I am not not so sure i can get into a PhD program next fall

[La Lioness Priyanka]

there is only one program in my field in the city

nice one~!

[bigwillq]

1. Maybe you could try Yale

then you would be close by me! :bounce: :) :hi: :hug:

[JVS]

2. You have to be willing to leave your city.

PhD programs are not about your convenience.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

3. my relationship takes priority. so we'll see.

lisa can work in very few places because of the nature of her job... so its really not all about me

[JVS]

4. That is another sacrifice one has to be willing to make.

I saw a guy who was trying to get done with coursework in half the time because he wanted to leave campus and live with his girlfriend. He's become a much happier man since dumping her and now says that he realizes how difficult producing a thesis away from the university and its resources would have been.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

5. well our priorities are clearly different.

[Fran Kubelik]

10. Ugh. "Dumping her."

Bad advice, man. Really bad advice.

[JVS]

15. Sometimes work comes first, and it often the case that many of the married students...

leave campus and take FOREVER to finish.

[Fran Kubelik]

17. But that's ok, because you have balance in your life.

Really - what's wrong with taking your time to get the degree?

[JVS]

18. With extended thesis writing times, one often becomes unemployable

Potential employers are unimpressed with people who take a decade to finish the program. Different fields may vary, but at a certain point every year you take will drop you to a lower and lower echelon of institutions.

If you need a source of "balance", seek one who is willing to live near your institution.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

19. what makes you think it will take me a decade to finish?

i may not want to move but i suspect i will finish faster than anyone else in the program. i am already used to working two full loads.

also no grad student i know lives on campus unless they live in bumblefuck, nowherelands.

[JVS]

20. I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about the plan of the guy before he dumped his GF

From what it sounds like, in your case you'll either get into the school in your city or you won't do the program.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

22. pretty much. nt

[Runcible Spoon]

36. finishing a PhD takes as long as your adviser thinks it should.

I felt like I was running tracks into the ground for 2 years, I just wanted to get the fuck going on the actual dissertation. Some advisers will fast-track you, some will make you take redundant classes over and over. The biggest mistake is using your experience in an MA program as any kind of measure for what a PhD is like. My MA was 1,000 times easier than my Honor's BA was, and my PhD was fucking 10,000 harder than both combined. Get used to having no life.

[Fran Kubelik]

21. I am not talking about finding a "source of balance"

I am saying that it is extraordinarily selfish to assume that you are the one and only person whose life is worth taking into consideration when making decisions. I am saying that if you are lucky enough to find someone you love, you learn to make sacrifices for your joint happiness.

[JVS]

23. You don't know the situation of my friend. You shouldn't be so harsh with his decision.

He tried to make a compromise, but it wasn't going to work, so he dumped her.

Other fish in the sea, you know.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

24. the way you stated it, it seemed thats the advice you were giving me

i dont know or care about your friend and his love life.

[JVS]

25. My advice is that if you are really interested in this PhD, you might need to be willing to do...

the following.

1. Leave the city, because it sounds likely that you might not get into the program in your city.
2. Do whatever personal stuff you can about your relationship. If you can get her to follow you (which sounds like it won't happen unless you go to another big city), the great. If you can do the Long Distance thing, good for you. If you can only do LDR for a couple years and then want to come back during your disseration writing, be careful not to slow down too much, and finally if you cannot do LDR at all, then decide if it's worth it or not to pursue the PhD.
3. Be prepared to have strain added to the situation even if you stay at home. The work you do is going to frequently be ridiculous and your partner should realize that there are going to be times when you'll probably have to put the relationship on auto-pilot. This shouldn't be a problem unless you're involved in a high-maintenance relationship.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

28. thats good advice. i know that number 3 is especially true

[Runcible Spoon]

37. I've had no less than 5 professors tell me that if you want to do a PhD, that comes first

above all else. I knew many people who had left their spouses and children on another coast to pursue their degrees. Anyone giving honest advice will tell you that if you want to do a PhD, you work your life around it, not vice versa. There are 100 other applicants willing to sacrifice more than you, travel from far away countries, and leave their kids to get a spot.

I had no sympathy from my committee when my boyfriend cheated on me with my roommate and my cat died the same week. I got a formal warning on my file for turning in my proposal late. All professors love their little trials by fire and being miserable is part of it. Of course, I have heard stories about people who just loved their committee and had a fantastic time. Always a friend of a friend kind of thing.

However, 90% of people I knew in PhD, including me, spent their free time (maybe 2 hours a day) drinking and crying...a lot. My third semester, I was on campus 16 hours a day, with one 2 hour break. Intensive Arabic every morning 8 am for 2 hours, teach my own class, office hours, meetings, writing tests, grading, writing lectures, library research, bi-weekly advisor meetings, working on the annotated bibliography, writing dissertation proposal and editing editing editing, 3 PhD seminars/classes with a book each per week to read plus papers, mandatory peer workshops. Ughh. I'm getting tired just THINKING about it. A PhD is not for everyone, and really has no bearing on how smart someone is.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

38. wow. explains why you are so bitter.

in other news more than half my friends have phd's and none of them seem to have such tortured experiences.

[Runcible Spoon]

41. I'm not bitter.

Some fields are less demanding than others, some schools' programs as well. I had a very prestigious fellowship, I sacrificed for it. Some people won't. It's pretty simple.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

42. ...

:eyes:

[Runcible Spoon]

43. yes that's exactly the kind of attitude admissions committees love.

Golfclap for you. Good luck with everything.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

44. the committe wont in the past have made sexists and bitter comments to me

so they wont get this attitude. i reserve it for people like you.

[Runcible Spoon]

57. yeah, I sure am sexist because I tire of your narcissism...

and I think the last thing this board needs is more pics of your floppy breasts. Ciao.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

59. see there you go again. floppy breasts? thats the best you can do?

[Midlodemocrat]

55. Wow. My experience was nothing like that.

I worked full time during most of it as well. It certainly helped that it was in a field I loved, but I went to a reasonably difficult program and didn't feel like drinking and crying a lot. At the time, I really enjoyed my job and I was very focused. I was dating someone pretty seriously, but we ended up breaking up about 1 year before I defended my dissertation.

[Fran Kubelik]

29. Wasn't criticizing your friend.

I was annoyed that you were trying to tell Priyanka that she was making the wrong choice by putting her relationship first. I happen to think that's generally shitty advice.

[SidneyCarton]

6. You raise a good point.

I've managed to luck out. I have a job on campus (which drastically reduces my tuition and fees) and live within walking distance of campus. Being married with a child however, I have to agree with Pri, relationships take priority.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

7. yeah and if i really dont get in, i can compromise and get a social psych degree

:)

[SidneyCarton]

8. If that will work for you, all the better.

It is good to have options and a backup plan.

[Rabrrrrrr]

30. One does not leave the capital of the world lightly.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

31. hey ... can you answer my middle eastern food thread?

i bet you have a good cookbook to recommend

[Rabrrrrrr]

32. I looked at that thread, but can offer nothing - I know almost zilch about mideastern foods.

But thanks for thinking that I would know something!

All I know is falafel, lamb, goat, hummus, baba ganouche (however it's spelled) and yogurt.

[JVS]

33. Lioness doesn't live in Paris

:P

Seriously though, NYC offers limited educational opportunities, and if your interests are not met there, then you gotta hit the road.

[Dora]

9. Woo hoo! You'll save on application fees.

If there's only one program for you to apply to right now, then that's the one to apply to.

[alarimer]

11. Look into distance-ed programs.

I am not sure what your field is or if they offer such programs in your field but it may be worth a shot. I did my Master's that way (in fisheries). All of my classes-were web-based. I only went to campus (250 miles from me) a few times to meet with my committee.

[IndianaJones]

12. get into the one in the city. nt.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

13. very funny

:P

[IndianaJones]

14. does the one thats available suck? nt.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

16. no. just hard to get into

[UndertheOcean]

26. What is your Field ?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

27. industrial organizational psychology

[UndertheOcean]

34. Thats a Ph.D. Field alright , always too specialised

Why is the program you desire to enroll in hard to get into ? Are you seeking to be funded or will you pay your own tuition ?

[Runcible Spoon]

35. at least in my field (anthro), no schools I know accept anyone without fellowships/GA/TAships

since teaching and/or supervised research is a huge part of the degree program. I doubt it's any different in psych fields, and as a result PhD programs are highly selective since programs only take on as many students as they can afford, in terms of both money and faculty attention.

I once knew a professor who was idly pursuing another PhD part-time in another field, and paid for it himself, but that's highly irregular and 99% of students going full-time have departmental/school support.

As far as lack of programs, there were maybe 15 scholars in the world that could advise my dissertation topic, so I ended up many states away from home.

[JVS]

47. Yep. You gotta work with the right people to do your thing.

If they're in LA, Ann Arbor, Houston, NYC, Bloomington IN, or wherever, you gotta go find them.

[Burma Jones]

39. Ah Fuck It, just go to Law School.......

Kidding.....


Have you looked at New Jersey? You really don't have to live all that close to Campus for a PhD program.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

40. i am looking at rutgers. lets see how the gre's turn out

:)

the last time i took it i did really well

[Burma Jones]

45. Best Wishes....and remember that a PhD is more about persistence than intelligence

[La Lioness Priyanka]

46. thanks!

[fishwax]

48. Good luck with it

I hope that it works out for you next fall. If not, perhaps with another year to prepare for an uprooting you could apply at other programs for the fall after that :shrug:

Either way, though, good luck. PhD programs are great fun :D

[La Lioness Priyanka]

49. PhD programs are great fun !!!!!!!!!!!!

and here i was told that all one can do during the phd program is drink coffee and cry :rofl:

[fishwax]

50. well, those are my two favorite hobbies, so it's perfect for me

:rofl:

Only kidding, though. I'm working on my PhD now and I really enjoy it. Sure it's a lot of work, but that's nothing new for me, and there are a lot of great things about it too. People love to tell horror stories about it (and maybe some of them are even true ;)), but if you work in a program that allows you to follow your interests and has a good community then there are plenty of advantages to make up for the demands on your time and energy.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

51. thanks fishwax.. what is your field?

[fishwax]

52. english, which is probably

another reason I feel positively about the PhD program: the job market being what it is for those studying film and literature, we've got to enjoy it while the guaranteed employment lasts ;)

[Midlodemocrat]

53. Is that the program at Baruch?

The one you were talking about a bit ago?

What makes you think you won't get in? I know it is a competitve program, but you have an undergrad degree from NYU. I think you're selling yourself short.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

54. its at the graduate center, which is part of cuny but the program is run

at baruch

i do really want to get in because my mentor for my research can continue to mentor me. He is currently mentoring my masters at baruch

thanks for the support.

[IndianaJones]

56. you have to take some advice with a grain of salt...education is a huge challenge for some idiots.

also remember, this is America.

[leftyclimber]

58. I've managed to balance school and my relationship

It can be done, although my SO has the patience of Job, so YMMV. ;)

I did have to move for my doc program (funding issue), but if you can get in to the in-town program and not move, I'd like to cast a vote for "it can be done." You've got good grades, from what I understand, and I'm assuming you can write a strong SOP and get good recs from what you've shared here.

If the local program simply isn't an option, can you find work in your field (or at least something similar)? If so, I wouldn't fool with a Ph.D. at all.

Best,

lefty