very low carbs etc. No alcohol of course.

Her brain chemistry processes stuff differently - and carbs/sugar etc are addictive and release certain brain chemicals that play havoc with her.

[LynneSin]

20. You need to stop worrying about him and start worrying about your daughter

This has got to be affecting her too. Perhaps it's time to encourage her to look for what else is out there.