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i used work (some time back now :) ) in the restaurant business.
For large parties, most restaurants add the tip in...because they want to make sure that the sever gets their tip. you would be surprised, or maybe not, how many folks don't bother to tip a server with a large party.
But I can tell you this. Most servers understand if you don't tip over what the "added gratuity" is. But they will also think you are an ass.
Personally, I would tip 15 percent of top of anything added by the restaurant. And unless a waitress goes out of their way to be a bitch or an ass, not just slow or whatever (sometime it IS the kitchen's fault) I allways tip at least 18% or sometimes more for regular outings.
I never leave less than $3 if like a cheepo place.
I now other people have other opinions about that, but a few more dollars out of me in the long run is not going to break me, but could help give them a decent days/nights work. I also tip "right" to help compensate for those that don't tip right. It is not uncommon for those of us that used to be in the biz to over tip, because we "know".
I have a friend who works in a fine steakhouse in Dallas, and it is her lively hood, she makes a good living but is not rich. She works in an upscale place to make sure that she can make the most of the evening. I mean she lives off the tips that people leave. Restaurants are exempt from paying more that $2.whatever an hour.
Personally I feel that people shouldn't go out to eat if they can't afford to tip their server, because the waiter won't get paid otherwise.
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