The real world and mental illness

[Droopy]

It's time for Droopy's semi-annual, mental illness, lounge thread.

A while back I asked you all what you would think about dating someone who was mentally ill. The consensus seemed to be that as long as the symptoms were under control that you wouldn't have much of a problem with it. I was kind of expecting an answer like that from you guys because, for the most part, we are an open-minded bunch here at DU.

I recently asked the same question on a dating site message board. Last time I checked 9 out of 10 people said it would be a deal breaker even if the symptoms were under control. Someone actually thought that being mentally ill meant that you were "retarded." Another said that I couldn't possibly be mentally ill because my grammar was too good.

I'm a trucker and the Department of Transportation requires that truckers take a physical at least once every two years. My doctor makes me take one every year because of my illness. I also have to have a letter from my psychiatrist saying that in his professional opinion I can perform the duties of my job safely. My whole career hinges on that letter. It also turns out that I have better grammar than my psychiatrist. :)

When you tell the average person out in the real world that you have a mental illness they sometimes make all kinds of wild assumptions without waiting for you to explain. My favorites are the people who think that they are some kind of expert on the matter because they have read an article about bipolar disorder. I was psychotic and either manic or depressed for ten years. Unless you have a Ph.D. in psychology or an M.D. after your name, please don't try to educate me about my illness. If you want to know about it I will be happy to answer your questions.

Here's something a lot of people don't know. Even though I have a severe mental illness the chances are that I will live the rest of my life without experiencing another symptom. There are two things that I have to worry about over the long term. The lithium that I take could zap my thyroid gland. The anti-psychotic that I take could cause tardive dyskenesia which is uncontrollable movements of the hands and/or face. But the drug I take is one of the newer atypical anti-psychotics and it has not yet been found to cause tardive dyskenesia. I've been taking the drug for over 5 years and haven't experienced any side effects.

I'm not going to flip out on anybody. As you can see from the above paragraphs, my brain functions just fine. If you met me in person and didn't know that I had an illness, you would never guess that I did. Not everyone is as fortunate as me and the meds don't always work as well. But many are like me and chances are if you live in a good sized city that you encounter people every day who have a mental illness and you have no idea who they are. They don't brand us or anything like that. :)

[Sanity Claws]

1. People can be harsh

First, I'm sorry that you met with such a reaction on the dating forum. :hug:
Second, I'm in the same boat. I've had a few major depressive episode but I keep quiet about them. Now I think that my isolating that part of myself has exacerbated my symptoms. In any event, I applaud your forthrightness and believe it is to your advantange.

BTW, I have theories on mental illness in our society. Let me know if you're up to a discussion on it.

[Droopy]

6. I'm up to a discussion on it

Unfortunately, I have to go to work here in a few minutes. We could take it to PM or if you want I can just revive this thread tomorrow if it is not on the front page.

[Midlodemocrat]

2. Droopy.

I DO have a PhD after my name. In psychology. In my experience, the folks who are in denial and not medicated are far more dangerous than the likes of a gentle soul like you.

I'm glad about the tardive's dyskenesia. It is most worrisome in folks who have had no reaction to certain anti psychotics or xyiolitics and many healthcare professionals, well meaning that they are, can continue to pile on the meds not realizing that the interactin can cause TD.

FWIW. I do not have a functioning thyroid gland. Haven't in 16 years. I take thyroid replacement medication. No big deal.

My best to you, Droopy.

:hug:

[sasquatch]

3. Will you help me with my psych exam studying?

:hi:

[Midlodemocrat]

4. Of course. You douchebag.

[sasquatch]

5. I'll PM you then

[Droopy]

7. Thanks Midlo

I appreciate the kind words.

I've got a good doctor, despite his sloppy grammar :), and he will not try to push stuff on me if I say I'm alright. I've been on the same stuff for the last five years and he is happy that it's working for me so we stay the course.

[FloridaJudy]

8. Just the other day

A guy I'd known for some time (though not in a dating relationship) mentioned he was a schizophrenic. He's one of the smartest, funniest, most decent people I know. Sometimes he says things that at first sound completely off the wall, but when you stop and think about them actually make a lot of sense (for example "I used to think my cat was psychic, but I've come to realize that she's just aware in ways most humans aren't".).

He's waaaaaay too young for me, but I'd rather date him than a Republican. And I really want to meet that cat!

[Droopy]

9. Hahaha

Your friend and I have have probably both been through severe trauma. When you come out of the other side of that and start recovering, it gives you a totally different perspective on life. Almost the worst thing imaginable has happened to you and you have survived. It's a wonderful feeling. It felt like being enlightened to me.

[FloridaJudy]

11. Interesting you said "enlightened"

Because I met him in a Zen meditation group. He controls his symptoms with medication and meditation, but he'd definitely been through the wringer before he hit on that combination.

[Lil Missy]

10. "Someone thinks that a mental illness equals being "retarded".

That's so wrong on so many levels. First of all, "retarded" is overused and entirely misunderstood. And to include all mental illness under the umbrella of "retarded" is absurd, and willfully ignorant.

I've spent a lot of my time in the past working with mentally and physically disabled children. I've known some with a simple speech impediment or physical impairment that some ignorant people saw as "retarded". How wrong they were. A lot of these kids were pretty damned smart.

And I wonder, how does one justify suggesting something like depression as being "retarded".

Actually, I just hate the term, and refuse to use it.

[HEyHEY]

12. This was in the Globe and Mail today

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20080818.wmental18/BNStory/mentalhealth/home

[LeftyFingerPop]

14. This statement in the article is very discouraging...

"and 42 per cent said they would no longer socialize with a friend diagnosed with a mental illness".

[rug]

13. Those are the sanest words on mental illness I've ever read.

:thumbsup:

[LeftyFingerPop]

15. Great post Droopy, as always. Thank you. n/t

[snailly]

16. I can't go into detail about myself but I know, honey.

Nevermind. I hope you know someone out here understands.

[martymar64]

17. As somebody with chronic depression/disthymia

I have reservations, if not downright phobias about dating anybody. I recognize that I need love just like anybody else. But I'm abstaining from dating because I don't want to inflict my mental and emotional issues on anyone else. It's bad enough to have to deal with them myself, but I don't want to burden others, especially if I like or love them.
It's kind of like the movie the Wolfman with Lon Chaney Jr. He keeps pushing people away because he knows what he becomes when the moon is full and doesn't want to hurt anybody, especially those he loves. That's me. I want to be loved but I don't want to hurt anyone. If somebody loved me it would be tough, but I lucked out. Nobody loves me or even cares, I'm alone so they can be safe.

[GreenPartyVoter]

19. *hugs* I am not alone so I can be safe. Hubby takes care of the money so that I can

hide out at home.

However, I married him young. If I was still single now, I am pretty sure I wouldn't date either. :(

[GreenPartyVoter]

18. Here's a flip side to this question. I married my H.S. sweetheart. I did not

get diagnosed as bipolar II until 3 years ago. My husband even now insists I am not sick. To him my behavior is just me. (And to be honest, unless people have been in my bedroom witnessing my rages or crying fits they probably don't know I have an illness. At most, they just think I get a little hyper and weird sometimes.)

I don't think I will ever live symptom-free, just symptom-lite. Still that's better than nothing, right?

[BrklynLiberal]

20. I think you have come a long way..and I am very impressed with your presentation of the facts.

I have been on anti-depression meds for about 10 years. I wish they were working as well as your meds are.

[Fire Walk With Me]

21. The majority of people in the world, at least in America and similar Western countries

are fear-based, not love-based. I consider this to be mental illness, and yes, it's a deal-breaker. Possibly for the species.

[XemaSab]

22. I gotta say, even the PhD's and MD's sometimes don't know what the hell they're talking about

:P

[auntAgonist]

23. I have had the pleasure of meeting you and spending an

entire evening enjoying your intelligent conversation. I wouldn't have ever guessed that you have a medical issue at all.

Droopy, thank you for being so willing to bring the issue of mental illness to the forefront. Education is what most people need. If and when they need to know any details of your life that is.

:hug:

kesha

[NJmaverick]

24. Droopy I applaud you for overcoming a difficult problem

your survey shows a depressing reality of our society. Sill, I would be curious if you reworded that dating site survey, what would happen. I would like to see if you got better results if you asked them would they date someone with controlled bipolar issues. I am thinking that might get better results, because the term mental illness is really too broad and encompasses so many different issues and problems, that your results may not be that accurate.

[raccoon]

25. Thanks for your post. Most people are woefully ignorant about mental illness.

Heck, most people are woefully ignorant, period.


There is still a great deal of stigma regarding mental illness in our society. I bet even today most employers would be put off by it.

[MissMillie]

26. Droopy, I'd date you in a heartbeat

:loveya:

you're probably a hell of a lot healthier than all of the men I've involved myself with over the years.

[Sheets of Easter]

27. You're good people. Thanks for sharing your story.

:thumbsup:

[EstimatedProphet]

28. You're a good man, my man

And as you stated, when we met I had no idea you were diagnosed with a mental illness. Just an all-around regular guy, who was in need of some counseling on what beers to drink...:)