My mom is trying to drive me insane.

[Shakespeare]

Setup: My sister is flying out to visit for a week (gets here Friday, can't WAIT). One of the things on the itinerary is a day at the spa, because we love all things girly. So, I call my mom last night to chat, and mention some of the things we're doing while my sister is here. This is how the conversation went:

Me: "And we're spending Tuesday at this place a colleague of mine recommended, the Glen Ivy Spa."

Mom: "Why aren't you going to the spa I gave you a gift certificate for your birthday?"

Me: "Because they're super-expensive, and because they don't do pedicures, and (my sister) really wants a pedicure."

Mom: "Well isn't the all-day place expensive?"

Me: "No--they have a $35 entrance fee that lets you use the mud bath and mineral springs, and the pedicure is extra."

Mom: "Well, if that's all they charge, it must not be a very nice place."

Me: "No, my co-worker raves about it, and I've see the pics on their website. It's nice."

Mom: "Well, I'd never do one of those mud baths. I think people pee in them."

Me: "No, they don't pee in them. You don't get IN the mud, you just slather it on and let it dry, then shower off."

Mom: "I bet you'll break out in red bumps all over when you're done."

Me: "Why??"

Mom: "Because people pee in the mud."

Me: "YOU DON'T GET IN THE MUD! NOBODY PEES IN THE MUD!"

Mom: "I bet they do."

Me, changing the subject: "Whatever. On Monday, we're driving up to Santa Barbara for the day, because she's never been there."

Mom, who has a poor grasp of geography, all freaked out: "ISN'T THAT LIKE FIVE HOURS AWAY?"

Me: "NO! It's just over an hour away."

Mom: "Well, why would you want to drive that far?"

At this point, I drove off the road and into a telephone pole to give myself a merciful death.




:banghead:

[Symarip]

1. GLEN IVY KICKS ASS!!!

Yet another reason to hate the East Coast. Last year, after I finished a grueling tour with my band, I went there for three days straight.

[supernova]

2. "Pee in the mud"

OMG! I think that should be our phrase for the day.

:rofl:

[Shakespeare]

5. It would be funny if she weren't trying to drive me insane.

She would NOT get off the "pee in the mud" thing. :7

[supernova]

6. I'm sorry your mom is such a pill

but that is just...

:rolf:


I'm trying not to annoy my coworkers with laughter. :rofl:

[Shakespeare]

16. I always realize about 3/4 of the way through the conversations how absurd it all is.

And then later (sometimes MUCH later), I laugh about it. About half my conversations with my sister begin with one of us going "ARGH--I just got off the phone with mom!"

Thank god I'm not an only child. :rofl:

[Lydia Leftcoast]

44. When I was in graduate school, my mom got it into her head

that one of my roommates was a public health nurse. I'm not sure where that came from, because one was a fellow graduate student, and the other was a lecturer at the university art gallery.

But anyway, every time we talked on the phone, my mom would ask me how my roommate the public health nurse was.

That was 30 years ago, so it wasn't early onset dementia. (She is only now starting to get a bit foggy.)

[Dogtown]

21. I love "pee in the mud"!

DU name change = "mudpee"

[NJmaverick]

3. Hey someone peed in the mud!

:evilgrin:

[madinmaryland]

12. Wasn't me!

[NJmaverick]

14. I don't know about that, since you stopped peeing in the pool

you had to go somewhere...

[suninvited]

4. Love the mud baths

I always pee in the mud.

[DS1]

7. I contribute to the mud

I believe in a zero-sum mudbath.

[Shakespeare]

13. I don't EVEN want to know.

:scared:

[Shell Beau]

8. I thought you were supposed to pee in the mud!

:P

I am lucky that my mom isn't like that, but my mom's mom... That is another story. :hug:

[LostinVA]

9. OMG -- she and my mother-in-law have to be separated at birth!

[Shakespeare]

11. She's insane. And quickly making me that way.

I just emailed my sister about it, and she emailed back and said "Great--she'll probably call me Thursday night while I'm trying to pack and do a thousand other things." I told her "she'll tell you people pee in the mud, and it'll make you want to kill yourself."

[LostinVA]

17. After you go to the spa, call her and say:

"Oh, we had a great time, excpt (Sister's Name) embarrassed me sooo much. What? Oh, she peed in the mud."

[Shakespeare]

18. HAHAHAHAHA!

I may have to do that. But then she'll just go "SEE?! I told you people pee in the mud!"

[LostinVA]

37. Get your sis to say (re: peeing in mud):"Well, duh. Why do you think I want to go to the spa?"

[Arugula Latte]

10. Let's change "Who pissed in your Cheerios?" to "Who peed in your mud?"

:rofl:

[Symarip]

15. I changed my signature line

Think of it like a shrine to one of the greatest quotes on DU.

[Shakespeare]

19. Oh god.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:thumbsup:

[Gormy Cuss]

20. This is why driving while talking on the cell phone can be dangerous.

:D


I think you should report back to her after the spa trip and tell her that both of you peed in the mud just to be safe.

[KitchenWitch]

22. LOL

My parents and son were here for a week and just left. One of the days, I dropped my parents and daughter off at the Santa Monica Pier and took my son on the UCLA college tour.

On the way back home to MasterPlanistan, I was driving down I-405, and decided to take CA-22 because it is a more direct route to where I live. My dad gave me the third degree as to why I got off the 405 and decided to take the 22. My dad used to have business trips to SoCal back in the 1970s and 1980s, and thinks he knows his way around here better than I do.

:eyes:

[Shell Beau]

23. When I go back home, my mom tells me which way to go to get

places. I grew up in a small town. I lived there for 22 years. Nothing in that town has changed. I ran the rodes like crazy and have only lived away for about 7 years. Parents... I tell ya!

[KitchenWitch]

24. Seriously!

I would venture to say that I know places in my home town that my parents have NO CLUE about.

:hi:

[bertha katzenengel]

25. I'd say LOL but you're clearly at your wits' end

So sorry. :banghead: in sympathy

[Mad_Dem_X]

26. LOL! That sounds like the conversations Hubby has

with his mom. She sees only the negative in *everything*. It drives me up the friggin' wall.

[huskerlaw]

27. Oh my god!

First of all... :rofl:

But more importantly... $35 for a mud bath?! (even if it does contain pee) I'm SO THERE!

[Shakespeare]

28. I'll let you know next week how it goes.

My friend at work RAVES about this place, and claims it's one of LA's best-kept secrets. Hard to go wrong for $35, and the pictures look promising. It's about an hour away near Temecula, but that's do-able for an all-day spa.

[huskerlaw]

29. Yeah, definitely let me know.

I'm a relative regular at Burke Williams, but this place seems MUCH cheaper...and judging by the pics, it looks fabulous. So yup, I'll want details!

[ucralum]

30. I love Glen Ivy...

...but I didn't know I was supposed to pee in the mud.;)

[Shakespeare]

31. You've been here two years, and this is your first post?

AWESOME! :rofl:

[ucralum]

40. Priorities

Clearly mine are in order.:silly:

[Shakespeare]

42. Well, WELCOME. I think you've demonstrated that you fit right in!

:rofl:

:hi:

[GreenPartyVoter]

32. In other words, she's hurt you aren't using the certificate she gave you so

she's letting you know in a very passive-aggressive way? That's always fun. x( :hug:

[Shakespeare]

33. Mom = Debbie Downer, with a little bit of crazy thrown in for fun.

Eh. Gives me and my sister something to bitch to each other about. :7

[GreenPartyVoter]

34. That's what sibs are for, right? :^D

[KitchenWitch]

35. Sort of puts the FUN in dysfunctional, eh?

[A HERETIC I AM]

36. She's right, you know.

You're                                             ---------------->                      here...

















































                               .                       and Santa Barbara is waaaaay over....






























                                                                                  ----------------->                 here








That's pretty far.  

Now back your car up and off yourself properly.

With a Martini

OK...maybe 72 Martini's.

One more thing.


I peed in the mud.:evilgrin:

One one more more thing thing.....

That sounds EXACTLY like conversations I've had with my mom.
Your mom and my mom might be sisters.
COUSIN!

[MissMillie]

38. To be fair

"drive your children crazy" is in the 3rd or 4th section of the job description for "Mother"


:silly:

[TheCentepedeShoes]

39. OMG !

And all this time I thought I was an only child. Mom must have been very busy keeping us apart.
One of the weirdest things she said to me happened when she came to Tampa for a visit. I picked her up at the airport and headed to the interstate to go to my place.
And she asks "Are you sure you're going the right way?" She'd Never Been to Tampa Before!!!
She argues over everything. A conversation with her is like taking one step forward and three steps back. As a kid I could have a more meaningful exchange with a stranger on a city bus.

Have fun with your (real) sis. I think I wanted a sister even more than I wanted a pony.

[SeattleGirl]

41. "At this point, I drove off the road and into a telephone pole to give myself a merciful death. "

:rofl:

[vard28]

43. Thank you for this post

'cause your whole conversation sounded like most of mine with my mom! My sister and I do the same thing; call each other, warn each other, and compare conversations to see who she's interested in making drive into a tree more that particular day.

I'm glad you got to vent and I'm sure glad I read your post. I can't wait to tell the story at work tomorrow. :rofl: Thank you for sharing.

[pokerfan]

45. That's what mothers do

and I wish mine were still here.

Enjoy your spa and don't pee in the mud.

[BreweryYardRat]

46. Ugh, that sounds very much like my mother.

:banghead:

Raving paranoid pessimist.

My SINCEREST sympathies. Nobody should have that sort of mother.

[Lasher]

47. I've been to that spa.

I peed in the mud too.

[Danger Mouse]

48. Show her who's boss. Spit in her eye.

PUMA!