How many members in your family went to conceive children out of wedlock?

[Deja Q]

No names or associations (e.g. brother, sister, cousin, neice, nephew, et al)

No need to tie your name into the choice you click on either.

Anonymity is good.

[PeaceNikki]

1. ??

What?

Huh?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. who even says that these days. out of wedlock????

lisa and i will have a bastard child one day.

[Deja Q]

4. Wow. Don't get your knickers in a knot, there are - what - 20 expressions for the same meaning?

As long as said child doesn't act like a bastard, I'm not going to care either... (Like I said, multiple meanings for a term... :D )

[PeaceNikki]

6. Why is "anonymity good"?

Is there shame?

[Deja Q]

8. For some, no. For some, yes. See, by posting this I knew I'd be flamed.

Damned either way, you see. I think it's shameful, but I'm not the whole world and when it comes to polls, the greater the inclusion the better. Which is odd, the only poll worth reading in terms of accuracy is the one that 300 million Americans responded to... I'm more likely to win a lottery after contracting herpes from my cheating spouse at olive garden...

Plus, if somebody knew someone in their family and did not want to do more than add a statistic, what's wrong with half-spelling that out?

[PeaceNikki]

11. You just worded the OP in a way that implies there's shame

And that offends some... myself included. I had a child "out of wedlock".

[fizzgig]

13. what on earth is shameful about it?

so basically, you are saying my birth was shameful. i am no less a legitimate person than someone who was born to parents who were married at the time. why the fuck should a piece of paper (a marriage license) make a difference?

what i think is shameful is people who abuse or neglect their children, and, honestly, people who try to shame others for having children without that piece of paper.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

24. your entire OP stinks as though you were talking about a very shameful act.

and dont talk about my knickers. i find that expressful distastful. it assumes that i am getting upset over nothing.

[kay1864]

29. I for one would like an entire thread about lionesss' knickers

:bounce:









:hide:









:rofl:

[Gormy Cuss]

20. 'Bastard' is far worse than 'born out of wedlock' for some of us.

Out of wedlock reflects more on the parents, bastard places the shame/burden on the child, as does illegitimate. YMMV but I speak as someone with many family members on all sides of the issue. I wasn't kidding in the other post about being from a long line of bastards.

All the terms had legal meanings that were far more important in the days before paternity tests, but even now legitimacy defines your association with parents for purposes of support as a minor and resolving some inheritance issues. Children born out of wedlock need to have a declaration of paternity made or an adoption to put them on equal legal footing with children who are born to a married couple.

The shame was separate and came from culture or customs.

[Common Sense Party]

38. I do. Is that wrong? n/t

[La Lioness Priyanka]

42. if you think its shameful. yes, it is.

if you think you need to maintain anonymity about said child that was born out of wedlock and imply that there shoudl be shame surrounding the incident. yes, it is wrong.

[hobbit709]

3. 3 generations worth that I know of

[Gormy Cuss]

5. Went where?

[Deja Q]

7. !!! *snort*

:spray: :spray: :spray: :spray: :spray: :spray: :spray: :spray: :spray: :spray: :spray: :spray: :spray:

In seriousness to the core concept, I shouldn't laugh; I've never liked the concept of teenage pregnancy (children having children and all that; the responsibility is far more boring than the initial "ooh and aah" feeling and I'm talking about seeing the newborn, not having the orgasm)... much less having high school yearbooks with pages devoted to happy teenage parents of babies. They've risked ruining their lives, the lives of their children, and possibly their relatives too. :( never mind how tacky it comes across, reading them either in 1990 or in 2008... "Look at me! I'm the cool guy! I'm holding my 9 month child in the yearbook! I'm cool!!" (No lad, you're not cool...)

I'm sorry for being opinionated. Having noticed most of these situations do NOT end with a happy note, I am constrained by making a generalization out of a recurring pattern.

[fizzgig]

9. teen pregnancy is not the same as adults having children when they're not married

my mother was 30 and my dad was 27 when i was 'born out of wedlock,' a situation that in many ways was drastically different than a couple of 17 year olds having a baby.

and, as far as i'm concerned re: a young man holding his child in his yearbook photo (or the young woman for that matter), i say good on those kids for taking pride in their child. yes, it may not be an ideal situation, but they are stepping up to the plate.

and yes, you are making generalizations. you say Having noticed most of these situations do NOT end with a happy note, but how many situations have you witnessed first hand? i saw it a number of times with my friends or schoolmates and many times it wound up for the better. yes, some of them did drop out, but many of them did go back to school once the child had grown a bit. getting pregnant as a teenager does not automatically ruin your life, it just presents a different situation.

[ScreamingMeemie]

17. Good post. Mine ended on a happy note.

God this pisses me off. Not you. This post.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

46. Thank you.

I am a bastard child according to the society that judges children born out of wedlock and I grew up just fine. So did all of my other cousins and we are a HAPPY FAMILY.

[Gormy Cuss]

10. I come from a long line of bastards...

-- I've seen transcripts of the colonial court dockets. Typical they'd charge the unmarried mother and try to get her to name the father, then give him an ultimatum:legitimize the child by getting married, or go to jail on the Bastardy charge. I had a very ornery ancestor who was hauled into court for everything and seemed to thumb his nose at the town elders, but he did end up marrying his child's mother.

Now to modern times. You are surely aware that many children are born to adult unmarried mothers, not just teens, and the circumstances are often not dire or sad in anyway.

As far as the yearbooks with family photos, it is a reflection of how the teen spent his/her time in high school and hiding that fact in order to have a pretty little rah-rah yearbook would be sad. I remember parents voicing concerns about the pregnant girls being allowed to stay in my high school, as if it was a contagious disease. It was quite the opposite -- watching other girls grow big as houses and hearing the nasty shit happening to their bodies was the best prophylactic possible.

[kay1864]

30. I have always found the term "Bastardy" one of the funniest to come out of Colonial times

Bastardy, Bastardy, Bastardy.

It just reflects the goofy state of the English language at the time, plus Puritanical condescension, all at once.

Thumbs up on "Bastardy"!

[Mojambo]

18. I went to an alternative highschool and probably 30%+ of the girls in my graduating class were moms

There are challenges, yes, but it's not nearly the dire situation that is often dramatized in popular culture.

I'd never say it's ideal, but I witnessed a lot of very strong, capable women being "born" during those times and I really respected a great majority of them.

Plus, it was just awesome going to a school with a daycare. One of my elective classes was working an hour a day in the daycare, which was run almost exclusively by the student body.

I wish all teenage moms had a similar support structure, and less shame heaped upon them.

[Xipe Totec]

12. Half nt

[applegrove]

14. Heard of one Ancestor. She was given to her nanny and the local minister (who were married) and

sent across the ocean to Nova Scotia at the age of nine.

[pitohui]

15. it is just "not done" in my family EOM

.

[ScreamingMeemie]

16. Me, and it's not a secret and there's no stigma attached and I was

stupid and a kid and, yet, she was the best thing that ever happened to me. Oh, and my brother. He's got the cutest little guy now. What is this all about anyway? Does this make me a slut?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

22. even if you were a slut would it make you a bad person?

i was a slut most of my life, and most of my friends were or still are. they are all delightful.
:hi:


ps: no, ofcourse you weren't a slut. hope you get the TJ shortbread cookies.. they are a pure delight.

[ScreamingMeemie]

26. I am going today with my favorite cousin (who is up from Texas)

and they will be on the list.

And, on the slut thing, agreed. One person's slut is another person's mom.

[bigwillq]

23. At least you're a nice slut.

:P :evilgrin: :P ;) :rofl:


:hi: :hug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

25. See, now I want to know what that edit was all about.

:) :hug:

[bigwillq]

36. I spelled "you're" wrong

I put "your" at first. That's what the edit was about.

[alarimer]

19. Most of them.

Actually more than I was aware of previously. Apparently there were many "hurry-up" weddings in my family.

I am shocked, shocked I tell you, to find out that people are having sex! It's very disturbing.

[From The Ashes]

21. Well there's 2...

...my (now ex)husband and I weren't married when our oldest was born. In a bit of an ironic twist, my eldest son and his girlfriend are expecting. No wedding in sight; I've suggested it, but I won't push. :shrug: Guess I'm a bad mom then.

[BarenakedLady]

27. My nana was pregnant when they married

I think the same was true of one of my aunts. That's as close as I'm aware.

Edited to add, I almost did. I lost the baby.

[kay1864]

28. Our beloved former-but-now-dead President Ronald Reagan did....

'tis true. Nancy Davis was 2 1/2 months pregnant when she walked down the aisle with Ronnie.

Also the sorta answer to "Which question was in the Canadian version of Trivial Pursuit but not in the American edition?"

[bikebloke]

31. A sibling did it to trap a dummy.

So she wouldn't have to work. He had bragged about all the money he made driving a tow truck. Then had two more "accidental" pregnancies before the state of Virginia caught on and surgically put that racket to an end. Between fleecing my father of virtually every penny he had and welfare, they lived like royalty.

[AlCzervik]

32. 834.

[muriel_volestrangler]

33. If this includes "or already have", then about half, in the categories you give

for those who have been of child-bearing age in the past 20 years or so.

If you really do mean "want to conceive ...", then I have no idea - due to ages, the chances are no-one will for the next five years, anyway, I'd guess, and I doubt any of them are planning that far ahead - and it's not the kind of thing I'd ask a teenager.

[dropkickpa]

34. Me, the only one

Out of all the aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins, etc. I'm the whore!!!!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

35. also to answer your question : ZERO

[Iggo]

37. If we're counting cousins...

...I'd have to say dozens.

[littlebit]

39. My parents had all four of their children

out of wedlock. My mother doesn't believe in marriage. So technically my parents have been dating for 39 years. Also all three of my brothers had at least one child out of wedlock.

[WinkyDink]

40. Four cousins.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

41. My father was conceived out of wedlock.

He was born 6 months after his parents' wedding, and there's no way a baby that big was premature. My grandparents basically had a shotgun wedding in the late 50s. Still married, though, and with five more kids besides my marriage-inducing father. :shrug:

:rofl:

[raptor_rider]

43. My oldest sister and I

I wasn't married to my daughter's father, however my sister was married, cheated on her husband and got pregnant and ran off with the dude. She divorced and married her child's father and had one more. She had two kids with her first husband.

[ikojo]

44. A niece and a nephew conceived kids out of "wedlock"

I don't find it shameful that they did that, what I find shameful is that their parents forced them into marriage "for the kids". I think getting married due to pregnancy is not the right reason to get married. I know my nephew is very unhappy and is counting down to when the now two kids he has are 18. In his case all he wanted at the time was sex and his now wife was more than willing to give it to him. She was pregnant her senior year and she was not the only one in her small town high school.

[raccoon]

45. Went where to conceive children out of wedlock? The local lover's lane,

If there is such a thing these days?