My sister wanted to tell me about something "hilarious" that happened during my son's funeral...

[Th1onein]

Maybe I'm just too sensitive, but as far as I'm concerned NOTHING could be hilarious in a setting like that. For God's sake.

Does anyone else see something wrong with this kind of statement?

[sasquatch]

1. Is she high or something?

:shrug:

[Connonym]

2. I'm sorry

I would imagine your sister would be horrified to know she hurt you.

People handle grief differently and while humor may seem inappropriate and unthinkable to you perhaps it was just a coping mechanism for you.

At my father's wake and even at his death bed we told jokes and were laughing -- it was intended as a celebration of him and his life and not an insult.

I'm terribly sorry about your son. I haven't seen if you posted any details about what happened so I apologize for not knowing about this. As a parent I cannot imagine any greater pain than having your child pass before you. I am most sincerely sorry for your loss.

[Th1onein]

3. My son was 21 years old when he died.

He had cystic fibrosis, and he literally suffocated to death. He suffered horribly. It was torture to watch this happen to him. My family was destroyed by his death.

I think it is different when someone has lived long enough to have actually had some kind of life, but my son's life was just beginning.

My mother was a very dramatic person; histrionic almost. And she didn't know how to express her grief in an appropriate manner, but she loved my son very much.

I just don't understand how my sister could have found anything humorous in that situation. And I certainly don't understand how she could say something like that to me now. And it really bothers me to think that she could have been smiling on that day, when my little family was bleeding out of every pore.

[SeattleGirl]

5. I don't know your sister, of course,

but sometimes,humor is something that people use to cope with something bad.

I remember after my father died at the age of 43, my mom, my brothers and sisters, and our aunts, uncles, and cousins all took turns bawling our eyes out, and laughing at stories about dad.

I'm so sorry you lost your son; I can't even imagine the pain that would bring. But your sister may just have been searching for a way to cope with that loss.

:hug:

[ThomCat]

6. I am very sorry that your son suffered like that

and I'm sorry for your entire family. My greatest fear is suffering until I die, and suffering alone. I'm glad he had a loving family with him. :hug:

It's very understandable to feel the way you do. You're grieving. Humor is out of the question.

I hope you and your whole family find a way to heal, but always remember your son. :hug:

[tigereye]

13. I am so sorry - that is a devastating situation

:hug:


I think sometimes people can only process so much horror and grief. Even in my family, at the funeral of a young relative who died suddenly in an accident, we did at times manage to laugh some, if only to remember all that we loved about him and his humor.

[applegrove]

18. Tell her their is nothing funny about that day for you. Perhaps she thinks

you were up for some black humour as you cried. So sorry for your loss.

[Sequoia]

31. I'm so sorry.

[mokawanis]

4. I can't imagine why she'd say that

I don't know why she thought that comment was appropriate but it certainly seems insensitive, to say the least. I'm sorry for your loss.

[dropkickpa]

7. You'd never be able to come to a Dropkick family funeral then

You'd think we were at a comedy club. It's how we deal.

I'm sorry for your loss, and I am sure your sister did not intend to hurt or offend you.

[Chovexani]

22. It's how my family deals, too.

Hell it's how I've gotten through the last 8 years. I always tell people I laugh to keep from crying.

[NJmaverick]

8. I am sorry for your loss

I don't think you are being overly sensistive. As others have pointed out, your sister is just handling her grief in her own way. I am sure she didn't mean anything by it, nor was she being deliberately insensitive.

[WinkyDink]

9. {{{Th10nein}}}. You have my sincere condolences. Your sister's remark is bizarre and hurtful.

[undeterred]

10. Sometimes, with time and distance,

some things are funny. Other times its virtually impossible. Sounds like the mere suggestion of it made things worse. I'm sorry. :hug:

[Bunny]

11. I'm sorry that you were hurt. Funerals usually aren't know for hilarity.

There were a couple of things that happened in the days surrounding my dad's death and funeral that acutally were pretty funny, especially if you knew my dad and how he would have reacted to them. My sibs and I shared a chuckle at the time, but we would not have mentioned it to our mother - for the same reason that your sister shouldn't have mentioned it to you. Your pain is much more raw than your sister's, and you are right to feel that nothing that happened at your son's funeral was "hilarious".

Your sister is insensitive, but probably has no idea how much she hurt you.

[Celeborn Skywalker]

12. It could be her coping mechanism.

People in my family laugh more during funerals than during other,normal times. That said, she should have been able to read your mood and see that you were not up for a laugh.

[easttexaslefty]

14. I am so very sorry about the loss

of your son.I imagine it would be hard to find anything hilarious during the funeral of your beloved son or her nephew. Maybe in some weird way she is trying to make you feel better. She's way of the mark but my experience with family after the death of my son is that they are so ill-equipped to know how to handle our grief.Maybe it's a manifestation of that:shrug: Again, my sympathies on the loss of your child:hug:

[Beer Snob-50]

15. i am terribly sorry for your loss

i wouldn't be to hard on your sister. as others have said, everyone deals differently. when my father died, it was terrible but i met people at the wake i hadn't seen in a while and we laughed as well as cried talking about him.

[Beer Snob-50]

16. delete nt

[Shell Beau]

17. No, I can not imagine. I couldn't imagine my aunt saying that

to my mom about my brother's funeral. There was absolutely no humor there. Nothing was funny to my mom that day. NOTHING!

[CC]

19. People grieve in different ways.

Not knowing your sister or your relationship with her it is hard to know why she would bring it up with you.
At my son's funeral a lot of his friends got up and told stories about things they did together or things he did. There was a lot of laughing going on at that funeral along with a lot of tears. They even made me laugh and no greater gift could I ever have ask for than the people that forced me to remember all the good (and even some frustrating) sides of my little boy.

[Mad_Dem_X]

20. Uh, yeah...that was a bit inappropriate.

[Chovexani]

21. I don't think there's anything wrong with it

I'm one of those people who tends to use humor as a coping mechanism in trying times. So does the rest of my family, really--you'd probably be appalled at some of the statements made at some of my relatives' funerals. The thing is, gallows humor is perfectly valid and human. It doesn't mean the person is insensitive or trying to be offensive. Sometimes, when faced with great tragedies, we laugh or try to find humor in the situation to keep from falling apart.

If you go on YouTube and look up the Kings of Comedy speaking at fellow King Bernie Mac's funeral, you'll get a good idea of what I'm talking about.

Just tell your sister that you're not in a frame of mind to deal with that kind of thing. I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it. And I'm deeply sorry for your loss.

[Th1onein]

24. It just strikes me as wildly insensitive, given that day and how decimated my family was.

That she could find something "hilarious" in my mother's behavior that day, at my son's funeral, is amazing to me. My mother was absolutely crushed to lose her favorite grandson, and my sister knew it.

To top it off, she doesn't seem to realize that her habit of making fun of our mother, who is also now dead, is very painful.

In this instance, she managed to combine both making fun of our dead mother and my son's funeral, all together, in one crushingly insensitive comment. Thanks for your input, and I'm sure that there are times when laughter is okay, but this wasn't one of them.

[Chovexani]

25. Sounds like you need to have a good talk with her.

I know I've had to check some of my own statements in situations like these because I didn't realize how hurtful I was being. Everyone deals with tragedy in their own way, and that has to be respected. FWIW I don't think you're being oversensitive at all. Stuff affects people in different ways.

Peace to you and yours, though. :hug:

[WinkyDink]

30. This was the AUNT to the MOTHER. Who needs to "COPE" more??

[Chovexani]

32. I don't judge people or quantify grief.

You'll be playing that game by yourself, thanks.

[NanBo]

23. among family it can happen unexpectedly

At my Dad's funeral, everyone was waiting for the minister, the coffin was in the front and we were all crying silently wrapped in our own grief and pain. My then 4 year old nephew who adored my father, heaved a big sigh and said very audibly, "This is soooo boring." The entire room cracked up because you see, this is EXACTLY what my Dad would have thought about the whole thing. That was years ago and we still laugh about it when we talk about my Dad. He would have LOVED it and it was hilarious at the time. It warmed everyone up to sharing stories about how bored Dad got at such things etc.

I'm sorry for your loss but perhaps your sister wanted to share a memory and perhaps she phrased it poorly.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

26. Let it go...

I doubt I'd find anything funny either. Yes, I think it's insensitive.
Explain to her that you can't find anything remotely amusing about that agonizingly painful day. Then quickly change the subject.

:hug::hug::hug:

[Th1onein]

27. I've done that. But, of course, I wonder what kind of person she is now.

And she's my sister, too. I just don't understand it. It seems like she's just completely not what I thought of her at all.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

28. Having a rethuglican sister, I can relate to that...

She's not as you thought she was. People change, and sometimes the people closest to us suddenly exhibit a side of themselves we never thought could exist.

I know it's difficult, but try to refrain from judging her. It could be, as someone else mentioned, that humor is the only tool she has to deal with this tragedy...as appalling as that may seem.

Over a year after my young grandson died from SIDS, we went to visit my stepson and his wife. I told them that we wanted to take some time to visit little Zachy's grave, and plant a few flowers. Never in a million years would I have thought that my daughter-in-law would break down when I said that, but she was deeply hurt. It seemed, and I hadn't realized it at the time, that she hadn't been to his grave since the funeral.

My daughter-in-law forgave my insensitivity, because she knew my heart was in the right place. I'm thinking your sister was guilty of the same sort of ignorance I was. :hug:

[baldguy]

29. I've found from the many funerals I've attended

the mourners always have the most wonderful stories. Some will be sad, true. But if the deceased was full of life & love for their family and friends, the stories told about them will reflect that.

[Redstone]

33. Jeez, not to make light of your pain, but I'd sincerely HOPE something hilarious would

happen at my funeral. I like to see people laugh, and a good moment of hilarity would make them feel better.

I'd rather they laugh than moan and weep.

But, of course, I respect your feelings, especially at such a hard time, so PLEASE do not construe this as an opinion that you should not think the way you do. You have every right to feel as you do.

And allow me to offer you my sincere condolences, if you would.

Redstone

[My Good Babushka]

34. I'm so sorry, that seems very insenstive.

Like some of the people said, I hope it was not maliciously intended. Stressful situations sometimes make people go a little haywire.