I'm here to solicit some medical advice

[Orrex]

Let's hear it.

[LostInAnomie]

1. Your rectum is not a plaything.

[bigwillq]

It's not!?!?

:evilgrin: :hide:

[MsTryska]

9. mine sure isn't....

but to each their own as far as i'm concerned.

[Orrex]

12. Now, now

Y'all are going to get my thread locked for sexuality, when it's supposed to get locked for seeking medical advice.

[MsTryska]

19. ok fine....since this is about medical advice

do not put anything in your rectum that does not have an anchor of some sort outside of your body.

also - do not putting anything bigger than your elbow in your ear.

and lastly - no sharp objects in your nostrils ever.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

14. Rectum? Nearly killed 'em.

Bwwwwaaaahaaaha!

[Ptah]

17. Bennett? Nearly broke it!

[Orrex]

20. Jacket? Don't mind if I do!

[Iggo]

33. Bangor? No, we're just good friends.

[Kutjara]

35. Jamaica? No, she wouldn't let me.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

41. He offered her honor

she honored his offer

and all through the night it was on her and off her

[lightningandsnow]

37. Public Service Announcement

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NuBomS6SEms

[Lil Missy]

2. Take 2 tylenol, call me in the morning. That will be $50 please.

[Orrex]

32. Damn these HMO's!

If my copay doesn't kill me, the out-of-pocket surely will.

[Gormy Cuss]

3. Take aspirin, drink plenty of fluids and get a good night's sleep. n/t

[redwitch]

4. Never put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear.

Courtesy of my late great Uncle Walter.

[TZ]

5. Have a glass a day

of thimersol...Guaranteed to keep the doctor away....;-)

[Orrex]

7. I'd rather get my mercury that way anyway

When I drink it straight, it just sits in my stomach like a liquid rock.

[Dr. Strange]

6. If it lasts more than four hours, go see your doctor.

(I'm referring, of course, to the numbness you experience after a shot of Novocaine from the dentist.)

[Orrex]

8. For the record

Going to the dentist has never given me a four-hour erection.

[Pierre.Suave]

10. You are going to the wrong dentist...

:P

[Orrex]

11. So you say, but how many dentists do you know who do a prostate exam while you wait?

That's what I call service.

[Pierre.Suave]

18. I dont know of any

Maybe I need to ask around...

[Dr. Strange]

22. I might call it "service"...

if he bothered to wash his hands in between.

:eyes:

[Orrex]

23. Maybe if you'd sit in the chair properly, he wouldn't get confused so readily

[TZ]

24. Hmm.

This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "shut your piehole".....:rofl:

[Dr. Strange]

28. The ratio of the circumference of a hole to its diameter is...

pihole!

Two Greek puns in one night! I'm on a roll!

[NightWatcher]

13. penicillin will clear it right up

[FloridaJudy]

15. Crisco is the best moisturizer in the world

That one's real, BTW.

[Orrex]

16. Not so great as a suntan lotion, though

Smokin!

[TZ]

21. The q-tip is good for your EAR....

Not your REAR.....}(

He-IBTL...

[Orrex]

27. If he told you that it was a q-tip, you really need to have a talk with him.

:evilgrin:

IBTL.

[rug]

25. Don't touch it.

[Orrex]

26. Oh, now you tell me

Thanks a lot for nothing.

[triguy46]

29. NEVER eat anything bigger than your head.

[NNadir]

30. Oh my God. Kliban lives!

It's become the standard joke around my family dinner table.

Both of my boys love that cartoon.

[triguy46]

39. My kids are in their 20's and still believe it to be words to live by.

[yellowdogintexas]

31. dont tuch the but nt

[sarge43]

34. If it hurts to do that, stop doing it.

Four pills aren't necessarily better than the prescribed two.

Mom was right; picking at it isn't a good idea.

When you tell your doctor that your hip bones are making funny noises when you walk, be specific. Are the noises George Carlin funny or Mel Brooks funny?

Don't dwell upon the possibility that your surgeon may have graduated with a 2.5 GPA.

Life: The prognosis is 100% bad. Accept and move on.

[BlueIris]

36. DON'T SCRATCH.

Or poke. No poking.

[Orrex]

38. I'm asking for medical advice, and you're giving me billiards tips.

Thanks for nothing!

[Fox Mulder]

40. I have this pain in my ass...

what is causing it?

[Lil Missy]

42. Has it lasted for about 8 years? Hmmmmm......

[Fox Mulder]

44. Yeah, for about eight years now...

but more so in the last two or so weeks.

[zanne]

43. Always wear your hat. nt