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I'm going to lay this out as free of bias as I can, I'd really like some insight/opinion/support.
I'm 39, and have been friends with B. for about two years. He's 26. We have stuff in common--we kayak together, go to concerts together, watch bad movies together, etc. I'm married and my wife is a notorious homebody, and gleefully kicks me out of the house to go "hang out with B. do some guy stuff." She likes B. as well, has been very protective of him. Our 3-year-old adores him.
Things were cool for a while then he met his nightmare girlfriend, we'll call her Ava. Ava was a cokehead and a drunk, a terrible mother to her daughter, who she regularly pawns off on anyone so she can drink, snort, or fuck. B. details all of this quite bluntly, but little B. is in control here. I've played several rounds of "Lose a pal to Succubus" in my life, and despite Ava being the worst example of Ms. Wrong I've ever seen a friend get hard for, I held my tongue. Even when he would seek my opinion (I barely saw him for the six months they dated, but he would show up whenever they were fighting), I would say something Switzerland like "Well, she's got her faults, but you must see something in her. Whatever you decide about her, I wanna be your friend." When the relationship crashed hard on NYE, he was suddenly omnipresent in my life again, literally hanging out an entire 72 hour weekend "because I can't stand to go back to my empty apartment." My wife and I have a 3-year-old and we live for our weekends, but even she said "Hey, B. needs you right now," and deferred our family life to me being big brotherly to a hurting friend. At his request, I arrange the possessions swap so he doesn't have to see/talk to Ava. For the first two months of 2004 he's been an almost omnipresent figure in our house, lonely and hurting and hungry.
Now, inherent in our friendship all along has been the dynamic that, as the older guy with the family and the house, I make more money than a struggling 20-something, and so invitations to the house for steaks grilled out, pizzas, even some trips out to restaurants, have always been gratis. He's generally never offered to pitch in, moneywise, and we've never asked, except maybe the occasional "Wanna get the tip?" I grew up in a family that took calculators to restaurants, so I never wanted to be that guy, y'know? Despite the fact that some medical bills, etc, have really hurt our family finances and I'm currently working about 60 hours a week to get caught up/ahead. I've made a point of never making an issue about money to B., though even my wife got peeved when he made a sideways promise about helping me move my elderly father and then never showed up ("Totally forgot, dude, had to do my laundry."). My wife at this point muttered to me (B. nowhere around): "Have we not fed him enough?"
So in a work schedule that currently provides me 4 days off a month, I saw a concert coming up that B. and I both wanted to see, and we agreed that we wanted to go. I then asked if he would mind being the DD that night, as I've not drank in 14 months and am overdue a drunken revelrie. B. goes out with his younger friends at least twice weekly, I didn't figure he'd mind missing out on one night. Also, we live a half-mile from each other and the show is downtown. He says sure, absolutely, and when I remind him a few days later, he's still on board.
The day of the show, he turns his never-without-it cell phone off. The time of the show comes and goes, No B., and finally I think to call a mutual friend. She's at a downtown bar with all of Ava's old gang (minus Ava), a group B. has spent the last two months complaining about. He's already drunk himself, and in fact leaves his car downtown and goes home with someone else. The mutual friend quotes him as saying "I'm no fucking chaperone." He nevers shows at the concert. No word from him since Thursday night.
So I'm left really hurting here. I've come to believe there's something inherently doomed about befriending someone so much younger than myself, as invariably their goals and aims are so much different than my own, though I've always wanted to think that like minds/souls can overcome that sort of thing. So am I just friend-repellent? Am I a doormat? I promise I have tried not to slant this.
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