"But I didn't love her".

[amitten]

Love that excuse, don't you? I think I'd have more respect for some of these guys if they actually DID love the other woman...

If you don't love someone, why risk your career and the trust of your family? Is it so very very difficult to just keep it in the pants? Really...?

[LeftyMom]

1. That's got to suck for the other woman.

Essentially she's been publicly reduced to an ambulatory fleshlight.

[amitten]

5. I know. It's insulting in a lot of ways, and makes the guy look

worse, IMHO.

[Lorien]

17. I agree. As I posted elsewhere, I think it makes it worse

it's easier to understand why anyone would stray if they felt compelled by overwhelming feelings for another. I think that most of us have have, at one point or another, loved someone who we wished that we could stop loving (because they either were not available, did not return the feelings, or had a commitment to someone else). It's hard to resist when the other person DOES make themselves available when those kinds of feelings are involved. But when you feel NOTHING for the other person? That I don't get. At that point he's hurting both his wife AND the other woman, and for what?

But still, just because I don't understand it doesn't mean that I can judge anyone. They have their reasons, and those reasons aren't our business in the end. It's just a sad situation any way you look at it.

[XemaSab]

49. The only winning thing to say is

"I care for her, of course, but I love my wife." :shrug:

[Radical Activist]

19. That's what I was thinking

Ouch.

[Zuiderelle]

2. Yeah, I find that statement more obnoxious than "I did not have sex with that woman"

I mean come ON. So, you decided to risk hurting your wife, your kids, your COUNTRY for a woman YOU DID NOT EVEN LOVE? Pitiful.

[Mira]

54. Like your respoblem lnse one hundred percent - hard to like the name you chose N/T

[leeroysphitz]

3. Sounds Like an old Eddie Murphy bit... n/t

[HEyHEY]

4. Love is a marketing tool - of course he didn't

[swag]

6. You got it all wrong, HEyHEY.

Love is a battlefield.

And while we're at it, stop using sex as a weapon!

[asthmaticeog]

10. Way I hear it, love is a cattleprod.

[Fenris]

15. That looks like my beloved home town.

[Lethe]

21. Strange things are afoot at the circle K bill

?

[texanwitch]

51. I was just down Westheimer last week.

I love this street, it has two names.

Near downtown the street changes names.

It is a really long, long street.

[redqueen]

11. *cries*

[datasuspect]

40. love is a battlefield

[amitten]

46. Pat Benetar sure hasn't aged well. n/t

[elshiva]

7. It's annoying and it's a cliche.

It's supposed to make it "better."

[Withywindle]

8. That makes it ten times worse, IMO.

"I don't care how much I hurt my wife OR my mistress."

[Generic Brad]

9. I supported this guy?

:wtf:
I am officially off the bandwagon.

[XemaSab]

18. Totally

Throwing the other woman under the bus is officially the act of a cad.

Especially if that's his kid. x(

[Robeson]

12. Did she love him? Was she enraptured with John...

...and was he the love of her life? I doubt it. It takes two to tango.

That being said, it was very stupid of him. Primarily because he knew he was going to run for President, and surely knew this would come up. I'm sure Hillary was the last to be surprised that Bill couldn't contain himself. But I'll guarantee you she was pissed at the stupidity.

[amitten]

13. Does it matter? She isn't publicly voicing her feelings for him. nt

[Robeson]

14. We're both making the same point....

...ultimately, it was stupid.

[amitten]

28. Not just stupid. Unkind. I think that's what I hate most about

affairs--it's just a very very unkind thing to do to your SO.

I've had married friends that suffered through cheating by their spouse, and it all but killed them spiritually. I've seen strong, confident women turned into shells. People just have no idea how horrible it is until it happens to them--it's just incredibly fucking sad. You couldn't pay me enough to hurt another person in that way--I would never forgive myself.

[Radical Activist]

20. since it sounds like

she had a baby by another married man not much later, that she knew what she was looking for.

[XemaSab]

50. You never know

I hesitate to admit this, but the married guy I dated (yeah, I was young and dumb) was by FAR the best guy I've ever dated. :shrug:

I only date lamers! :cry:

[Orangepeel]

16. did you watch the interview?

It didn't sound insulting to me.

He was asked if he loved the other woman and he said that he loved one woman and had for 30 years. Given that he shouldn't have put himself in the position where he was obliged to answer the question in the first place, he answered it the best way he could.

[Ellen Forradalom]

22. Actually, it is

We're talking about a powerful drive, not an impulse buy. This sort of situation is common as dirt, much as we may wish otherwise.

[amitten]

25. I know about powerful drives. I have one. But more than once

when the situation was wrong, I've been able to control myself. Especially when I've been in a committed relationship.

And the fact that this is common as dirt speaks well for no one. Maybe it's really the people that are "common as dirt"...:shrug:

[Drunken Irishman]

23. What's love got to do with it?

[amitten]

26. Dunno...as Elizabeth Edwards, maybe. n/t

[Guava Jelly]

24. People _uck people all of the time that they don't love

Sometimes it's just to take care of something the comes up.
It amazes me that people still confuse sex w/love

[Shine]

27. Yeah, that line made him look and sound worse than he already did.

What a fucking idiot. :eyes: Literally.

[Taverner]

29. Let us bow in honor to your superior morality

:eyes:

[amitten]

30. No...I'm just not an asshole, and I keep my promises.

I don't think I'm "superior".

Oh, and I would think you would be glad there are people like me in the world who give a shit and can actually be trusted. But no, I guess that means I'm stuck up and I suck.:shrug:

[Taverner]

31. I used to think that

I've made mistakes, god knows I have

But I learned from them, and I'm glad I made those mistakes

Why?

Because I learned from them

The pre mistake Taverner was much more clueless than the post mistake Taverner

[amitten]

32. I've made mistakes too. But if they hurt someone else badly,

I'm not "glad" I made them, because I'm not selfish.

[Taverner]

33. We both learned from those mistakes

We're both stronger because of them

We're both smarter because of them

We both know ourselves better because of them

Yes, we got hurt

Learning hurts

[amitten]

34. Yes, learning hurts. But it shouldn't hurt other innocent people.

That's my only point.

[Taverner]

35. But what about when it does?

Look I've been hurt a lot in life - but because of those hurts I have learned a lot. Things happen sometimes beyond our control, and an innocent act can leads to worlds of pain in minutes. Hard to explain unless you have been there.

Trying to prevent suffering is a lot different than trying to prevent hurt.

Sometimes people act selfishly, and sometimes that 'people' is you. None of us are clean in this matter. We have to accept ourselves, faults and all and make the best of it.

Jeez, I feel like a Nihilist trying to convince an Idealist here...

[amitten]

36. I am an idealist. And I go out of my way not to hurt people I love.

I hold out hope that others can be equally considerate, without letting selfish impulse override basic kindness and consideration.

I have acted selfishly before--but not in a way that would ever devastate anyone or ruin their faith in me. And yeah, I think that's a basic tenet of being a good person.

I wouldn't cheat on someone any more than I would beat someone up, or steal from someone, or verbally abuse them.

[Taverner]

37. I am not an idealist

I am a Nihilist

I am willing to concede that we humans are animals, and as animals we have certain desires.

It is only the culture that places sexual rules on our personalities.

If you were a Chimpanzee, you wouldn't think twice about having sex with another Chimp, be it male or female.

Romantic Love is a fairly new concept. A bad idea, I might add. But still a new concept. Before about 200 years ago, your wife or husband would have been chosen by your family and that was who you procreated with. True romantic love was reserved for your mistress or lover. Before that, only the Alpha Male had access to the women, and you had to settle with sloppy seconds if you weren't Alpha.

We have created, vis a vis Judeo-Christian Morality, this very complex system of sexual rights and wrongs - very little of it pertaining to reason and all of it pertaining to the Bible. Is it in our nature to sleep with every woman we see? Yes - spread the seed - this is your best chance at making the next generation. Is it right or wrong? Well judge that on your own, but in any case you are going against Biology.

As for me, I have learned that a married man needs to take matters into his own hands (pun intended) lest he break the moral code of his Christian Culture.

Yes, Edwards should have gone back to his hotel room, pulled up a porn site and with a bottle of Astroglide in his left hand, masturbated until he thought clearly with his right.

But he didn't. Is he evil? Is he the abomniation of the Democratic Party?

He's human. Like us all.

There is no biological imperative that forces us to stay with one partner. It is all up 'here' (if you could see me right now, I'd be pointing to my head)

Our biological imperative is to spread seed among fertile recipients.

Sounds fucked up? It is. That's why we, as sentient adults, have masturbation at our disposal. We're lucky.

Sometimes we don't realize we have that option until its too late. Are we bad people? Should we expel ourselves from the gene pool?

Hardly.

Until we remove the morality from sex, don't expect this to improve.

[amitten]

38. It's fine to believe all that. Just don't make a promise to

someone else, then. Then no one gets hurt or has any wrong expectations.

But I have a hard time making excuses for people who break promises, probably because I don't make any for myself. (One of my less "animalistic" features, I guess.)

[Taverner]

39. These are not excuses but explinations

You are expecting an unplanned interloper (humans) to act like one would in a story.

Life isn't like that.

This may sounds harsh, and honestly - I'm not trying to attack you

But things are much more complicated than they seem

Just promise me this: if humans don't act the way they should in an 'Ideal world' don't blame them - they're just animals doing animal things. Just like you wouldn't blame a Bear for eating a baby deer.

[amitten]

42. All I'm saying is that I've had ample opportunity as a single

young woman to cheat on guys I've dated (I've never been married). And though I was strongly tempted sometimes, I didn't do it because I didn't want to hurt anyone.

So what am I? A freak of nature? No, I just give a shit about other people's feelings enough to suppress selfish desires when necessary. I expect the same from people who make promises to me. Actually, it's not a big deal.

And if someone isn't up for that kind of thing, then they shouldn't date someone like me. :shrug:

[Taverner]

43. You just don't get it do you?

You've never been married...

Honestly - whenever you get married - and as a smart woman on DU I trust that will happen when you are ready - 10 years later tell me the same thing.

It's really hard to explain to someone who hasn't been there, and I'm sure at this point you want to knock my block off. You should. Its been a while since I've had my block knocked off, and if anyone deserved it better it was me. And if anyone deserved to knock one's block off it would be you.

But seriously - time changes many things.

Shit happens

It's not all like it is in books

You are taking a polygamous species and forcing them to live in a monogamous world

That can't be healthy







Having said that, keep in mind you are chatting with a semi-intoxicated individual who means no harm, but is escaping loneliness via alcoholic means

I am much more intelligent when I'm sober

But sober I am not this evening

[amitten]

45. I get it. I've had plenty of married guys hit on me. And I know

why they hit on me.

But IMHO, they shouldn't be married. If you want to fuck like you're single, um, STAY SINGLE. Don't go around ruining lives. That's all.

[Taverner]

47. May I PM you with my story?

[amitten]

48. Of course. I'm not trying judge you personally.

I'm talking about people in general.

[Skittles]

52. LOL

I like to THINK that human males can control themselves better than the average dog running around but you make that seem not so.

[sniffa]

41. But what if their dicks loved her?

That's got to count for something.

[amitten]

44. Yes! Dick-love must count for SOMETHING.

I think you've found a new loophole...

[CreekDog]

53. that was a horrendous thing to say

i can imagine why he said it, but it was not helpful. :rant: