Things that you should never ever do in life:

[MrScorpio]

Mix ammonia with bleach

Put a cat on a leash

Vote Republican

Take that nice Nigerian e-mailer up on his offer

Stand between a cop and his donuts


Bring 'em, people!

[mcctatas]

1. A variation of the first one...

wash your litter box out with clorox. Highly unrecommended!

[Maine-ah]

18. roflmao!

that's how I learned that one! DUH! (smacks forehead)

[mcctatas]

47. Me too!

FMTA?? (feeble minds think alike) ;)

[Tommy_Carcetti]

2. Post a parody VP nominee teaser in GD:P

Apparently that is frowned upon.

[Dr. Strange]

3. GD-P has no sense of humor.

I believe I have the "honor" of having the first thread deleted from GD:Presidential. Bask in my glory. Bask, damn you, bask!

[truedelphi]

36. Give us a clue - who did you suggest??

[Zuiderelle]

4. I put my cat on a leash all the time. But I haven't done any of the other ones.

[astral]

87. I've put my cat on a leash too. . . .

but I didn't do it twice.

[MaggieSwanson]

5. throw happiness away

kick a puppy
trust a neocon
stereotype
ignore a smile from a baby

[malta blue]

6. um

Don't Tutch the But

words to live by MrScorpio, words to live by.....

[Throd]

7. Once again people, NEVER start a barbecue with acetone.

[NJmaverick]

8. Stick your face in a bag of angry squirrels

[CreekDog]

48. or do this to a pack of badgers

[nadine_mn]

54. how did they get in the bag and why?

why would you stick your face there?

[NJmaverick]

75. questions... too many questions.... Go ahead

stick your face in... see what I care....:silly:

[HEyHEY]

9. Cocaine

Do it once, and you'll do it again.

[KansDem]

10. Never accept a ride to an AMWAY presentation...

Always have your car with you... Always...

[mikeytherat]

11. Truer words were never spoken.

Remember, most of the "How to Survive a Zombie Attack" rules apply to "How to Survive an Amway Presentation." In fact, they may be the exact same book.

mikey_the_rat

[AlCzervik]

12. and blades don't need reloading.

[mikeytherat]

15. Aim for the head! Aim for the head!

mikey_the_rat

[AlCzervik]

16. and get up the staircase and then destroy it!

[DarkTirade]

51. That only works on zombies, not Amway distributors.

[mikeytherat]

76. Sure it does! I said "Aim for the HEAD," not "Aim for the BRAIN."

That's a much harder shot. And by the way, the best way to take out a zombie Amway Distributor is to shoot his upmarket Diamond in the head - the Distributor's lips are generally in the same place, and you can get a two-for-one.

mikey_the_rat

[DarkTirade]

78. Upline, not upmarket.

Believe me, I know that world all too well. :P My parents got sucked in when I was young. They didn't get out until they were desperate enough for cash that they started doing office work for their upline... and while doing his books, discovered that he made only 3% of his income from 'The Business'. The other 97% was from selling promotional books and tapes to schmucks like them. That, and they also discovered that in his attempt to appear successful enough to sucker more people like them into thinking that they could get rich, he'd gotten so far into debt that he actually had LESS net worth than my parents did.

Needless to say, the first thing my parents decided to do was write a tell-all book about it. :)

[BlueIris]

13. Poke The Crazy. Don't do that shit. It makes The Crazy ANGRY. nt

[AnneD]

29. I always heard it said....

Don't stick your hand in the crazy.
Also....

Avoid zealots, they have no humour.

To get by in life you need a good doctor, a forgiving priest, and a clever accountant. I would also add an honest mechanic to the list.

[Pierre.Suave]

14. Go bungee jumping without a harness...

Similarly, you should not go skydiving without a parachute. Trust me, that's a mistake you only make once...:P

[SoxFan]

17. Root for the New York Yankees

[mwooldri]

58. Especially when surrounded by Boston Red Sox fans.

Unless you fancy your odds...

Mark.

[MissMillie]

72. yep

:thumbsup:

[LeftyFingerPop]

19. Never stand within "falling distance" of a spinning, unguarded table saw blade...

Even though you have to sometimes, it is not the smartest thing to do.

[FloridaJudy]

20. Fry bacon in the nude

Let a Missionary get between you and the door, unless you have a tranquilizer-dart gun handy.

Blow your horn at that bunch of Hell's Angels hogging the lane ahead of you.

Say "What's it to you, Pig!" to a cop.

Put a frozen pizza in the oven, and then go check out what's new on DU.

[Iggo]

21. When a cop pulls you over...

...and asks if you're drunk, some people might tell you to answer, "Yes. And I'm horny, too! Want to **** my ****?"

Those people would be wrong.

Don't do that.

[SoxFan]

22. Speaking from experience, are we?

[Iggo]

23. The horror...the horror...(n/t)

[mwooldri]

60. I have fried bacon in the near-nude.

No ill effects. Just stand back and keep the heat down. Depends on your bacon, how hot your frying pan is and what your grease is.

(near nude: briefs and socks)

[bikebloke]

24. Cordless bungy jumping

It's just not the same.

[Pierre.Suave]

30. See post 14 buddy...

:P

[bikebloke]

41. Yeah, you can wear a harness.

Just make sure it's not attached to a cord.

*In New Zealand, they were offering free jumps to anyone who'd do it starkers. Then they had to stop when too many people were shucking off the clothes.

[Shell Beau]

25. Image google goatse or tubgirl

[nadine_mn]

59. i.hate.u

because like a doofus ... I had to see since I never heard of either

and now I must get a fork and stab my eyes out

[mwooldri]

63. ... at work! (nt)

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

26. when a NC trooper comes up to your

car and says something...

first thing you say is... I am waiting for a gay romance I set up on the internet.... are you him?

they don't think that is funny at all

[SurfingAtWork]

27. Tell a girl you like "What the hell did you do to your hair"

It gets you on the bad list for a long long time.

[KansDem]

31. Tell me about it!

Back when I was dating, they're were a couple of times I would go to pick up my date, and when I knocked on the door, it opens and she has done something completely different to her hair since the last time I saw her! She'll ask, "How do you like it?," and I'll just spurt some blather--"Uh, uh, ahhh, uh..."(I can't bring myself to say "I like it" and I can't just say something like "When did you get your head caught in the blender?)--and she senses I don't like it. Makes for a conversation-less date. And a short one, too!

[MrScorpio]

32. Repeat after me: "It's all you, baby"

Rinse and repeat!

[KansDem]

34. Good advice!

Wish I'd known it then...:(

[KamaAina]

28. Tutch the but

Don't do it!

[loveable liberal]

33. Try and outrun a police k9.

It really, really stings.

[CBHagman]

35. Look in one direction while walking in another...

...unless you are part of a drill team or dance troupe.

[sarge43]

37. Tongue test electric fences

Pet the cute wild baby bear

Be honest about the way any woman looks. Clue phone, they're not looking for an honest assessment.

Kick a ground hornet's nest.

Try to please everyone.

[FloridaJudy]

43. I don't know why it's not obvious

The answer to the woman's question is always "Of course that doesn't make you look fat!"

The answer to the man's is always "Huge! Perfectly enormous!"

Now have we finally settled that?

[Zavulon]

38. Ask someone out a second time.

If you get a 'no' the first time, move on.

[XemaSab]

39. Assume you have enough money in your bank account for two cokes

:banghead:

[guitar man]

40. try to push right of way

...when you're riding a motorcycle :scared:

also, never slam the front brake on gravel ;)

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

42. Eat stuff that you don't know what it is.

Drink 151-proof rum mixed with cherry Kool-Aid.
Feed eggs to a dog who will be in the same room with you.
Tutch the but.

[DainBramaged]

44. Be a freeper!

[no name no slogan]

45. Go to a nudist beach with a yardstick

nt

[no name no slogan]

46. Go to a wedding and yell out "I HAD HER!" when the bride comes down the aisle

[MichiganVote]

49. Vote Republican

[baldguy]

50. Injure your ankle skiing, drink beer until it doesn't hurt anymore, then go out skiing again.

The extremities of your body *CAN* swell up literally to the size of a basketball. Trust me.

[DarkTirade]

52. Lick the flagpole in winter.

Even if you get double-dog-dared.

[Generic Brad]

53. Don't lick the electrical outlets

Just saying....

[bluesbassman]

55. The most famous is...

never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...

[Lethe]

57. unless you've spent years developing an immunity

to that particular poison.

[Lethe]

56. meth or crack

you will regret it...

secondarily, i do not recommend LSD or mushrooms unless you are doing it as a spiritual experience under the guidance of an experienced shaman

[astral]

88. oh lighten up

[jobycom]

61. Hire a rich accountant or a poor lawyer.

Learn how your favorite food is made.

Walk a small dog alongside a Louisiana bayou.

Eat tunafish nude while your cat is in the room.

Read anything by James Joyce.

[WCGreen]

62. Bring a knife to a gunfight...

[mwooldri]

64. Get your kids drunk on purpose. (nt)

[bluesbassman]

65. Aw, but he's such a happy drunk...

[JVS]

67. Awwwwwwww! That's so cute!

[Lil Missy]

66. Never argue with a fool or a drunk. It never works out.

[Adsos Letter]

68. Try to change-out the barrel on a smokin' hot .50 calibre machinegun...

without useing the the glove provided for such operations...or a towel, or something.

Actually saw a guy do it once...worst blisters I have EVER seen (actually, the inside of his palm and fingers turned into one GIANT blister)... :scared:

[DarkTirade]

84. So technically, that would be 'worst blister I ever saw', not 'worst blisters I've ever seen.' :P

[ScreamingMeemie]

69. Fall in love

[Iggo]

77. Aw...

[Angel]

70. Try to take a bone from a dog..notice I said try

Tell a man that cheese is not a food group.

Run away from problems in your life. (Thank you Rok)

Take one single day or anyone you care about for granted.

[MsTryska]

71. I've put my cat on a leash.....

one of them took to it pretty well. the other one not so much.

Actually it was a halter-style leash. It was kinda funny watching either one of them walk wit the halter on. They'd start walking and then just keel over from the new weight on their backs. Heh it was funny.

[MissMillie]

73. ride the clutch (n/t)

.

[RedShoes]

74. take coedine on an empty stomach...

I wound up on the floor of my bathroom WISHING to die. Seriously.

[AwakeAtLast]

80. Been there, done that

:hug: for both of us!

[av8rdave]

79. Answer, "Does this outfit make me look fat" in the affirmative

Never have, btw. Sometimes your parents really do give good advice.

[DarkTirade]

85. Or worse

if you answer with, "No, your ASS makes you look fat."

[av8rdave]

92. At least the results of that remark are never in doubt! LOL

[Initech]

81. Go to an Angels - Dodgers game

It's the only baseball game where you have to be certain that several times during the game, you are capable of taking the life of a fellow human being. :scared:

[leeroysphitz]

82. You LOOOOOOVE ammonia.

[struggle4progress]

83. Check if a gun is loaded by pointing it at your head and pulling the trigger

Bad idea. Really. Don't do it

Many people will regard this as unnecessary advice. Sadly, no

[skygazer]

86. Check for a gas leak with a Zippo lighter

No, I didn't do it. But I saw someone else do it. :rofl:

[YankeyMCC]

89. Piss into the wind and

get married

[YankeyMCC]

90. deleted accidental dupe nt

[Lasher]

91. Never double click when posting a message. n/t