going home fucking sucks!!

[harmonicon]

I hadn't been home to see my parents in over a year, and now I've got two more days to spend here, but I think I'm just going to get a hotel, because I can't fucking deal with this shit.

After being woken up by my dad pounding on my door and screaming at me, about seemingly nothing, I was told that he wishes I'd never come, and can't wait until I leave - I feel the same way. What a great dad - he's managed to raise a son that doesn't ever want to talk to him again (the yelling wasn't really the big deal - I can deal with him being a loud-mouth asshole, it's all of the other shit I have to deal with from him).

Parents out there: if you treat your 30 year old children like they're 15, they'll get pissed at you too.

[Shell Beau]

1. That sucks! I am sorry your dad would say that to you.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

2. I am so sorry.

Your Dad is a fucked up ass. Why would he treat ANYONE like this? Is your Mother around? If so, how does she put up with such an idiot?

[harmonicon]

5. What he said isn't even that big of a deal

What sucks is that I think it's true, and that the feeling is totally mutual. My mom is around, and I guess he puts up with him because they've been married for 42 years and married life is all they know. My dad really isn't a bad guy at all, but he can't seem to form a relationship with me past what we had when I was a teenager. He's been great, and has helped me out a lot, especially financially. What he doesn't seem to understand is that I don't need his hand-holding or his money anymore, and that I resent it when he tries to push shit on me. I'm poor, but I make a comfortable enough living for the time being (I'm a bit panicky about it, because I have a fixed contract where I am now that only lasts two more years). They agreed to pay for me ticket here and have paid for a bunch of shit, but seem to think that they're doing me a favour by it, when I really don't mind paying my own way. I would gladly trade the money for respect.

[raccoon]

3. I think a hotel is a good idea. nt

[harmonicon]

6. yep....

I'm at a coffee shop now, but I think motel 6 by the airport is the next step. I feel sort of bad about it, because I'm still borrowing one of my parents' cars (I don't own one, or drive regularly), but I guess they can pick it up from the airport in a day and a half, or if they really want it, call me, and I'll get a rental car or something (this is no walking or public transit town).

[QueenOfCalifornia]

4. I forgot

to add: I wouldn't treat anyone, not my kids, no one that way... But some say I am somewhat evolved and progressive. I treat my kids like they are people I love.

You can visit me... We wont be asshats to you. :)

[NJmaverick]

7. Sorry to hear that

Just try and remember though, you only get one set of parents in life. Try and treasure them, even if they make it difficult.

[harmonicon]

8. thanks - I know

It's not that I hate my dad, or that he hates me, but I think it's now been firmly established that we hate living together. I was just dumb enough to think that going to visit them after not having seen them for over a year would make the household dynamic different from when I was living there. It sucks that it had to turn into some shouting match to establish this. The thing is, they would have been really hurt if I'd just suggested coming for a day or two and staying in a hotel, even though I thought that would have been for the best. Before today, I'd just put up with their shit of treating me like a teenager for ten years too long. What we need is to have some sort of serious discussion about what kind of relationship they want to have with me, because I'm simply not willing to put up with things as they are. I do love my parents and have a great deal of respect for them, but, especially since they're getting older (my dad will be 70 this week), I don't want to be in my 40's and being treated like I'm 14 by someone on their death-bed.

[XemaSab]

9. No shit... I hear ya

:(

[harmonicon]

10. similar experience?

I'm trying to decide if I should got back to their house tomorrow and get some of my shit, because I do sort of need it. I just don't want to deal with this crap right now. I'm supposed to be on vacation, but instead I'm working in B.S. city - I wish I could just go home and not deal with this crap.

[XemaSab]

11. Yeah, similar experience

My advice: stick up for yourself.

[harmonicon]

13. that's the plan

It's because of my parents that I am the person that I am now, and I would like for them to deal with who I am now - not who I was ten years ago, when I needed their help in different ways than I do now. I just don't see what good it brings them or me to have things go on like they have for the past week that I've been here. I don't want them out of my life - I just want this kind of shit to stop.

[quakerboy]

12. Wow.

I don't like visiting my parents. Its not been home since years before I left. But they are at least as civil as they know how to be when I am there. That started when I was about 16, and my dad got pissed and punched me for the first time in my life. That kinda changed the dynamic ever after.

Did they invite you?

[harmonicon]

14. man, that sucks

My dad and I have never really come to blows, but it's come close - we both have short tempers though.

The problem is probably that I've been back too often since I first moved out - for almost a year after college, then for a few months when I took a break from grad school.... then for six months or so until a year and a half ago when I moved to Europe.

I thought that the sort of shit that started all of this had been discussed to death already, and the point had been made, but I guess not.

They sort of invited me - they asked to come visit me this year, but I told them to wait a year until I got more settled into the new city and country that I'm in, so I said that I'd come for awhile this summer. My brother lives in the same state, and I spent some time seeing him too. Even a few days ago they were asking me to come back for longer before I head home (I'm in the US for six weeks, total), but I was having none of it then, and definitely not now. My mom wants me to stay there when I get my wisdom teeth pulled - it's like they can't deal with the fact that I'm an adult and haven't just moved away for a break or something. Part of the problem is that I'm the youngest kid and get totally smothered and micro-managed. Usually I just put up with it to be polite, but I can't deal with their crap anymore. I can't sustain this thing where I'm treated like a teenager instead of the grown adult that I am. Some time I would just like to spend time with my family where we're all together as real full-fledge people, and not trying to relive some bygone family dynamic from the 70's or 80's.

[Kali]

15. my father and I get along GREAT

by email.